I cried again.

Last nite I was tired & very irritable. I had a headache out of this world. I intially wasn't going to go to work.I wasn't scheduled until 12pm,but I'd called out around 11am. I ran my errands, got my hair done and even managed to meet a friend for lunch ( or rather he watched me pick at some food I didn't want)
By the way, I've lost 10 or so lbs.. My appetite sucks right now. (wonder why) I ended up going to work around 2pm... one of my reps was having some issues. Work was boring.. 4 hrs of just sitting around.. Immediately following work I went home and straight to sleep. I was supposed to go out on a date (( I guess))... to the movies. With this guy I met, he is 33 and very handsome.. intelligent, has a job and he even has 2 cars.. which is cool because most men you meet here look for you to ride them around town. I liked the conversation we had. I was just too tired to go anywhere... plus I couldn't get you know who off of my mind. So when he called I declined to go out and went right back to sleep. While asleep I was tricked and bamboozled... LOL I dreamed of a house and a baby in my stomach... and Aaron. It was so real that I could feel the baby inside of my stomach moving. I didn't want to wake up and shit, I thought it was real anyway... so when my eyes opened and I looked around... I cried. I layed there and cried like a big ass baby! I don't wanna be here alone. AND I don't want to go on dates.... I don't want to explain who I am to someone new. I don't wanna lay with someone else other than him... I don't wanna think about anyone else besides him. This sucks... really sucks.. I'm sitting listening to Omarian singing, " I wish I didn't love you". What makes this even more difficult is the fact that he acts like he doesn't miss me.. he doesn't need me.. that is how I know in my heart we are done.. He's never done this before. I know I have to accept this. But maybe I can hold on for just a little while longer. And I'm not going to even give my number out anymore. There is no need to waste anyone's time with me.. I'm hopeless right now.