He surprised with flowers on Friday. I wasn't expecting him until later on that evening. Then I got a call that I had a visitor.. In my mind, I'm thinkin' "Must be the food guy.. bout time.." So, I get up to make the journey to the front of my office and there he stood. Pure beauty ... standing there smiling with a basket full of my favorite flowers. I knew at that momemt one day I would be his wife. I greeted him and he walked me back to my desk. We chatted for a few and we'd promised to meet later for dinner. That was the begining of a lovely weekend. It seemed like we did everything.... Movies, Pic-Nics in the park.. cuddling.. just loving each other. I swear it felt surreal. So it was only fitting when it was time for him to go last nite that tears fell, more than usual. I laid quietly in my bed surrounded by darkness and cried myself to sleep.
This morning I was awakened by a dull pain in my lower abdomen. It lingered most of the weekend yet I ignored it. I'd been checked on Thursday and was assured that everything was OK. I proceeded to go to work, but the pain was sharper ... worse even. About 25 minutes into my shift I headed to the ER. I was scared. Alone. Prepared for the worst. When I arrived they immediately attended to me. My blood was taken. I was rushed to Ultra Sound/ Cat scan. Then came the news. My placenta had ruptured and there was nothing They could do. I would need to get a D&C to remove the rest of the Contents as the PA put it. I felt so violated. WHY? There was no one I could call. I was embarrassed. Heart Broken and ALONE. I laid there and cried. I cried like I've never cried before. Clutching my belly as if someone had stolen something from inside of me. My head throbbed. 20 minutes later it was over. I laid there empty. I knew the risks from the begining. I knew my history. But this time I'd thought I'd had a chance. Instead, God played a cruel joke on my heart.
My Babies.....
My heart.
My soul...
6 comments:
Aww so sorry to hear that u lost ur babies....who is that fool on ur screen is that Joe....if so he looked fucked off ne way i dont now why he was tripping....
Ahhhhhhh, damn. I'm so sorry to read this... I don't know you and words are so inadequate, but I hope you find the comfort that you need as you begin to heal physically, but moreso emotionally. You'll remain in my prayers.
So sorry...... my prayers..
Oh hunni, I am so sorry. Just remember there are people who care about you as you go through this loss.
Reese....you will never know how much a feel your pain right now...I wish you had of called me like you said you were gonna do...I could have told you somethings that would have...hunny you have no idea right about now...plz call me...or email me like asap...
I will pray for you and you fam...man:(
My prayers are with you sweetie, I know that was such an unexpected blow.
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