Time alone

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life


It's been almost 2 weeks since I've been stuck in this house on bed rest. I never knew that being in the bed could make you feel even MORE tired. UGH! I think my emotions are on a definite rollercoaster right now. One minute I am good, the next minute I am upset. I am constantly worried that I will miscarry any moment... but I have to give my undivided faith to GOD.. because ultimately the decision is left up to him/her.. (smile) So far, so good.. baby is holding on strong.. they have changed my due date to May 13... wow.. if this is my girl and I so desperately BELIEVE it is... it will be like me being born all over again. I will get to do with her what no one did with me.. I will teach her how to love and respect herself.. how to be strong.. I will tell her EVERYDAY that she is beautiful and worthy... I will love her... she will be my hope for life renewed. I am so excited and terrified at the same time... All I can do is pray. I seen the heartbeat last Thursday and the baby inside of the gestational sac... I was AMAZED and I just cried. I am learning first hand how precious and intricate LIFE is from begining to end. I guess as a young girl being pregnant was really nothing important to me... I didn't get a chance to experience every single detail and joy of being pregnant.. My life was upside down then.. but NOW, with all this time alone ... I marvel at this miracle inside of my body... I remember when I had MarQuin.. I was more afraid than excited. He was mine and I had to make sure he was OK... I used to hold him and kiss him.. tell him I loved him more than the whole wide world (something he would soon repeat to me as he grew older), but I never really enjoyed his early childhood... we were, in a sense growing up together... I love him more than anything, but I sure hope this time around I can do just a little better job....





peace