Another Fairy tale gone down the drain....

I knew there would be something keeping him from me.. so when the phone rang and I heard his voice... he didn't have to mention that his alternator went out and that he was walkin' home.. I ALREADY knew he wasn't coming. I'm sitting here alone. I've cried a couple of times. We actually had a conversation and ONCE AGAIN he reiterated how we are NOT going to be together. I cried again... right there in the beauty shop..oblivious to my tears fallin.. the conversations buzzed around me while the smell of oil sheen & burnt hair engulfed my nostrils. I hid beneath the dryer hoping the hot air would soak up my tears. I've listened to all the stories. .... heard all the tales. Over & over everyone keeps telling me TO LET HIM GO! I'm just not ready. He was my prince charming... however uncharming he may have been at times. . ..He still rode the white horse into my life & ran off with my damned glass slipper...
( u know, I'm so fucking talented... what the hell am I doing with my life?) Right now I'm fighting to stay alive.. for ANYONE that KNOWS me listen closely when I say... I'm FIGHTING to STAY ALIVE. Gasping for breath in my dreams...wishing never to wake up from the fantasies that help me get thru my realities. A friend of mine sent me some beautiful CD's... 3 different themes... a sex u up cd... a spiritual cd & a get over his ass now cd!! (LMAO) One song in particular on the Spritual Cd was Janet Jackson's "Lonely" This is an older song from Rhythm Nation 1814.. not too many know about this song ...unless u happen to A. LOVE JANET or B. KNOW AND LOVE MUSIC... for me it's both A &B. Anyhow, I'd been trying to get this song for a minute.. I'd thought I was going to have to go and buy the whole CD, but as it turns out, my great, good buddy, who knows me Oh! so well sent it to me!!! (I love u SOO much for that sir!!) What I'm getting @ is when I was 12 or so.. I used to play this song over and over... singing it.. living it and feeling it.. I was 12 then.. I'm 29 now.. not much has changed.. I think there's my problem.. :/


Here's the lyrics...
P.S. I'm so enjoying these days off Even if I'm alone which is BY CHOICE.





"Lonely"

Feeling so alone and deserted
With people standing all around you
Should I trust someone
Should I stay off to myself
Alone with no one to talk to
It's such a helpless feeling

So anytime you feel the need
Call me when you're lonely
Cause everybody needs a friend
To be there when they're lonely

So don't isolate yourself
Every time that I come around
A person all alone
Is an unhappy one
We need somebody near to love us
Someone who cares
Living life all by yourselves
Impossible to do and I'll be there for you
Anytime you feel the need
Call me when you're lonely
Cause everybody needs a friend
And I'll be yours if you're lonely
(And if you're all alone)
If you're all alone
And a friend you need
Like a river flows
You hurt, I'll bleed
If you can trust in me
We can find a way
Take away the pain
Time heals all things
Even a lonely state of mind
Cause happiness is oh so hard to find
If you're lonely I will be there

So anytime you feel the need
Call me when you're lonely
Cause everybody needs a friend
To be there when they're lonely


and this is how I feel EVERDAY.((SIGH))) No more cutting I promise...