Razors... Screaming.... Music... Delusions.. It's over!

It's all over now. It's Quiet. Sitting here reflecting back on the last 2 days as if they were a surreal dream. Fast Moving Images play out as my actions. Blood warm running from my wrist... I hear him in the distance..Screaming!! I don't want you! I hate you! He's hurting. I hurt him. I ruined our family. Blood still running.. dripping even... it's loud... like a hammer banging against a wall.. each drip BANG!BANG! BANG! I wonder if he's with her right now. I hate her. I want to kill her. IT's not her fault. I created this situation. BANG! BANG! BANG! I can hear the music. Slowly.. My eyes begin to see that I need you here right with me at all times...My feelings are sooo deep for you That was beautiful. I can still feel the wind carressing my cheek.. the water beneath my feet... the music slow danced with my soul. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I'm screaming now. I can hear someone's voice.. **shaking me** STop fucking shaking me, ok.. I'm OK! I'm OK!
**** No I'm NOT!**** How can U walk away from me? Do u hear me???? ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!! PLEASE. I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE. I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU BACK WHAT I TOOK AWAY! It's no use. It's dark now, but I can see a bright light. My eyes are heavy under the pressure... closing fast. I'm trying to focus... can't ... **shaking me*** Stop fucking shaking me!!!!!!!!!! I said I'M OK. It's cold. I'm wet.I'm scared. I wake up in a colorless room. I hate white. It means nothing.It goes nowhere. I close my eyes. I see him there in my mind. The way we used to be for that split second of happiness. I can hear his laughter and feel his touch. I feel safe.
He ALWAYS KEPT ME SAFE. I wonder if he's with her now... cooking her my meals and spending my time.He thinks I'm crazy, well shit, I think I'm crazy! I hate her again. I opened my eyes. WHITE. Arghhh! I have to get out of here. My hands are numb. WHat did I do? This has to be a dream. Here comes the music again. I must be going fucking cookoo....I can't let this love slip away....Please don't go away from me....Damn, it seemed like they were singing directly about my life. How can I make this better? How can I make him see that I'm NOT this liar, slut...crazy person he thinks I am. How can I show him who I am.. beneath this shell of a person. The person who writes and sings and loves the rain. Why can't he see how simple I am underneath all of this complexity..Please don't go away from me.. we can work it out,,,don't go... don't go Damn song keeps playing. Over and over again. I walked away.. probably a bad idea. Too much time on my hands to think. My mind is my worse enemy. It controls my thoughts. *********I'm sure I'm dreaming now. Maybe not.
What happened to my arm. I don't remember the razor. I don't remember! I won't remember. His voice is on my phone. WE're shouting again. Dialtone! CALLS CALLS CALLS.. Redial!!! ANSWER PLEASE>. She's back again.Fuck that bitch. I told her I will kill her. I meant it. No cherise! ******** It's raining now. We talked for hours. At least I think we did. He's my heart. He didn't hear me. I'm sitting here letting my mind control the conversation. My heart is just standing by.. watching pitifully. Give up Cherise. It's over.







.................Cherise J Thomas................................