When It's over... It's over.

You know that feeling you get when you first break up with your girl/boyfriend? That sick... lonely... I can't do this shit type of feeling. The first few days are spent either in your bed asleep or doing some type of odd chore around your house to keep your mind off of your now ex-significant other. After about a week, the loneliness drifts away and you begin to slowly move forward into your normal routine. If you have lots of friends, they will definitely do weird, unimaginable things ( like try and set u up lol lol ) to take your mind off of the numbing existence that you now feel since the "break up".
For the last month or so, that is what I've been going thru. There have been good days and some bad days. The good days being when I wake up and not think about all of the dreams I'd had for "us" and the bad days being when I feel like no one will ever want me again. I am getting older...well, we're ALL getting older whether we want to or not and finally in my old age(lmao) I think I've come to a crossroad in my life. That fork in the road that forces me to choose which direction my life will proceed. I am mentioning all of this because for the past week or so Aaron and I have been considering reconciliation. It was nice to hear all of the promises and the compromises that we said we would do. But as each conversation progressed I realized that he will never change. His blantant disrespect at the drop of a dime towards me is horrific. I can't take it. No matter how deep my love was or is for him, I can never trust him to be my companion in life. Too much has happened...Too much has been said. Whenever someone can so easily threaten to take your life because you choose a different path... he is not hurt or in love...he's crazy. I don't want to fight or argue anymore. I don't want to spend my time wondering if he is cheating on me or going to bring home some kind of disease. Most of all, I don't want to be unhappy. Sometimes the hardest decisions we make in life are the keys to our own happiness and success in the future. When it's over it's over. For me..It's the begining to my own happiness.



p.s. today I am off ...what should I do? any suggestions??