The Walk. . .

I started my walking again last night. I've lost about 7 lbs but I am far from happy with the reflection in the mirror. I think I am gross. LOL I used to walk about 2 miles every night and I was really on track until my nephew died, then I just stopped being consistent. Lately I've been walking sporadically..here and there... So I made a pact with myself last nite that I would start again and work towards my goal of at least a 40 lbs weight loss. I am striving for that. So I journeyed to my favorite trail...the one where "we" used to walk. Immediately I noticed all of the couples. Walking, running and laughing. I felt so sick inside. I am NOT supposed to miss him... I keep telling myself I am better off without him..the yelling and the fighting were weighing down my soul. Everything is quiet now...too damn quiet!! So I walked. Alone. I missed him for the first time since we officially broke up.. I missed his silly jokes about me and his voice.. I missed my hand lost in his ... I missed my man. The good man that I once knew underneath all of the hurt and yelling..pain and disappointment. I walked alone for an hour last nite... watching the couples. I didn't even once pick up my cell to make a call. I just listened to the sounds around me & pretended that he was there with me.. protecting me... like he used to. I never loved him more than what I did last nite. It's sad really...because with a little hard work and compromise from us both ( maybe some counseling,too) we could have made it. He doesn't even know that I could be carrying his baby. Why should I bother him... it's over, right? Anyway, he is where he needs to be. Without me. I love u, Aaron,