Omg today is Sunday and I feel like shit. Not only have I been to 2 seperate parties this weekend, I had to endure Joe's presence thru-out one of them....Ohhh that was hard. I wanted to hug him and laugh with him... and all I could do was cry. I couldn't even get on my phone for too long because the dumb thing died..(Sorry Teej) ...I called Aaron hoping for some type of reassurance,but that only irritated me even more. So I drank & drank ...until my emotions were literally on my sleeve. I tried so hard to stay out of his way. Making him aware that I am in no way trying to rain on his parade as he would like people to believe. I did a good job, but I didn't have fun at all. Friday was real cool. I was able to dance & have a blast with all of my friends. I don't know what it is about Mr.Wiley, but whenever he is near I feel like I can't breathe... I didn't think it would be so hard...but it was!!! I guess I just miss my friend...shit I miss everything about him. He was looking very nice too.
SO, Joe I hope u appreciated my staying out of your way... I miss our friendship & I love you very much.
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Back to work tomorrrow....blah blah blah.
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A couple of days last week Aaron & I had some very deep conversations.
I was contemplating the long distance thing, but after some thought I've come to realize that it is just over with us. There is absolutely no way I trust him there or believe that he hasn't either A. Hooked up with Brandy ( the infamous ex) or B. Fucked someone new. He says he is not looking for a relationship or sex, but I KNOW AARON. He can hardly go days without sex or other means of gratification. Why would I believe that he is now??? Plus we have the trust factor.... He's cheated almost everytime he's been in LA. So, that ex's that out. I am very proud of him though. He's working and doing something he likes. I'm sure he will meet someone that can appreciate all of his good qualities. Or he will just end up with that bitch Brandy. ( Yea I'm jealous & bitter) LMAO
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I learned something this weekend. I am actually beautiful ....
* * No I didn't realize it before* *
Sure, I know I have a pretty face, but I spend a lot of my time downing myself b/c I am a little overweight.... I never gave myself a chance to be beautiful just because... I've stereo-typed myself...lol I've been living in this box of what is supposed to be beautiful and I Was soo wrong. When I was out this weekend my personality exuded confidence... so many men were coming up to me complimenting how beautiful I was
*** Not cute***lol j/k....
It made me think of Aaron... he used to say I was beautiful, but I never believed him.. I do now. So, I think I will try the dating game ... I truly don't want to, but I feel I have to...it's the only way that I will know where my heart lies....
Have a good one.....
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4 comments:
Joe huh....he must be some guy. I sometimes read ur shit and wonder do u miss him because u cant have him or miss him because overall he was one of the greatest guys that u hav ever known. Always there for u and not being judgemental. I have been reading ur poems off and on quite often and like this poem his name comes up sometimes...boy if we could turn back the hands of time...From: Poetic Justice
Im sure he still cares about u a little bit u made him that way now he is afraid and stubborn....But know in his heart theres something for u...give him space and respect around him and especially around others and u can only expect better
I miss him because he was the ONLY person in this entire world that GOT me and still loved me. I miss u Joe. And not because I can't have u. I've already had u in so many ways I was just too blind and selfish to see.
Reese
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