July 28, 2006

Just leave me alone....

It's Friday... Hot, Humid and HERE I am sitting at home staring at the pc...
writing. Well, things could be worse. Somehow in my silly little heart,
it feels like it is. Why does he contact me, only to reiterate that he doesn't want me? What's up with that? One minute, it's," I love you, Reese" followed by FUCK YOU!

I haven't been to his house since I left.
I make it a point to stay away. I just work. Because what else do I have?
My son is away with his dad. My best friend is starting a new family.
And well, everyone else has a LIFE except ME. I don't want to date.
And it's even hard for me to get out and enjoy myself. While I appreciate being noticed for the few pounds I've lost during this transition,
I'm lonely.


I've organized my poetry book. I'm happy with it. I started on getting my blog together a few months ago, but I stopped because I felt like it was missing something... an ending. So, I'm content on having my poetry book published for now.


I love him. It hurts so bad that I cannot even cry anymore. The fights are
endless and honestly pointless. He told me today, "Who cares who's right
or wrong? I don't, I'm tired of fighting!" It's the first thing he's said in a long time that I agreed with.
I can't make his wrongs right or vice versa. This is my fault...It's me. I need validation. Revenge.


Something to make ME feel just. I just CAN'T MOVE ON.

Or can I, but refuse?


I asked him to make a decision today and while I ranted and raved about past events I cannot change I heard him CLEARLY when he said,"Cherise, I don't want to be with you".................. Well, Aaron, neither do I.


I know they say time heals all pain. I've been here once before.
I guess this time around I need to try a different angle.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

New life? Stop it!! Maybe if someone stops standing me up, then perhaps we could spend more time together(wink). Oh! And Stay out of the kitchen!! (hint)

kiss kiss

love you!

T.a.c.D said...

I don't know your total situation...but I can relate based on what I have read thus far on your blog...it took me a GOOD year and half to heal from my break up of my 4 year relationship...

Someone told me once to morn it, morn it just like its a death...and when I looked at it like that, I was really able to move forward...I kept that pictures and things, but I threw out all the letters the cards all of that stuff...all it did was drive me crazy every time I went back to re-read them...

In time you will be fine...and I KNOW it doesn't seem like it now...but your life will be full, busy and happy...just give it time and rock on Sista! Stay strong!

T.a.c.D said...
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