Rising Tides.. rushin water

I feel like I'm drowning, yet I'm not under water. He thinks I'm this negative, unhappy, evil person. Am I? I laugh when appropriate.. I help out friends and family... I try to give my son the best I can at all times. I'm far from perfect. But I do give my all. Or do I? There are times when the tide rises and I feel overwhelmed. I can't get up outta bed because I am just too sad. Held down by these crashing waves. I lay next to the love of my life only to be awakened by terrorizing nightmares and internet escapades. Why are You up @ 1am chatting with strangers? Why are YOU retrieving telephones numbers from women whom you've never met? I don't understand. Then the sadness kicks in. I don't eat. This burning pain called insecurity starts to hamper away in the pit of my soul. I'm hopeless I guess. Too trusting yet not trusting enough. I can't let go of my intuition. But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He loves me when I'm near. Kisses my doubt away with his charm and strength. My hope rests in the life of my son... and the lives of these precious unborn children. I love them. I love him. I wanted to turn around today while driving home to Vegas. I wanted to run back to him and promise him a lifetime of happiness. Unfortunately, life doesn't always equate happiness. Sometimes the tides rush in too fast.. destroying everything you've built. Then you must decide if u want to move to higher ground for the sake of feeling SECURE.. .or rebuild and relish in the earth's beauty... no matter how angry she may become at times.
You decide.