Dreams.. Nightmares ...covering memories

I had to go to California again this weekend. I'm tired today. Back home in my bed, but totally exhausted. I had a death in my family and I missed the funeral. Anyhow, I spent most of the weekend with Aaron with the exception of Saturday because he was @ Magic Mountain with his buddies. For obvious reasons I didn't go. All day Saturday I was hanging out with my cousin, Saraan back in my hometown of Pasadena, Ca. I ended up at the tatoo parlor and came out with this...





I don't want hear it! lol LOL



Anyhow, so in between managing my panic attacks and listening to my cousin talk about a bunch of losers I could careless about..Saturday slowly faded away. Soo tired. Feels like my body is run down and when I'm asleep My mind wanders into strange lands. I'm dreaming and I see my son in the botton of a pool. Everytime I tried to dive in I kept floating to the top/ Finally I get him out and he's fine. It was as if he was sleeping under the water. Weird. Don't know what it means,but I'm sure it has something to do with some deep seeded fear. Then last night I was dreaming about 5 different scenarios. My old best friend was there... and I could see a baby... then all of a sudden someone is trying to choke me. I don't know what the hell is going on in my big ass head!! I know I'm stressed about this baby. I've been having a little bit of spotting and a pain down in my abdomen. The Dr. doesn't seemed concerned... She says spotting is normal and so is the pain. As long as I'm not bleeding and having pains so severe I can't stand it. In my opinion pain is pain!! Shit. Anyway... back to this tattoo before I forget... See, I have 8 tats all together. And I had a tat on my chest that was about 15 years old. It was my first loves name. LOL Well, it's not like I was holding on to the tat for nostalgia or anything... it was just plain laziness. I decided on Saturday that I would get it covered it. Seems a little cliche' to cover one name up with another and maybe it's just stupid! I don't know. All I can say is he is it for me. Whether we last or not. That may seem so FINAL. But it is! I can't explain it. Well, I'm taking my tired ass to bed.....

Bonne Nuit! au revoir! bon jour!