Hooray for Friday!! And other misc. Capers!

1."Act bad, don't hurt me, look sexy, talk dirty!" -Janet Jackson "So Excited"
2.Ohh wee Janet DID IT AGAIN! Please cop the record
3.There is something going on with me and this damned Grocery store
4."Hello, I just wanted to tell you,you're beautiful"
5.Short guy in the parking lot at Albertson's.
6.Seen Dre (mr inconito) on aisle 6...
7."Hey what's up!"
8.Me: Oh! You're talking to me...
9."Well, I've been busy working, plus I really can't call
women from this phone because my mom checks the numbers.
The phone is not in my name, but text me. Maybe we can hang out"
10.Me: *Laughing at this clown* No thanks, if you wanted to talk
to me you'd have called. If you weren't feeling me, then you should
have just said it.. ( I walked away)
11.WTF? he is 25 and his momma checks the phone?? Get the fuck outta here!
**in my best Eddie Murphy voice**
12. Eric invited me to Speak some knowledge tonite..
13.You know I hate stages.. although I live on one in reality
14. I seen a crack head yesterday with a blue shower cap on and some daisy dukes
15.She said I was pretty....
16.makes u wonder huh? LMAO
17.the crush has manifested itself in a real way... REAL WAY
18. "Got it like I like it and I feel the need to say
Baby it's forever and I really mean to
Make you feel as special as I see you baby"- Janet Jackson~~ With you.
19.Back to school night was Wednesday
20.Len and I made the trip around our son's classes and introducing ourselves to the
teachers.
21.It was so weird even doing this with him because I've never had him involved before.
22.My son is the official, "Ladies Man"
23.My god what have I created
24."I met him when I was a
Little girl, he gave me
He gave me poetry
And he was my first" Common/Erykah- Love of my life
25.I never would've imagined something so beautiful could have come
from pure lust.
26.My son is truly MY LIFE and very existence for being
27."Unsure of what the balance held
I touched my belly overwhelmed
By what I had been chosen to perform
But then an angel came one day
Told me to kneel down and pray
For unto me a man child would be born
Woe this crazy circumstance
I knew his life deserved a chance
But everybody told me to be smart" ~~Lauryn Hill~~ To Zion
28.Seems my little boy is turning into a little man
29.Had the "talk" with him the other day
30.He ran out of the room
31. I really tried to make it all commercial like, but I guess
it was just too embarrassing.
32.Whew! So glad it's Friday, I can't wait to...
33.SLEEP!
34.THE END

Guess who this is for... here we go again!

JANET JACKSON lyrics - "With U"


www.OldieLyrics.com



Strangely I feel a connection with you babe
Oddly enough I crave for it to remain purely
More authentic than I've been used to
Surely this can't be something that's taboo cause you

Got it like I like it and I feel the need to say
Baby it's forever and I really mean to
Make you feel as special as I see you baby
Never have I ever been around someone
Who makes life so free and life so fun
And as crazy as it may sound, I ain't joking baby

[Chorus:]
Cause when I'm in those arms of yours
I'm so gone
The things I like
Can't tell me it's not right
When I'm with you
I lose myself and no one
Can make me do
What I can't wait to do when I'm with you

Really I get inspired off you baby
Truly I feel alive from you
And you're the only
No one else can duplicate you
I'd leave the one I have I know
It's sad but damn you

Got it like I like it and I feel the need
To say baby it's forever and I really mean to
Make you feel as special as I see you baby
Never have I been around someone
Who makes life so free and life so fun
And as crazy as it may sound I ain't joking baby

[Chorus]

The times that we've shared together
Are some of the best times of my life
I wish you were the one
I could be with forever

Cause when I'm with you
I don't want tomorrow to come
And if I had my way
I'd spend every day and night in your arms
So let me lay here
And feel what happiness feels like
And wish for it to last because
Tomorrow it's back to real life

Until then
I'll just keep dreaming

[Chorus]

Hostile work environment

Chris is a short man, with little to nothing going for him except this job. He drives a 1989,convertible BMW, but acts as though it's a 2007 Lexus GS 450H. NOT.
To get a better idea of what I'm trying to describe:
Just think of Napoleon Bonapart (black), with a crooked eye and an over-sized head.
Yup! That about describes him. I've never liked him, although I've tolerated him.
I used to talk with him and even laugh at him ( he not knowing the joke was on him).
I even entertained conversations with him outside of work ( bad call)

Anyhow, this midget of a man has started some unnecessary DRAMA at my job. It all started with the arrival of a new girl, Kenitra. He was immediately attracted to her and began a full fledged campaign to win over her affections. Meanwhile, he's been intimate with another co-worker, Tiffany, who, for some strange reason, is in love with this clown. And while I'm on the subject of co-workers, he has 2 other females he deals with in 2 other departments.. I really wish I had a picture of this clown... because ONCE you see him, you will find yourself asking, WHY? WHY? Well, trouble was on the horizon once everyone found out about the other. Kenitra had no interest in the guy at all... But she carried on outside of work with him, thus encouraging his pursuit.

Tiffany sat in the back row and cried.. and I was in the middle of the crusade. He was trying to get close to me to get close to Kenitra. Then there's Kai, Kenitra's Ex, whom I like and Chris is jealous of ( I mean, Kai is gorgeous). Well, Chris went around telling the likes of me, and anyone else who would listen that Kai was jealous of him because he was taking Kenitra out to lunch on occassion (NOT A GOOD IDEA) Kai Finds out and confronts Kenitra. She's upset. She confronts Chris. Chris is feeling real dumb ( several insults later courtersy of Kenitra)... So.. who gets blamed... ME OF COURSE. What better way to take the light out of your face and shine it somewhere else than to place the blame on someone else.

I had nothing to do with this. Yes, I talk to Kai and Kenitra and Tiffany, but I didn't divulge the information. Kai heard about it from someone else and mentioned it to me.. Now, Chris is attemtpting to come in between Tiffany and I... telling her I was talking behind her back. He said she shouldn't speak to me period. She then sends this e-mail to me :
I have to ask you something. I hate doing this, but I don't like being lied on.

Someone told me that you told someone that I had sex in the car with Mikey that night when we went out to Long Beach, and that I was very nice, or seemed nice but in reality I was a ho. This person that said you told them is someone that I don't talk to outside of work, or even at work, so I am wondering how they would know about us going out that night, unless it came from the mouth of someone that was there that night.
I didn't have sex with Mikey in the car that night, we were kissing because I had a little too much to drink, but I was not that drunk to where I would do that. I don't want to accuse anyone, but I don't like when things are assumed about me, or anyone else, and not going straight to the horse's mouth for the information.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I am just trying to find out what was said, because maybe that person mis-understood. Or maybe you thought we had sex in the car, but we didn't. That is not cool, and I would not do that.

Lets talk about this so that we can squash any rumors that are currently floating out there about me.




Ok... here is my response...



LMAO.. really I SAID u had sex in a car with Mikey.. or Chris asked me did u have sex with Mikey and I told him I didn't know.. I told him that I couldn't confirm or deny it becuase I didnt know.. and actually there is NOT one other person that has EVER asked me about you or mikey ... so no need to beat around the bush.. but u know what I think... I think you and Chris deserve each other.. yes I said u kissed him, but sex was not mentioned... the only person who has ever mentioned that is Aaron.. not me because I didn't know...and the reason this even came up was in reference to what you told chris about your history.. this is really funny.. but see, I could care less whether u or him are my friend or like me.. because I never called u a HOE.. as I said to him directly... that I would never recommend telling my business to any man.. period and being that u have been very sheltered... it's not uncommon to date around.. hoe was never mentioned.. I did mention that i think you should be careful because your very nice and that can lead to getting taken advantage of.... I really have no desire to involved in a bunch of drama or lies.. because truth be told ... he was doing all of the talking and basically PROBED ME until I finally discussed it with him. I didnt call Chris up volunteering your business...
and although it would be quite amusing to see how he would react if I let the cat out of the bag.... I will let it ride.. because I am much mature than that... and I have better things to do... Like I said I have no problem telling u exactly what was said....




SO WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID, I AM SO READY TO KICK THIS FOOL IN THE HEAD. BUT I WILL REMAIN CALM, MATURE AND IN CONTROL. He is BLANTANTLY lying and spreading rumors that are not true...

Another sob story....

My son is living with his father for the 1st time in like...ahh FOREVER!
I wasn't really enthusiastic about the situation because I was bitter. I've
seen modified this emotion with acceptance. I've realized I cannot change
what it is, therefore, I can accept it and move forward. Yesterday, I was sitting '
on his porch hanging out with my son when his dad comes out there. He starts telling me about how his aunt is tripping about the amount of people he has living
there not paying any rent. So, here's a little FYI, His cousin is Andre Miller,
guard for Denver. He bought this property.. IT'S PAID FOR! Yet his mother,
whom is the aunt in question, is gauging the rent to collect more.
She is charging $700 per person for a 2 bedroom house.. LOL Anyhow, he goes
on to tell me how he has to pay for one of his cousins who can't pay. He says
he needs me to keep buying Quin's food. My first reaction, (in my mind that it)
was Yea right Motha Fucca... LOL I have been taking care of this child for
11 years and have not received as much as a penny! The nerve of him complaining to
me about money!! I pay out over $1682 worth of bills and here he is asking me
for food money. That's a laugh...BREATHE CHERISE... so I took a deep breath,
smiled and said Ok. He is MY son before anything else. And I will do whatever
I have to for him. I think this is called MATURITY.

"And when we had our 1st kiss.. it happened on a Thursday...."

My crush is manifesting itself in a real way. This man is on my mind..
in my dreams and becoming a part of my life in a real way. His name is Kai.
He is about 6'3, his skin resembles smooth, dark chocolate. And his body, well
let's just say it speaks for itself. I met him about 4 months ago. I was actually
the 1st person he came in contact with before he was hired. (lucky him)
Anyhow, he was running late for his interview and I let him in the door.
I noticed him at that moment and ever since then... well, I've been crushing on
him. For awhile, I just watched him silently. Never approached him or spoke to him.
That's why having him in my living room last night was almost like a dream.


It was about a month before I got up enough courage to approach him. So I did
via e-mail. That started what he refers to as our, "verbal jousting". For weeks,
we exchanged e-mails back and forth about various topics. So during this informal
courtship we developed a cool relationship... then the worst thing happened.
I found out he'd dated another co-worker, whom I've become friends with. They have
broken up for about 2 years... so, what should I do?


I will tell you what my selfish ass did... I had him on my couch last night. My
head gently resting on his chest. I settled for a kiss on the check instead ...
I'm not in the business to hurt anyone... but it doesn't feel wrong when I am with
him. It feels like we belong together.

The I can't sleep, wtf list...

1.it's 7:25 a.m. and my ass has had maybe 3 hours of sleep
2.no i'm not on crack
3.i think i worked out a little too late
4.the gym is addicting once u get in
5."ring the alarm, I been going too long, but I'll be
damned if i c anotha chic on your arm!" Beyonce, B'Day
6.damn who pissed B off
7.lmao
8.i swear when i seen the video it was like watching myself
9.how scary is that
10."I don't want you, but I want it and I can't let it go" Beyonce B'day
11.yea, so that one line sums up all of my feelings
12.i'm crushing real hard on this dude
13.my co-worker
14.it's not good at all
15.i feel bad, but it's not like i KNEW before
16.he dated my now friend (of sorts) yea i'm rationalizing LMAO
17.i'm so attracted to him
18.i dream about him
19.he's gorgeous too
20.it's all bad
21.sEE I do have some morals even when other's don't
22.everytime I sEE aaron there is a problem
23."I'm tired of hearing from you... your texts, e-mails and phone calls...
just leave me alone" Aaron... on my saying Hello
24.my response... ok
25."You're an amazing person,but you can't start doing amazing things
until you start believing it" Aaron 6:58 p.m.
26.the definition of fucking bi polar
27."How can I be blamed, forgive me lord, I'm insane" Tupac, Friend Like Me..
28.don't flip me off white people.. i'm crazy...
29.she got scared when I jumped out of the car with high heels on
30.LMAO.. yea I'm bad.. PEACE
20."6 foot, dark skin, damn baby you got me open" Destiny's Child
21.so i digress
22.yesterday I came this close to kissing him
23.ooohhh cherise.... taking you back to...
24."I like, the way, you kiss me when we're playing the kissing game" High Five
25.Yea I used to sing that in church... LMAO
26.I never thought I would hear someone say, Jodeci is old
27.LMAO was it that long ago...
28.doesn't seem like it was... 15 years ago
25

for him... who keeps me flying high

the crush.

does he know I watch from afar...
not too close as to cause a commotion,but close enough to gather these emotions...inside...
like butterflies ...flying all around
...my heart speaks to him, but falls on a deaf ear...when he is near I'm intoxicated by his smell...I listen closely to every detail... he reveals... maybe next lifetime...but my now needs him like forever... oh! I forgot to mention...I never had these intentions...of getting close enough to touch him deeper than...
this abyss...I seem to be falling within... to no avail... to no end.
Am i wasting my time... contemplating...rhymes to his rhythm...sending subliminal messages...overwhelmed by this obsession.. to taste what is likely to spark a resurrection of suppressed erections...over-flowing- it could be mind blowing... if we could...
then it would... and we both know...
it's too late... to consummate these thoughts... or dreams...
into reality...

...Why do I ?

Why Do I Feel So Sad?
(Alicia Keys, Warryn Campbell)
Song 14 / time: 4:25


Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
?Cause I had to say goodbye

[chorus:]
By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be

?Cause I wish that I could stay
But in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize
Your actions speak much louder than words
So tell me why oh

[chorus: 2x]

By now by now I should know
That in time things must grow
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

[chorus]

[Ad-lib to end]

I can't even make this SHHH up LIST and other shit

*** I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT even make this stuff up***


1.have u ever seen 2 old ass people fight?
2.albertson's, 7pm.. fight in produce
3.little, fragile old lady throwing tomatoes at her fragile husband
4.then she rams him with the car... this is where I intervene
5."excuse me... u really shouldn't beat him up in the store, someone
may call the police on you"
6. old lady replied, " Mind your business, this is a private matter!"
7.I walk away laughing... everyone in the store is laughing
8.I walk into the meat department and she is throwing cans at him
and ramming him with the cart..
9.is you don't believe me... ask Arlyn, he was on the phone with me when the
whole thing happened....
10.Again, I tried to help the helpless man, but the old lady attempted to
attack me with my own cart.. LOL (yea she was about 90)
11. Me in response to be attacked by the crazy old lady: "Hey, I fight
old people" LMAO whatever .....ya'll would have done the same thing...
12. Old lady: "Fuck off"
13. Me: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
14. Gay dude..."That's just evil" in his best Diana Ross voice.
15.Jamaican dude: "See I am glad u are here to see this because the
man always gets blamed.That is just wrong for her to beat that man up"
16.Yes the ENTIRE store was involved
17.I look up and notice his seraded teeth that were EXTRA yellow.
18.He notices ME **blushing* cause I think I'm cute
19.Giving myself props ** gotta do that sometimes**
20.Right Teej ;)
21. so he gives me the cheesiest line
22.I'm trying to bring ya up, baby not down
23.here comes larry
24.offering pictures of himself
25.the shirt said," I'm sick of these TIDE azz hoes"
26.Why black people, Why?
27.next cheesy line...
28.every car need a spare tire and i will be that spare tire to
help u and give u everything u need...
29.Yes, that is how he signed the picture.
30.I spotted 3 jheri curls in the DMV
31.Yup 3 and one of them was fresh out of the bag
32.Finally got my plate... I settled on So Poetc

33.I think dee is really crazy
34.so guess what I did this weekend...
35. I played with a stripper
36.the same one from a few years ago
37."I never dreamed you'd leave in Summer. You said you would be here when
it rained... Oh I never dreamed you'd leave in summer...."
Common feat Lauryn Hill "Stay"
38.I miss him from time to time

39.Every time I see him it sets me back like a whole month
40. I seen him on Saturday night at my sis's bday party
41.It started out bad
42.It ended with a kiss
43.I'm tired of people mistaking me for a latina
44.that ain't what I'm taking Spanish for!
45.the boy started Jr.High..must be nice to have a momma that dresses you like this:


46.i'm going to try NOT to cry.... I CRIED!
47.i'm so worried for him
48.i worry way too much sometimes
49.3 days off and I am tired as hell
50.you would've thought I got some sleep... fat chance!

The weeks trauma's and other misc. drama...

This weekend seemed to drag on. No matter how much I did, time slowed
almost to a stop. At least on my watch. Everyone and everything seemed
to go on around me as if I weren't even there. On Saturday I had a plan.
Get downtown and school shop. I'd asked Aaron if he could go since he
was more familar with the kinds of stuff Marquin likes. He agreed and
I told him I would pick him up around 10am. Well, when I overslept by
20 minutes, I immediately grabbed my phone to let him know I would be late.
He answered 15 rings later and informed me he would not be going. I was
furious. This was the 3rd time he'd broken plans in 2 weeks. I'd had enough.
I gave him everything short of a full fledged tantrum. I was beat. I shopped alone.
Anyway, school shopping is done $450 bucks later.. *SIGH* If my baby ain't gonna
be the best dressed little boy there...


*** Next Dilemma***
I'm soo scared about my son starting Jr. High. Is that just the mommy in me?
I mean, I know he is a smart boy. He is a carbon copy of me. The girls have
already started flocking and he has already begun his little secretive moods.
I'm scared for his safety. I'm scared of what he might be exposed to, but
most of all I'm just sad to see him grow up so fast. I never realized my little
baby would grow into a little man so quickly. **sigh**


**** Weird Men***

Weird Guy# 1... Met him at the super market. He came off really nice
until the initial phone call.

Me:**laughing at a myspace pic, I answer the phone** Hello?

Weird Guy: What are you doing?

Me:Who is this? ( a bit annoyed)

Weird Guy:Larry, from Albertson's. Whatcha doin?

Me: Getting ready for bed (it's Sunday)

Weird: Dang I wanted to see you. So when do u think I can see you?

Me: **Hestitating** Maybe next weekend

Weird Guy: Well you know I got my own place and stuff, so u can come over here
and spend the night with me.

Me: Ahh No, I have my own bed sweetie, plus I don't sleep with people I don't know

Weird Guy: Hold on Aiight... ** weird guy never comes back or calls again**

And trust I wasn't looking forward to another call.



Next Weird Guy, we'll call him Mr. Talker

Met this guy on BP ( yea I already know better!) BUT he is Handsome, and he is NOT
from Cali. He just got to Cali last week via Virginia. He seems very nice but he
talks A LOT. And when I say talks a lot... well, see for yourself...

Ring!Ring!Ring!

Me: Hello?

Weird Guy: Hello, This is the guy you met on Bp, wassup

Me: Not much how are u...?

Weird Guy: yadadyaydaydyadyaydaydaydaydyaydayadya on and on and on
until I FELL ASLEEP ON HIS ASS...












***Conversations with Dee***

For those of you who don't know about Dee, he is my co-worker. We actually
sit right next to each other. My first impression of him wasn't that great, but
over time I've grown very fond of him. It's like the old saying,Never judge
a book by it's cover! And trust me, there is a lot of story beneath the
dull exterior. Dee is short for Deraymion, but instead of confusing our
customer's with such an unusual name, he's shortened it to just "DEE". There
are many times throughout my day where I hear him saying, My name is Dee... D-E-E
or Dee, like A-B-C-D... it's quite funny.

Anyhow, our conversations range anywhere from politics to religion.. with all that in between. I would define Dee as a free thinker, meaning he has an answer for everything. LOL He's a bit of cheap skate and he's always looking for new and improved ways to save a dollar or two. He keeps me laughing and sometimes I don't
know how I would get through my day without him... here is a typical conversation:

Dee: Aye, do you ever write stuff that the customer doesn't say in the notes.
Being that you're a writer and all.

Me: Naw, I just write what they say.

Dee: You never just write whatever

Me: No!

Dee: Man, I do, but it only happens after lunch. It's like my hand
goes number or something and I can't control what I write.

Me: Laughing.. Dee, you're crazy.






**Special Note*** I am going to be writing a special series Called, WHY Black People, WHY?... Stay tuned.. LMAO

Work it out Reese!

Well, here's the scoop. I'm all registered for school. I dove in head
first sparing no excuses. Hopefully, by the end of the semester I
will understand spanish a lot better than I speak it... Now, if I
could only get these book costs under control.. (lol) I joined the
Gym... (officially) Been in 3 times this week. I can already feel the
difference. I'm dedicated to maintaining a busy lifestyle. I have
to... it's the only console my mind has.... I'm ok. I'm feeling fine and
sleeping well... that's a start. Now, when I get rid of these extra
pounds, I might have to get all Beyonce' on ya'll. I'm good on men
right now. Really I am.

I'm Just Reese...

IT came to me last night, while I was laying half naked in my bed,
ALONE, surrounded by darkness: I don't NEED him anymore!!
The longing has left my body and any hopes of happily ever after has slowly dissipated from my soul. He is gone and in his place now are the sounds of a hissing mechanical toy. This is my life.

I laid there waiting for IT to happen. Squinting in the dark,thinking
HARD about anything that would carry me away from everlasting loneliness.
Nothing happened.Shit.
Maybe I do NEED him, I thought. "Nope,you don't", my mind replied.
Think Harder I told myself.
Conjuring up any image I could fathom that remotely resembled a MAN.
2 minutes later I laid there exhausted from my efforts to attain sexual
stimulation. I gave up. I turned over on my side and drifted off to
sleep.6 hours later my alarm sounds in the silence like a school fire alarm.
It startled me out of my dream...it's still dark.It seems as though I've lost
my drive to do anything more except work.I spent this past weekend just hanging
out with my mom and laying around my house.I didn't spend one penny.
Which is a blessing, I guess.

Usually when I get this low,I shop.It's like having my own personal therapist. I love shoes and recently gave away about 40 pair.( A gesture that was definitely a sacrifice in itself)But,I have no desire to purge myself inside
of some bright,busy department store.That's too much like Happy.And Happy I am not.
I walk at the beach a lot and tonight I'm off to the gym to become another
spectacle in a sea of perfect bodies. Sounds like such fun.Hooray! A nice bag
of chocolate should suffice, with nuts please...then maybe,I will head on over
to the stair master to step my fat away.

It only gets better, they say. Well, someone let me know when better gets here.

The Wednesday, (Blah blah Blah) Middle of the week list

1. i think i've mastered the art of arguing via text messaging,
while driving in traffic
2.why the hell would he send me a picture of himself, with all the
hoes phone numbers listed in the message details?
3.he deserved to get cussed the fuck out!
4.4am comes much too fast
5. i wonder WHY time doesn't fly by as fast when my ass is at
work listening to these crazy people
6.yea he is fine as hell...
7.but, he belonged to another co-worker( who is somewhat a friend)
8.still wouldn't mind playing with him.. after hours that is..
9.*wink*
10.blah blah blah blah....
11.and blah again
12.it's what i feel today
13."i take a shot of hennesey, now i'm strong enough to face the
madness...nickle bag full of cest weed laced with hash"
it ain't easy...Tupac
14.the end

The overdue "Weekend" list

1.Upon my entering Vroman's bookstore,"Excuse me ma'am,can you direct
me to the African American section"...clerk replied,"We don't have any
fiction,only HIStory stuff"
*Thought to self*, "Do I look like I came in
here for some fucking ZANE or Jerome Dickey? Dumb bitch"
Actual reply...
"Thanks, but I would like to see what you have.."
2. Needless to say I didn't buy any books from that place
3.My car has now reached a certified gansta status..limo tint windows,
loud stereo, crazy driver...LMAO
4.when the hell did I start numbering my lists?
5. that damn Teej.. and here it comes... FISTING.. LMAO
6.This is my 2nd week of 6-5pm M-F.. last week it took it's toll
I cannot be responsible for the person I am AFTER 5pm.
7.I spent way too much money this week..
8.But Hell, that's what I'm working all this OT for right? that and
school clothes...
9.When the hell did the laundrymat get soo WEIRD.
10.Damn I miss my washer and dryer in Vegas :(
11. First weird episode... I'm sitting on the folding tables
yaking on the phone.... Weird guy # 1 says, "That's my sister,
you have a pretty face." He then walks away.
12.OKAAAY.. so my face is pretty, but the rest of me must be
pretty ugly... LMAO
13.Yea Perry, I had to re-think that statement... not that
most appealing line to say to a lady... LOL
14.Weird Guy # 2.. ok he is going to require a few lines.. lol
15.He's playing Basketball in the parking lot.. uhhh there is
no hoop
16.I'm walking to my car and he runs up to me and asks,"Ah, do
you have your cell phone charger? I need to borrow it?" Weird
guy is sweating.. and panting like a dog...
17.WTF? My cell phone charger?? who the hell is he? Felicia?
18.My reply," get the hell away from my car, FOOL!"
19.He ran away
20.Why the hell is everyone pregnant?
21.Every friend or Family member with the exception of 2
are with child and on their way to the alter
22.I picked a fine time to be single
23.Yea, I never felt so SINGLE in my life
24.Hung out with Shamika on Saturday... cool cool cool
25.we always end up shopping and eating
26.side of the road fruit is the shhhhhit
27.ya'll ain't knowing about the fruit lady *wink*
28.i didn't eat much this weekend.. back to that *sigh*
29.can't have a list without mentioning HIM
30.Didn't see him this weekend, except to go pick up my bra
31.LOL yea my bra and it's NOT what u think
32.he looked handsome as usual
33.he is still a jerk to me and I have to remind myself
of it everytime i get lonely
34.I met another guy named..**drum roll please**
35.AARON
36.He lives where?
37.In compton
38. AND he is a Sheriff
39.No thanks, I can do without ANYMORE Aaron's in my life,especially
one associated with the fucking POLICE...
40."Fuck yo couch, Nigga"......."I'm rick james bitch!"
41.That was the best shit ever!

Black Panther vs Uncle Tom

Here's the scenario:
Strong, Assertive, Black man. Stands for
Something, Falls for nothing! Pro Black Revolutionary in every shape...
Loves his Sistahs
.......When you see him, he has a beautiful, black woman on his arm...
He's Proud....Then suddenly


He moves to Cali... Big City, Hollywood, beautiful scenery; beautiful people.
The black woman he once had on his arm has been replaced with a
blonde haired, blued eyed, skinny white woman. What Changed?


The reason I am even talking about this issue is because I
have a friend who was all of these things I mentioned. In fact, he
wouldn't even date a light skinned, (mixed) black woman like myself.
So when he called me out of the blue a few days ago and said, "Guess
what, I moved to Cali!"... I wasn't surprised. I wasn't even surprised
when he asked to hang out with me... it was when he began to
tell me that he EXPLORING other races... My first thought was, WoW...
Because I KNOW him. Then he said, "Oh yea, I've been dating a white woman"..
That's when the shock set in...and what's even more shoking is the fact
that he does not understand WHY he is getting so much flack behind
his NEW choice. Well.. I will elaborate...





My mother is white. My father is black (and indian..lol) My mother
actually is a decendant of 1st generation immigrants. My grandmother was
from Yugoslavia...her family escaped a deconcentration camp and immigrated
here in the late 1940s. My grandmother married my grandfather, (of irish decent)
and then my mom came along.............Long story short. My grandparents
separated.. my grandmother ended up marrying a black man and having 4
more children. She left my mother and her sisters/brother to pursue her new
life... 10 years later I came along under similar circumstances...

My mother met my father in High School. 2 years later I was
born. My father's mother is black. Her family originated from the south,
but relocated to Detriot in the early part of the 20th Century. My great-grandma
had a hard life from what I know and she was a desendant of former slaves.
I don't remember her because she died when I was a little girl. My grandfather
was full blooded indian. His mother was cherokee and his father blackfoot.
My great-grandma Thomas lived to be 97. She died a week before I had my son.
I had the wonderful opportunity of knowing her. As you can see, I come from
an interesting Mix. However, I identify myself as black. AS does SOCIETY.


Well all that BEING said, my being MIXED doesn't necessarily mean I agree
with interacial dating. I think I've said this before, there are serious
emotional ramifications that many people don't consider before they join and
bring a mixed race child into the world. I suffered endless abuse at the hands
of other children growing up. My teens years were turbulent as I fought my
way through an identity crisis that my white mother didn't understand and my
black father didn't care to understand. I was stuck. So now, I live my life
day by day and for the most part on the RARE occasions I am faced racial
adversity...I have the ability to cope with it in a more positive manner.
But I still hate that all too famous line," Well, you don't look black"...
That's as bad as telling a black person, "Well you don't ACT black"
WTF does that mean?




Now as far as my pro black brothers jumping ship and skiing with
the snow bunnies.. personally, I have no respect for Black Men that talk the
talk, but don't walk the walk... What do u think?

Midnight Madness...

I'm working a lot lately. Basically from 5am to 6pm.. I am at work, on my way to work, or coming home from work... and ANYONE who KNOWS me... Knows that when
I get depressed, I work. Needless to say, I don't get much sleep...
There are rare occassions in between being asleep and awake that I have great ideas. My words flow poetically and eloquently (this however, is NOT one of those times).
I can write ENTIRE stories during this time... or even poems.. And they sound
perfect... the bad part is I can't remember them when I wake up.. Oh well.

I feel restless. I told my friend today that I feel so out of place. Like, ok what do I do with myself? I am NOT unhappy.. I'm ... well, I don't know what I am yet.

I have weird thoughts too! For instance, I'm driving down the street and all of a sudden, I think: I'm really a man. I feel like a man sometimes. LOL I mean, for whatever that is worth. Since I honestly have no real clue on what being a man feels like, but I sure don't feel like much of a woman nowadays. I digress. *sigh*

I hate hairy legs, but I'm too lazy to shave mine... and why is that some women
can have 6 kids and have a completely flat stomach, when I had just ONE and my stomach looks like a hippo's ass.. More of my wonderful thoughts. I wonder if midgets
ever have eating disorder's like anorexia or bulemia... and why isn't there ONE mexican that can drive?

p.s. I swear if ONE more person calls my job and says, Honda's are
supposed to last forever! i'm going to strangle them...
Teej, I need some here... lol

Just leave me alone....

It's Friday... Hot, Humid and HERE I am sitting at home staring at the pc...
writing. Well, things could be worse. Somehow in my silly little heart,
it feels like it is. Why does he contact me, only to reiterate that he doesn't want me? What's up with that? One minute, it's," I love you, Reese" followed by FUCK YOU!

I haven't been to his house since I left.
I make it a point to stay away. I just work. Because what else do I have?
My son is away with his dad. My best friend is starting a new family.
And well, everyone else has a LIFE except ME. I don't want to date.
And it's even hard for me to get out and enjoy myself. While I appreciate being noticed for the few pounds I've lost during this transition,
I'm lonely.


I've organized my poetry book. I'm happy with it. I started on getting my blog together a few months ago, but I stopped because I felt like it was missing something... an ending. So, I'm content on having my poetry book published for now.


I love him. It hurts so bad that I cannot even cry anymore. The fights are
endless and honestly pointless. He told me today, "Who cares who's right
or wrong? I don't, I'm tired of fighting!" It's the first thing he's said in a long time that I agreed with.
I can't make his wrongs right or vice versa. This is my fault...It's me. I need validation. Revenge.


Something to make ME feel just. I just CAN'T MOVE ON.

Or can I, but refuse?


I asked him to make a decision today and while I ranted and raved about past events I cannot change I heard him CLEARLY when he said,"Cherise, I don't want to be with you".................. Well, Aaron, neither do I.


I know they say time heals all pain. I've been here once before.
I guess this time around I need to try a different angle.

Single. The games begin.

Ok. So I'm real new to this single stuff. Honestly, I don't
even feel like I'm single. I still see Aaron from time to time.
We are working on this friend thing. I live alone. And yes I'm lonely
as hell, but I deal with it. I have my pc and my TCM (turner classic
movie channel) and I'm good. It helps that I am right near the
beach because I love to go walking. (Although my schedule has caused
a bit of conflict in that department) Anyhow, there is this GUY.
A guy I have known for about 4 years. I won't bust him out because I
actually LIKE him, for whatever that's worth! LOL


Lately we've been speaking via texts,e-mails and phone. We talk
about everything. He is a very nice man and has a good head on
his shoulders. BUT he asked me to borrow $100 yesterday.
I mean, I haven't even SEEN him in over a year. So what would
make him think I would give him a $100 bucks. I would give
Teej $100 bucks before him and he is 2000 miles away/LMAO.
My point in saying this is why would he even consider asking me.
WE TALK about EVERYTHING. He knows I just moved. He knows I'm a single
mother. He knows I just bought a new vehicle. So Why in his right
mind would he think I have an extra $100 bucks? It truly makes
me question his integrity. I mean come on, we haven't seen each
other in a year. And it's not like I have spent this mass amount
of time with him when I was in Vegas (oops just gave it away lol)
but even so, I thought it was pretty inconsiderate and very poor
judgement. I look at him totally different and find myself uninterested
in getting to know him now.

I could be totally WRONG about this, but this is just my opinion:
Men should not ask women to borrow money. At least a woman, whom u
barely know or a woman that is NOT directly related to you. It's
not very classy at all.

My first night without him...

Well, everything is moved. I spent the entire day unpacking what
I could to give myself "something" to do. The apartment is
coming along great! It was weird, being there alone, with only the
sounds of my thoughts and sometimes my heartbeat as I made my
way up and down the stairs. I felt so... satisfied. I felt like I
belonged at this place.. at this moment and everything I've been
through brought me right back to where I started 10 years ago.
I believe this is called Full Circle.

After a day of unpacking and shopping I was exhausted. The
best thing about being in my own apartment again is
being naked. (lol Teej) Of course, I can only do this when
my son is not home, but for now he is away with his father, so
I can perform cartwheels naked if I want. LOL
I took a long, hot shower and boy that felt great!! I just walked around
naked all night.. lol and I LOVED IT... I fell asleep around
10:30 and I thought I would be a little scared my first night...
Who am I fooling? I was! I slept with my hammer and the living room
dimmer lights on.. lol.. but when I woke up this morning
I was refreshed. When I came into work, people noticed the
difference. I had time to get everything done I needed.
I even put my make-up on.. lol
I got the through the first night, now I just have to get
through the rest of my life.








P.S.
I'm sorry I didn't get to see my friend this weekend.( Teej)
But I'm sure he understands that I had a huge agenda that
needed to be accomplished. Just think, next time he comes he
can stay with me.. ;)
And speaking of friends, I have one that lives about 9 minutes
away ( I timed it) and I haven't seen her in like 2 weeks..
lOL umm hmmm

Consumed.

I believe he hates me.
Maybe I am too consumed with my own pain and
blame to understand why.
IT could be my doing because I know being me is hard
enough, I can't imaging being WITH ME.
Who am I fooling?
I purposely hurt him at times because I have been hurt too many times.
I have too many memories of pain. Resentment.
I haven't forgiven him nor myself.
Excuses!
His hands find his way around my neck all
too often, as do the sick obscenities that
escape his mouth.
It's my fault.
I'm still Trying to hold on.
Loving him.
Plotting.
The closer it gets to my departure I'm
less of a person; I feel...nothing
I'm numb actually.
I can't believe it's over.
For good this time.
that's what he SAYS anyway.
and why should I care if he's so bad anyway.
I will tell you why
Love is selfish, vindictive,vengeful
and pretends to give hope.
IT's all a lie.
Now i understand why...
He hates me.