Consumed.

I believe he hates me.
Maybe I am too consumed with my own pain and
blame to understand why.
IT could be my doing because I know being me is hard
enough, I can't imaging being WITH ME.
Who am I fooling?
I purposely hurt him at times because I have been hurt too many times.
I have too many memories of pain. Resentment.
I haven't forgiven him nor myself.
Excuses!
His hands find his way around my neck all
too often, as do the sick obscenities that
escape his mouth.
It's my fault.
I'm still Trying to hold on.
Loving him.
Plotting.
The closer it gets to my departure I'm
less of a person; I feel...nothing
I'm numb actually.
I can't believe it's over.
For good this time.
that's what he SAYS anyway.
and why should I care if he's so bad anyway.
I will tell you why
Love is selfish, vindictive,vengeful
and pretends to give hope.
IT's all a lie.
Now i understand why...
He hates me.