Suck it up!....

Ok I didn' t get to bed until almost Midnight...and here I am right back at work...Shit I'm tired. I Can barely keep my eyes open. I moved my desk last night, so now I am on the right side of Nakia and he is getting on my fucking nerves... lol I know he is reading this is as I type and I guess I deserve it because I did the same thing to him when I sat on his left side.., Oh well! Last night was quite emotional for me. After work I did my usual routine... straight to Willie's/Nakia. During American Idol the subject of Joe came up... Maybe I'm selfish in thinking that everyone can understand how I feel about him. Most people think I am truly crazy when it comes to him, but at this point I don't give a fuck! Opinions are just that...opinions! They have absolutlely no bearing on me or my situation. I understand that people in my life get tired of hearing about JOE..shit I'm tired of hearing about Joe! But, understand that IF I COULD STOP LOVING HIM I WOULD.......... IF I COULD WALK AWAY I WOULD. I just can't. Deep down inside I believe that he is a real person whom will one day come around and realize that I was a true friend... Until then...Deal with it! ! !
Next emotionally draining moment.... Aaron. He calls me yesterday while I was at work and wants to know why I didn't return a movie that he rented for me over a month ago. Well, I forgot. With work... my son... my bills and WORK... I haven't much time for any other pertinent thoughts. True enough he did ask me a few times to return it, but I honestly forgot. What's the big deal??? He felt the need to go on a rampage .. yelling and screaming and calling me out of my name... What's new? What ticks me off the most is he will send me these weird messages later on in the day like nothing happen... like he didn't just call me a bitch AND tell me to get out of his life and never contact him again. WTF???? Last night I'm on my way home and he sends me this pathetic message about what he doesn't have and how he feels.. Ok, so why does he continually treat me like shit? (Tell me that, Aaron!!!!) It's ok to be upset with me because I forgot to do what he asked, but it's not ok for him to call me names and terrorize my soul on a day to day basis because he's not happy in his current situation. Why can't this man understand that he is fully responsible for my distance and coldness. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but how much can one person take?? I've conceded .... I've accepted defeat.. but it seems as though he is hell bent on making whatever little happiness I have non- existant. I don't have the will to fight anymore and I stopped caring about the other women. I just don't care. I don't want to be with anyone. I don't want to love anyone. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I hate that I can't stop loving him , but I'm tryin.
be back later