Current mood: indifferent
Category: Life
In my lifetime I've seen many places, met many people.. good, bad and indifferent it's affected the person I am today. I'm fortunate in a way that I am capable of recognizing my mistakes and turning them into positive outcomes. It's why I am who I am today. Something that truly bothers me to this day is the way black women fight against one another. Now, please understand this is in no way a blog attacking men, but let's face it, men aren't the MOST honest creatures God created. How many of us have fallen in love with Mr. Right now... Ya'll know who I'm talking about.. Charming, Handsome, seemingly successful, great in bed, smooth talker? Yea, him! He's probably your man right now. In the begining, everything is great. You feel almost euphoric at his slightest touch... then one night while laying in bed next to him, his phone rings. You glance down and see a text message that reads: Hey baby, last night was amazing. I miss you daddy, when are you cumming home? Love, Keisha... Your heart is crushed. What should you do? Confront him? Ignore it? Then you remember you worked late the night before and he didn't answer when you called. The emotions rush from hurt to rage in a matter of minutes and right there at 2 am you're in your first fight with Mr. Right now. *Sigh* But he was different...
I know this story all too well because I lived it for 5 years. I loved a man who was incapable of loving me. He made me feel as if everything were my fault. Woman after woman, he cheated, using the internet as his vessel to lure in unsuspecting EASY women... even I, myself, met him on a popular web-site. I was reluctant to meet him and didn't for almost 3 months. I'd never dated anyone from the internet before, but HE was beautiful and SMART. A year into our relationship I found the emails and the im's.. the porn, the text messages. I was devastated... forced into a dark realm of second guessing the woman I was.. my self esteem diminished and I felt I needed him... I began concocting my own stories to keep him near. I couldn't lose him to one of these internet floosies... what was wrong with me? Our fights became more and more violent. He'd become physical, almost killing me once. I still held on... when I look back now, I see a lost, unhappy woman... I moved back to California.. still holding on. I took fertility meds to have his babies only to lose them due to more infidelities. I was going insane. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, I finally left. What had I done so wrong. I was the bad guy.. to his family and stupid in the eyes of my own.
A month away from HIM I became lonely. I found myself wanting him back. We tried for awhile, but the same issues would always occur. I was still victimizing myself. When I began dating again I almost felt guilty. Every now and then we'd come together for sex.. that was it. Then something happened to me... I'd started to become empowered by this great strength.. I'd joined the gym and lost some weight. I felt good and looked better than ever! People noticed.. I was happy. ... I still needed closure. I sought it and was rejected. I felt empty. I FEEL empty.
I'd found out he was seeing one his chicks he'd cheated with in the past. It hurt and I lashed out! I was wrong, I know now, but it was purely emotion based. It wasn't about her, but now it's become about her. She believes what he tells her not knowing or fully understanding the depth of his character. Understanding that this is NOT my place to make a believer out of her... I still feel the need to defend my own character. I can't understand WHY women feel the need to fight against one another? What makes her so much different from me? Nothing. A man that is abusive will ALWAYS be abusive.. a cheater is ALWAYS a cheater and a LIAR is always a liar. Attacking my character or making comments that are unsubstantiated makes you look more childish than I ever could. Why would he reveal the truth to you? I honestly feel one day as black women we NEED to come together and support each other. We have daughters to raise ... the lack of self respect, self esteem has lowered our value greatly in this society. I know there are good black men out there. I know SEVERAL ( and I love ya'll) but when we come across the few that don't respect us as women and play vicious games with our hearts.. let's not fight each other.. How Simple minded is that? Are we women or girls?
Simply put.. Reese
Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that, if a person is one "step" away from each person he or she knows and two "steps" away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth. Several studies, such as Milgram's small world experiment, have been conducted to empirically measure this connectedness. While the exact number of links between people differs depending on the population measured, it is generally found to be relatively small. Hence, six degrees of separation is somewhat synonymous with the idea of the "small world" phenomenon. Detractors argue that Milgram's experiment did not demonstrate such a link,[1] and the "six degrees" claim has been decried as an "academic urban myth".[2]
November 13, 2007
The 21 Things that irritated, intrigued or pissed me off this week list!
1. So he tells me that I am harrassing him.. right? Wrong!
2.Since when did hello become harrassment?
3.I guess when my nipples get hard enough to see thru a thick ass sweater that's an indication that it's cold...
4.If he's number one in your life, I'd hate to see EXACTLY what number you are in his... (negative) - he don't give a fuck! (ok that's not nice cherise, but the truth hurts)
5.I've come to terms that I am just plain weird and strange.. I view the world from my own sick, little abstract mind.
6."the arguements are getting loud, I wanna stay, but I can't help from walking out just a little way.. just take my hand and understand, if you can see.. I NEVER planned to be ya man, it just wasn't me"... Do for love 2Pac
7.and that song really about sums it up
8.he said he was "sorry".. he didn't mean it...
9.but in my heart, I wanted to smother him lifeless
10.I've learned there is NO justice in JUSTICE system
11.The D.A. Says the case is 8 yrs old and he doesn't care about my impending pregnancy or risk of miscarriage... let's move on as his witness's memories are becoming weaker... (who prosecutes an 8 yr old petty theft case with barely no evidence?)
12. I'm thinking.. Uhh Duh u stupid mothafucca.. U ain't got shit.. but, the judge sides with me and my growing belly... ahhh the sweet smell of injustice. Fuckers!
13. With all these cold case murder shows you'd think they have better things to do with our tax money... *sigh*
14.Why the fuck is Christina Aguiliara's pregnancy top news on Yahoo? Who gives a flying fuck!
15. Ok so Mike Vick failed the weed test.. well, shit.. wtf they think his ass is doing on house arrest? Playing PS2 as himself?
16. Check out this website black people.. informative, scary and funny all at once http://blacknewsweekly.com/
17. This crusty ass, poltergiest looking mofo right here said this:
Dr. James Watson, to the right is a very smart man, but was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because as he says "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing (Standardized) says not really."
18. Denzel killed them this weekend at the box office, unfortunately(BIG SMILE) I was at the Tyrese, Ginuwine, Tank, 112 and Avant concert.. for ANYONE that missed it.. YOU missed it.. cuz they put it down ..... although I am a little bias when it comes to Tyrese.. Something about his beautiful dark skin and perfect white teeth.. oh and the body ain't bad either..that drives me crazy..... And P.S. Al B Was looking REAL GOOD.. Foe a light skin brotha (hahaha) They making a come back!
19. Wtf is wrong with all of these damned rappers? Foxy Brown getting more time while she's in jail.. WTF? She ain't riding on the prison bus to go to court???.. Girl please... still fighting in Rikers Island.. You see, Lil Kim was smart.. she went in and made some friends.. Now, T.I. ( I have no words for him) And recently Da Brat was arrested for getting into a fight with a waitress... *sigh*
20. "Man stop cussing, my moms is right there!" (MarQuin's desperate attempt to save his foul mouthed friend!
21. I felt my baby move for the first time last week... How amazing...
And I am out for now..........
1. So he tells me that I am harrassing him.. right? Wrong!
2.Since when did hello become harrassment?
3.I guess when my nipples get hard enough to see thru a thick ass sweater that's an indication that it's cold...
4.If he's number one in your life, I'd hate to see EXACTLY what number you are in his... (negative) - he don't give a fuck! (ok that's not nice cherise, but the truth hurts)
5.I've come to terms that I am just plain weird and strange.. I view the world from my own sick, little abstract mind.
6."the arguements are getting loud, I wanna stay, but I can't help from walking out just a little way.. just take my hand and understand, if you can see.. I NEVER planned to be ya man, it just wasn't me"... Do for love 2Pac
7.and that song really about sums it up
8.he said he was "sorry".. he didn't mean it...
9.but in my heart, I wanted to smother him lifeless
10.I've learned there is NO justice in JUSTICE system
11.The D.A. Says the case is 8 yrs old and he doesn't care about my impending pregnancy or risk of miscarriage... let's move on as his witness's memories are becoming weaker... (who prosecutes an 8 yr old petty theft case with barely no evidence?)
12. I'm thinking.. Uhh Duh u stupid mothafucca.. U ain't got shit.. but, the judge sides with me and my growing belly... ahhh the sweet smell of injustice. Fuckers!
13. With all these cold case murder shows you'd think they have better things to do with our tax money... *sigh*
14.Why the fuck is Christina Aguiliara's pregnancy top news on Yahoo? Who gives a flying fuck!
15. Ok so Mike Vick failed the weed test.. well, shit.. wtf they think his ass is doing on house arrest? Playing PS2 as himself?
16. Check out this website black people.. informative, scary and funny all at once http://blacknewsweekly.com/
17. This crusty ass, poltergiest looking mofo right here said this:
Dr. James Watson, to the right is a very smart man, but was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because as he says "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing (Standardized) says not really."
18. Denzel killed them this weekend at the box office, unfortunately(BIG SMILE) I was at the Tyrese, Ginuwine, Tank, 112 and Avant concert.. for ANYONE that missed it.. YOU missed it.. cuz they put it down ..... although I am a little bias when it comes to Tyrese.. Something about his beautiful dark skin and perfect white teeth.. oh and the body ain't bad either..that drives me crazy..... And P.S. Al B Was looking REAL GOOD.. Foe a light skin brotha (hahaha) They making a come back!
19. Wtf is wrong with all of these damned rappers? Foxy Brown getting more time while she's in jail.. WTF? She ain't riding on the prison bus to go to court???.. Girl please... still fighting in Rikers Island.. You see, Lil Kim was smart.. she went in and made some friends.. Now, T.I. ( I have no words for him) And recently Da Brat was arrested for getting into a fight with a waitress... *sigh*
20. "Man stop cussing, my moms is right there!" (MarQuin's desperate attempt to save his foul mouthed friend!
21. I felt my baby move for the first time last week... How amazing...
And I am out for now..........
The 21 Things that irritated, intrigued or pissed me off this week list!
1. So he tells me that I am harrassing him.. right? Wrong!
2.Since when did hello become harrassment?
3.I guess when my nipples get hard enough to see thru a thick ass sweater that's an indication that it's cold...
4.If he's number one in your life, I'd hate to see EXACTLY what number you are in his... (negative) - he don't give a fuck! (ok that's not nice cherise, but the truth hurts)
5.I've come to terms that I am just plain weird and strange.. I view the world from my own sick, little abstract mind.
6."the arguements are getting loud, I wanna stay, but I can't help from walking out just a little way.. just take my hand and understand, if you can see.. I NEVER planned to be ya man, it just wasn't me"... Do for love 2Pac
7.and that song really about sums it up
8.he said he was "sorry".. he didn't mean it...
9.but in my heart, I wanted to smother him lifeless
10.I've learned there is NO justice in JUSTICE system
11.The D.A. Says the case is 8 yrs old and he doesn't care about my impending pregnancy or risk of miscarriage... let's move on as his witness's memories are becoming weaker... (who prosecutes an 8 yr old petty theft case with barely no evidence?)
12. I'm thinking.. Uhh Duh u stupid mothafucca.. U ain't got shit.. but, the judge sides with me and my growing belly... ahhh the sweet smell of injustice. Fuckers!
13. With all these cold case murder shows you'd think they have better things to do with our tax money... *sigh*
14.Why the fuck is Christina Aguiliara's pregnancy top news on Yahoo? Who gives a flying fuck!
15. Ok so Mike Vick failed the weed test.. well, shit.. wtf they think his ass is doing on house arrest? Playing PS2 as himself?
16. Check out this website black people.. informative, scary and funny all at once http://blacknewsweekly.com/
17. This crusty ass, poltergiest looking mofo right here said this:
Dr. James Watson, to the right is a very smart man, but was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because as he says "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing (Standardized) says not really."
18. Denzel killed them this weekend at the box office, unfortunately(BIG SMILE) I was at the Tyrese, Ginuwine, Tank, 112 and Avant concert.. for ANYONE that missed it.. YOU missed it.. cuz they put it down ..... although I am a little bias when it comes to Tyrese.. Something about his beautiful dark skin and perfect white teeth.. oh and the body ain't bad either..that drives me crazy..... And P.S. Al B Was looking REAL GOOD.. Foe a light skin brotha (hahaha) They making a come back!
19. Wtf is wrong with all of these damned rappers? Foxy Brown getting more time while she's in jail.. WTF? She ain't riding on the prison bus to go to court???.. Girl please... still fighting in Rikers Island.. You see, Lil Kim was smart.. she went in and made some friends.. Now, T.I. ( I have no words for him) And recently Da Brat was arrested for getting into a fight with a waitress... *sigh*
20. "Man stop cussing, my moms is right there!" (MarQuin's desperate attempt to save his foul mouthed friend!
21. I felt my baby move for the first time last week... How amazing...
And I am out for now..........
1. So he tells me that I am harrassing him.. right? Wrong!
2.Since when did hello become harrassment?
3.I guess when my nipples get hard enough to see thru a thick ass sweater that's an indication that it's cold...
4.If he's number one in your life, I'd hate to see EXACTLY what number you are in his... (negative) - he don't give a fuck! (ok that's not nice cherise, but the truth hurts)
5.I've come to terms that I am just plain weird and strange.. I view the world from my own sick, little abstract mind.
6."the arguements are getting loud, I wanna stay, but I can't help from walking out just a little way.. just take my hand and understand, if you can see.. I NEVER planned to be ya man, it just wasn't me"... Do for love 2Pac
7.and that song really about sums it up
8.he said he was "sorry".. he didn't mean it...
9.but in my heart, I wanted to smother him lifeless
10.I've learned there is NO justice in JUSTICE system
11.The D.A. Says the case is 8 yrs old and he doesn't care about my impending pregnancy or risk of miscarriage... let's move on as his witness's memories are becoming weaker... (who prosecutes an 8 yr old petty theft case with barely no evidence?)
12. I'm thinking.. Uhh Duh u stupid mothafucca.. U ain't got shit.. but, the judge sides with me and my growing belly... ahhh the sweet smell of injustice. Fuckers!
13. With all these cold case murder shows you'd think they have better things to do with our tax money... *sigh*
14.Why the fuck is Christina Aguiliara's pregnancy top news on Yahoo? Who gives a flying fuck!
15. Ok so Mike Vick failed the weed test.. well, shit.. wtf they think his ass is doing on house arrest? Playing PS2 as himself?
16. Check out this website black people.. informative, scary and funny all at once http://blacknewsweekly.com/
17. This crusty ass, poltergiest looking mofo right here said this:
Dr. James Watson, to the right is a very smart man, but was "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because as he says "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing (Standardized) says not really."
18. Denzel killed them this weekend at the box office, unfortunately(BIG SMILE) I was at the Tyrese, Ginuwine, Tank, 112 and Avant concert.. for ANYONE that missed it.. YOU missed it.. cuz they put it down ..... although I am a little bias when it comes to Tyrese.. Something about his beautiful dark skin and perfect white teeth.. oh and the body ain't bad either..that drives me crazy..... And P.S. Al B Was looking REAL GOOD.. Foe a light skin brotha (hahaha) They making a come back!
19. Wtf is wrong with all of these damned rappers? Foxy Brown getting more time while she's in jail.. WTF? She ain't riding on the prison bus to go to court???.. Girl please... still fighting in Rikers Island.. You see, Lil Kim was smart.. she went in and made some friends.. Now, T.I. ( I have no words for him) And recently Da Brat was arrested for getting into a fight with a waitress... *sigh*
20. "Man stop cussing, my moms is right there!" (MarQuin's desperate attempt to save his foul mouthed friend!
21. I felt my baby move for the first time last week... How amazing...
And I am out for now..........
EXcerpts from Love
Current mood: busy
Category: Writing and Poetry
Hey A.... it's C
and
Before
I get too deep into this metaphor,
close the door ..relax and sit back
while I take you on a brief journey...
reminiscing bout u and me....
See,
I was up early with thoughts of our
Saturday morning showers n the dark...
which led to walks in the park...
followed by hand holdin'...
mind blowin'...
sexually explicit fantasies
acted out
continously
over and over...
UNTIL
Well,
we'd fight.
Love's spell lifted...
and as everyone predicted,
we'd travelled down that path ...
which led to our own wrath,
unbeknownst to our previous love makin'...
confused and dazed...
yellin' for days.
I'm amazed...
Now,
looking back in retrospect,
I'm finally able to dissect
the epitome
of our
STUPIDITY...
I've realized we were soulmates,
unaware of how to
contemplate
just why we were so great
as one.
Instead, we plotted our own
demise crushing our imperfect,
yet, meant to be,
Union.
I don't know what this is.. it came to me while I was sleeping on two different days. Thank god for Treo's (hey they're worth something) I was able to jot down my thoughts as I laid in the dark. This is how most of my poetry comes now.. in my deepest sleep.. or when I am in between sleep and waking. Maybe that means my baby will be as creative as I can be.. or am? I have a lot of emotions going on right now. Hope anyone who reads this enjoys it.
Thanks, Reese
(Peace)
Dedicated to: the one that lived in heaven and hell... with me.
Category: Writing and Poetry
Hey A.... it's C
and
Before
I get too deep into this metaphor,
close the door ..relax and sit back
while I take you on a brief journey...
reminiscing bout u and me....
See,
I was up early with thoughts of our
Saturday morning showers n the dark...
which led to walks in the park...
followed by hand holdin'...
mind blowin'...
sexually explicit fantasies
acted out
continously
over and over...
UNTIL
Well,
we'd fight.
Love's spell lifted...
and as everyone predicted,
we'd travelled down that path ...
which led to our own wrath,
unbeknownst to our previous love makin'...
confused and dazed...
yellin' for days.
I'm amazed...
Now,
looking back in retrospect,
I'm finally able to dissect
the epitome
of our
STUPIDITY...
I've realized we were soulmates,
unaware of how to
contemplate
just why we were so great
as one.
Instead, we plotted our own
demise crushing our imperfect,
yet, meant to be,
Union.
I don't know what this is.. it came to me while I was sleeping on two different days. Thank god for Treo's (hey they're worth something) I was able to jot down my thoughts as I laid in the dark. This is how most of my poetry comes now.. in my deepest sleep.. or when I am in between sleep and waking. Maybe that means my baby will be as creative as I can be.. or am? I have a lot of emotions going on right now. Hope anyone who reads this enjoys it.
Thanks, Reese
(Peace)
Dedicated to: the one that lived in heaven and hell... with me.
A liar’s symphony
Current mood: confused
Category: Writing and Poetry
Yesterday I lost my ENTIRE blog.. I was pretty perturbed.. so I started writing this and it's not finished.. The inspiration behind it.. well, too painful to bear.
In comparison to the truth you are
the darkest shadow hidden beneath a lonely alley..
even as light sheds upon u..
your darkness continues to spread
capturing unsuspecting souls
now trapped in your web of deceipt.... to be continued.
Category: Writing and Poetry
Yesterday I lost my ENTIRE blog.. I was pretty perturbed.. so I started writing this and it's not finished.. The inspiration behind it.. well, too painful to bear.
In comparison to the truth you are
the darkest shadow hidden beneath a lonely alley..
even as light sheds upon u..
your darkness continues to spread
capturing unsuspecting souls
now trapped in your web of deceipt.... to be continued.
Time alone
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
It's been almost 2 weeks since I've been stuck in this house on bed rest. I never knew that being in the bed could make you feel even MORE tired. UGH! I think my emotions are on a definite rollercoaster right now. One minute I am good, the next minute I am upset. I am constantly worried that I will miscarry any moment... but I have to give my undivided faith to GOD.. because ultimately the decision is left up to him/her.. (smile) So far, so good.. baby is holding on strong.. they have changed my due date to May 13... wow.. if this is my girl and I so desperately BELIEVE it is... it will be like me being born all over again. I will get to do with her what no one did with me.. I will teach her how to love and respect herself.. how to be strong.. I will tell her EVERYDAY that she is beautiful and worthy... I will love her... she will be my hope for life renewed. I am so excited and terrified at the same time... All I can do is pray. I seen the heartbeat last Thursday and the baby inside of the gestational sac... I was AMAZED and I just cried. I am learning first hand how precious and intricate LIFE is from begining to end. I guess as a young girl being pregnant was really nothing important to me... I didn't get a chance to experience every single detail and joy of being pregnant.. My life was upside down then.. but NOW, with all this time alone ... I marvel at this miracle inside of my body... I remember when I had MarQuin.. I was more afraid than excited. He was mine and I had to make sure he was OK... I used to hold him and kiss him.. tell him I loved him more than the whole wide world (something he would soon repeat to me as he grew older), but I never really enjoyed his early childhood... we were, in a sense growing up together... I love him more than anything, but I sure hope this time around I can do just a little better job....
peace
Category: Life
It's been almost 2 weeks since I've been stuck in this house on bed rest. I never knew that being in the bed could make you feel even MORE tired. UGH! I think my emotions are on a definite rollercoaster right now. One minute I am good, the next minute I am upset. I am constantly worried that I will miscarry any moment... but I have to give my undivided faith to GOD.. because ultimately the decision is left up to him/her.. (smile) So far, so good.. baby is holding on strong.. they have changed my due date to May 13... wow.. if this is my girl and I so desperately BELIEVE it is... it will be like me being born all over again. I will get to do with her what no one did with me.. I will teach her how to love and respect herself.. how to be strong.. I will tell her EVERYDAY that she is beautiful and worthy... I will love her... she will be my hope for life renewed. I am so excited and terrified at the same time... All I can do is pray. I seen the heartbeat last Thursday and the baby inside of the gestational sac... I was AMAZED and I just cried. I am learning first hand how precious and intricate LIFE is from begining to end. I guess as a young girl being pregnant was really nothing important to me... I didn't get a chance to experience every single detail and joy of being pregnant.. My life was upside down then.. but NOW, with all this time alone ... I marvel at this miracle inside of my body... I remember when I had MarQuin.. I was more afraid than excited. He was mine and I had to make sure he was OK... I used to hold him and kiss him.. tell him I loved him more than the whole wide world (something he would soon repeat to me as he grew older), but I never really enjoyed his early childhood... we were, in a sense growing up together... I love him more than anything, but I sure hope this time around I can do just a little better job....
peace
The joy of my soul...My pregnancy
Current mood: lonely
Category: Life
This pregnancy is starting off rather rough. I have been in the ER 4 times in the last week due to light spotting and some cramping (which has subsided). I have to be monitored closely as I have a condition called a subchorionic bleed. This means there is a small hematoma in between the fetus and the gestational sac. It is the cause of my spotting. The concern at this point is the hematoma bursting. It can harm the fetus and cause miscarriage.
On Saturday I got the first glimpse of the miracle growing inside of my body. I also seen the heartbeat. So far, Marcel and I aren't really on good terms for reasons beyond this pregnancy. With his job, it makes it difficult for him to be there for me. My only gripe is when he is here.. be here!
Other than that... I am hopeful... Aaron and I tried for many years to have a baby and were unsuccessful. Seems as though this baby is holding for dear life... I am resting and drinking a lot of water... I miss the gym though... I hope everyone will keep me and the baby in their prayers... PLEASE! I am 6 weeks today... and as for big brother to be... I think he is a little concerned.. when I told him I was pregnant he replied, "You're having another kid, that's gonna take away from my money... " ( Yea, that's my son)! I've decided if this pregnancy doesn't thrive I'm NOT gonna try (not like I tried this time... total shock!) anymore. I have my Quin and he is the love of my life... but this baby sure is becoming the joy of my soul.... I will keep everyone updated on my status.. Thanks for all the congrats...
Love, Reese....
P.S. if I get passed this rough spot... I am HOPING for a girl.. Name has already been chosen... Mariah Jolie Fredrick... I have no boy names so far... Marcel and I just can't seem to agree on them! LOL
Category: Life
This pregnancy is starting off rather rough. I have been in the ER 4 times in the last week due to light spotting and some cramping (which has subsided). I have to be monitored closely as I have a condition called a subchorionic bleed. This means there is a small hematoma in between the fetus and the gestational sac. It is the cause of my spotting. The concern at this point is the hematoma bursting. It can harm the fetus and cause miscarriage.
On Saturday I got the first glimpse of the miracle growing inside of my body. I also seen the heartbeat. So far, Marcel and I aren't really on good terms for reasons beyond this pregnancy. With his job, it makes it difficult for him to be there for me. My only gripe is when he is here.. be here!
Other than that... I am hopeful... Aaron and I tried for many years to have a baby and were unsuccessful. Seems as though this baby is holding for dear life... I am resting and drinking a lot of water... I miss the gym though... I hope everyone will keep me and the baby in their prayers... PLEASE! I am 6 weeks today... and as for big brother to be... I think he is a little concerned.. when I told him I was pregnant he replied, "You're having another kid, that's gonna take away from my money... " ( Yea, that's my son)! I've decided if this pregnancy doesn't thrive I'm NOT gonna try (not like I tried this time... total shock!) anymore. I have my Quin and he is the love of my life... but this baby sure is becoming the joy of my soul.... I will keep everyone updated on my status.. Thanks for all the congrats...
Love, Reese....
P.S. if I get passed this rough spot... I am HOPING for a girl.. Name has already been chosen... Mariah Jolie Fredrick... I have no boy names so far... Marcel and I just can't seem to agree on them! LOL
Main Chick Blues.. a poem for you
Current mood: amused
Category: Writing and Poetry
Main Chick Blues...
Written by Cherise J. Thomas
I used to be envious of you and them too.. with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... I contemplated flat stomachs and surguries to get a look that he would be pleased with as so he would not need you or them ..again with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees...
Nothing changed.
I ran for days until my weight was down as it was in my younger stage...Nothing changed. SO I ran away. I hoped he'd see ME, Cherise the way he did you and them with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... Nothing changed.
Time moved on and he'd call from time to time.. we'd get together and make love acting as if I were his and he were mine.. then he'd walk away and I'd feel the same.. the same as I did when we were one or I was pregnant with his kids. Nothing changed. Until one day I realized I'd become just like you and them with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... I was his skeeze whenever he needed a piece of quick ass without any questions asked. Nothing Changed.
Now I understand how lonely that life can be.. and I should ONLY want to be Cherise, never envious of you and them with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... see, I am a natural beauty with a real smile and style... full of life and love deserving much more than some superficial, empty man's promise of love. I have much more to give than what's between my thighs and I've learned to never ever again put my heart and soul into a guy.. who couldn't care less or see what a real woman is about...Cuz he's too busy trying to solidify clout with you and them and your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees...Everything's changed.
( Just a little something I was playing with in my head..so I brought it to life)
P.S. It ain't where he's at, it's where he wants to be.. ( Keyshia Cole)
Category: Writing and Poetry
Main Chick Blues...
Written by Cherise J. Thomas
I used to be envious of you and them too.. with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... I contemplated flat stomachs and surguries to get a look that he would be pleased with as so he would not need you or them ..again with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees...
Nothing changed.
I ran for days until my weight was down as it was in my younger stage...Nothing changed. SO I ran away. I hoped he'd see ME, Cherise the way he did you and them with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... Nothing changed.
Time moved on and he'd call from time to time.. we'd get together and make love acting as if I were his and he were mine.. then he'd walk away and I'd feel the same.. the same as I did when we were one or I was pregnant with his kids. Nothing changed. Until one day I realized I'd become just like you and them with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... I was his skeeze whenever he needed a piece of quick ass without any questions asked. Nothing Changed.
Now I understand how lonely that life can be.. and I should ONLY want to be Cherise, never envious of you and them with your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees... see, I am a natural beauty with a real smile and style... full of life and love deserving much more than some superficial, empty man's promise of love. I have much more to give than what's between my thighs and I've learned to never ever again put my heart and soul into a guy.. who couldn't care less or see what a real woman is about...Cuz he's too busy trying to solidify clout with you and them and your plastic smiles, ass for miles... paving the way for long weaves down to your knees...Everything's changed.
( Just a little something I was playing with in my head..so I brought it to life)
P.S. It ain't where he's at, it's where he wants to be.. ( Keyshia Cole)
Me and my bright ideas
Current mood: dorky
Category: Life
I'm at home getting ready for the gym when I get this great idea! Why spend my time cooped up in the gym on such a beautiful day..right? I ask my son if he wants to go skating with me. He agrees and we suit up. First mistake, I left my water. You don't realize how truly HOT it is outside until you get out there and it seems the sun has an obssession with the top of my forehead. By the time I get to the corner, I am fully sweating (note: the corner is about uhhhh 100 steps away). I breathe a sigh of relief when I seen the hamburger stand at the corner and I immediately direct MarQuin to go get me some water. After gulping down the water in one big ass swallow we journey on. Now mind you, I have not officially skated "outside" in years. There's a big difference from skating in a rink, which is a controlled environment, to a sidewalk, where u NEVER know what u will encounter. We get half way up the road, or I do at least, MarQuin been left me at this point .. I decide to cross the street. I position myself into the cross walk at an angle that the cars can see me... I step out and WHAT! This mothafucca in a city truck almost hits me.. I'm pissed, cursing and yelling while trying to hold my balance.. this fool gets out of the car... ok, now what.. I'm yelling .. and he says " Get out of the street!" I yell back, " It's a cross walk mothafucca! I'm supposed to be in the street!". Another motorist agrees and gets out of his car to yell too. He tells the man I'm gonna report you! LOL Me and Quin skate on. Now, it feels like I finally got the hang of it right! I'm gliding along feeling the ocean breeze... we skate farther and farther until we hit some rough ass driveways... I go careening down the sidewalk full speed and hit the bump hard.. I wobble all the way across the street, up the next driveway and run right into the light pole. My son just looks on in amazement. This couldn't have been so hard back in the day. I remember climbing and jumbing.. sliding and one leg rolling.. what the hell happened to me.. Well, I will tell you what happened... My ass got old. I'm 31 and uncoordinated. I didn't have breasts back then and I sure didn't have all these hips.. it was easier to slide and glide... I was so embarrassed. My son said, " Momma, your face is red... hahaha".... yea well, it's that damned bright ass spot light from the sun.. I skate on the best I could.. avoiding potholes and trees.. I finally get back on my street and I'm relieved.. I think to myself... " The gym is the safest place for me to be....."
Category: Life
I'm at home getting ready for the gym when I get this great idea! Why spend my time cooped up in the gym on such a beautiful day..right? I ask my son if he wants to go skating with me. He agrees and we suit up. First mistake, I left my water. You don't realize how truly HOT it is outside until you get out there and it seems the sun has an obssession with the top of my forehead. By the time I get to the corner, I am fully sweating (note: the corner is about uhhhh 100 steps away). I breathe a sigh of relief when I seen the hamburger stand at the corner and I immediately direct MarQuin to go get me some water. After gulping down the water in one big ass swallow we journey on. Now mind you, I have not officially skated "outside" in years. There's a big difference from skating in a rink, which is a controlled environment, to a sidewalk, where u NEVER know what u will encounter. We get half way up the road, or I do at least, MarQuin been left me at this point .. I decide to cross the street. I position myself into the cross walk at an angle that the cars can see me... I step out and WHAT! This mothafucca in a city truck almost hits me.. I'm pissed, cursing and yelling while trying to hold my balance.. this fool gets out of the car... ok, now what.. I'm yelling .. and he says " Get out of the street!" I yell back, " It's a cross walk mothafucca! I'm supposed to be in the street!". Another motorist agrees and gets out of his car to yell too. He tells the man I'm gonna report you! LOL Me and Quin skate on. Now, it feels like I finally got the hang of it right! I'm gliding along feeling the ocean breeze... we skate farther and farther until we hit some rough ass driveways... I go careening down the sidewalk full speed and hit the bump hard.. I wobble all the way across the street, up the next driveway and run right into the light pole. My son just looks on in amazement. This couldn't have been so hard back in the day. I remember climbing and jumbing.. sliding and one leg rolling.. what the hell happened to me.. Well, I will tell you what happened... My ass got old. I'm 31 and uncoordinated. I didn't have breasts back then and I sure didn't have all these hips.. it was easier to slide and glide... I was so embarrassed. My son said, " Momma, your face is red... hahaha".... yea well, it's that damned bright ass spot light from the sun.. I skate on the best I could.. avoiding potholes and trees.. I finally get back on my street and I'm relieved.. I think to myself... " The gym is the safest place for me to be....."
10 WEIRD things about me ( as if there's only 10)
Current mood: awake
Category: Blogging
"The rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with ten(10) of your weird attributes or habits. After wh."ich, you need to choose ten(10) people you wish to tag and leave a comment for each of them that reads, 'You Are Tagged', and instruct them to read your blog to learn the rules
Gotdamn Teej started this shhh and Now Dave tagged me.. So here it goes..
Wonder woman...
1. Ok, so when I was like 8 or 9 I had some Wonder woman underoo's, (that I wore EVERYWHERE)wrist bands, headband and light switch cover... it's safe to say, I loved me some Wonder Woman... SOOO, everyday around 1 p.m. I used to have this personal arguement with myself about whether I should watch Wonder Woman or go play. This became sort of a daily battle with myself for about 2 summers... needless to say, Wonder Woman usually won!
Tweezers
2. Aaron will get a kick out of this one... Ok, so whereever I go.. whether it be to the store, driving, on a trip or to the gym.. I MUST have my BOTH sets of my tweezers. WHY? Because I am ALWAYS plucking some kind of hair off of my chin, my eyebrows or anywhere that I feel there is an unwanted hair. IF I forget my tweezers I either A. Must go home and get them or B. Find the nearest beauty supply store and get replacements ASAP! If I don't, I could freak out and tear into my face with my nails.. ( i can't believe I just revealed this) LMAO For some reason tweezing keeps me calm.. go figure
Mirrors
3. I avoid being in front of the mirror naked at all costs! Yes, many of u may find me attractive... and yes I work out a lot and YES I've lost several pounds, but for the life of me I can't stand to see myself naked in a mirror.. and those department store mirrors count too.
Peeing.... dreams and almost accidents
4. Since everyone else went there.. I will too.. I have had SEVERAL pee dreams, but mine extend beyond peeing. Let's just say my stomach ain't so great and if I gotta go, I gotta go. Case in point, I was on the road with Marcel a few weeks ago.. and we were in the middle of Louisiana.. nothing but trees for days.. I'd eaten some type of something I wasn't supposed to... and my stomach was rumbling. I was like ahhh ohhh.. the roads down south are bit rough, hell, they are A LOT rough.. and all the bumping and thumping stirred up trouble in my belly.. hahaha I politely turn to my baby, with a sour look on my face and say, " I really gotta go to the bathroom".. Well, the next bathroom ain't for like 25 miles.. that's not the business. Well, I had to get out on the side of the road... How embarrassing, right? Well, it gets even better. How about a storm broke in the middle of me doing my business... and I was DRENCHED! Soaked... All wet and in tears... I opened the door to the truck and he just looked at me and laughed. UGH!
Falling
5. When I was 17, I was in camp. I was taking a shower in one of those public locker rooms with the 5 heads on one stand. Back then my body was pretty flawless, so I just tied the lil towel around my waist and trotted out with my chi's chi's showing and my shower shoes on. Well, the floor was concrete and wet.. and guess who did the slip and slide in front of 100 other girls and staff.. YUP me.. like a yellow, naked fish... LMAO
Possible OCD
6. So, I may have a slight case of OCD (as featured on Tyra the other day). Everything has to have a place.. and I mean it! Someone once came to my house and moved my center piece on my coffee table (purposely) ! I sat all of 10 minutes and I HAD to move it back... (although u may not be able to tell by the looks of my bedroom) AND I absolutely deplore dirty carpet. Can't stand it.. it will drive me nuts!! I will move out of a place if the carpet gets dirty and I can't get it clean.
No you can't touch it!
7. Ok, So I've been working out about a year consistantly now.. but I still have several issues with my stomach. I hide it! Really I do and if you're ever lucky enough to become intimate with me.. You WILL NEVER SEE IT.. not until I am done with it's reconstruction.. haha.. Aaron used to get so mad at me about that.. and so does my currently main squeeze. ;)
Like a boy
8. I am a big time tomboy... I depise dresses and u will rarely see me sporting any kind of skirt, skort that's NOT longer than my knees. I've always had this phobia about possibly getting into a fight or accident and my underwear is exposed. It's not like they're not clean, but what if it's that time of the month or anything. I'd be devastated.. ( and I'm sure there are worse things that can happen) But my closest friends have always heard me say that I feel like I'm cross dressing when I have on a dress.. LOL Imma jeans and tight tshirt girl ;)
Sleep talking?
9. I've been told that I talk in my sleep. This hasn't been confirmed, but I will take his word for it! I mean, not just one word here or there, but actual conversations. I've even been known to tell on myself occassionally. So if I have any secrets... put me to bed and they may be revealed... ;)
Dancing with the stars...
10.When I was a child and far into my adolesence I danced.. everything was dancing at one point... When I was 8, I entered a Michael Jackson dance contest and broke 2nd place with my rendition of Billie Jean. Even though my dreams of becoming the next big Paula Abdul were crushed long ago... I still choerograph entire routines in my bedroom off of my fav songs.. Yea, I do.. and we can have a dance off any day sucka's... I still got it. LOL
Yea, I just revealed some shit only a few select people know... and there is probably more weird shit about me.. but then we'd have to create a blog for ex's or family members to reveal what they feel is weird about us.. Although, I still don't think I am as weird as Teej ( i love u baby)... Now, I'm doing the tagging bitches! LMAO
1.Juswill
2.CJ wright
3.Church
4.Cloda (of course ;) )
5.SHAY
6. ALL Of my sisters
7.Aaron
8. Mark
9.mikey
10. Drum roll Please..... My cousin Jon Jon ( that shit should be funny) LOL
Category: Blogging
"The rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with ten(10) of your weird attributes or habits. After wh."ich, you need to choose ten(10) people you wish to tag and leave a comment for each of them that reads, 'You Are Tagged', and instruct them to read your blog to learn the rules
Gotdamn Teej started this shhh and Now Dave tagged me.. So here it goes..
Wonder woman...
1. Ok, so when I was like 8 or 9 I had some Wonder woman underoo's, (that I wore EVERYWHERE)wrist bands, headband and light switch cover... it's safe to say, I loved me some Wonder Woman... SOOO, everyday around 1 p.m. I used to have this personal arguement with myself about whether I should watch Wonder Woman or go play. This became sort of a daily battle with myself for about 2 summers... needless to say, Wonder Woman usually won!
Tweezers
2. Aaron will get a kick out of this one... Ok, so whereever I go.. whether it be to the store, driving, on a trip or to the gym.. I MUST have my BOTH sets of my tweezers. WHY? Because I am ALWAYS plucking some kind of hair off of my chin, my eyebrows or anywhere that I feel there is an unwanted hair. IF I forget my tweezers I either A. Must go home and get them or B. Find the nearest beauty supply store and get replacements ASAP! If I don't, I could freak out and tear into my face with my nails.. ( i can't believe I just revealed this) LMAO For some reason tweezing keeps me calm.. go figure
Mirrors
3. I avoid being in front of the mirror naked at all costs! Yes, many of u may find me attractive... and yes I work out a lot and YES I've lost several pounds, but for the life of me I can't stand to see myself naked in a mirror.. and those department store mirrors count too.
Peeing.... dreams and almost accidents
4. Since everyone else went there.. I will too.. I have had SEVERAL pee dreams, but mine extend beyond peeing. Let's just say my stomach ain't so great and if I gotta go, I gotta go. Case in point, I was on the road with Marcel a few weeks ago.. and we were in the middle of Louisiana.. nothing but trees for days.. I'd eaten some type of something I wasn't supposed to... and my stomach was rumbling. I was like ahhh ohhh.. the roads down south are bit rough, hell, they are A LOT rough.. and all the bumping and thumping stirred up trouble in my belly.. hahaha I politely turn to my baby, with a sour look on my face and say, " I really gotta go to the bathroom".. Well, the next bathroom ain't for like 25 miles.. that's not the business. Well, I had to get out on the side of the road... How embarrassing, right? Well, it gets even better. How about a storm broke in the middle of me doing my business... and I was DRENCHED! Soaked... All wet and in tears... I opened the door to the truck and he just looked at me and laughed. UGH!
Falling
5. When I was 17, I was in camp. I was taking a shower in one of those public locker rooms with the 5 heads on one stand. Back then my body was pretty flawless, so I just tied the lil towel around my waist and trotted out with my chi's chi's showing and my shower shoes on. Well, the floor was concrete and wet.. and guess who did the slip and slide in front of 100 other girls and staff.. YUP me.. like a yellow, naked fish... LMAO
Possible OCD
6. So, I may have a slight case of OCD (as featured on Tyra the other day). Everything has to have a place.. and I mean it! Someone once came to my house and moved my center piece on my coffee table (purposely) ! I sat all of 10 minutes and I HAD to move it back... (although u may not be able to tell by the looks of my bedroom) AND I absolutely deplore dirty carpet. Can't stand it.. it will drive me nuts!! I will move out of a place if the carpet gets dirty and I can't get it clean.
No you can't touch it!
7. Ok, So I've been working out about a year consistantly now.. but I still have several issues with my stomach. I hide it! Really I do and if you're ever lucky enough to become intimate with me.. You WILL NEVER SEE IT.. not until I am done with it's reconstruction.. haha.. Aaron used to get so mad at me about that.. and so does my currently main squeeze. ;)
Like a boy
8. I am a big time tomboy... I depise dresses and u will rarely see me sporting any kind of skirt, skort that's NOT longer than my knees. I've always had this phobia about possibly getting into a fight or accident and my underwear is exposed. It's not like they're not clean, but what if it's that time of the month or anything. I'd be devastated.. ( and I'm sure there are worse things that can happen) But my closest friends have always heard me say that I feel like I'm cross dressing when I have on a dress.. LOL Imma jeans and tight tshirt girl ;)
Sleep talking?
9. I've been told that I talk in my sleep. This hasn't been confirmed, but I will take his word for it! I mean, not just one word here or there, but actual conversations. I've even been known to tell on myself occassionally. So if I have any secrets... put me to bed and they may be revealed... ;)
Dancing with the stars...
10.When I was a child and far into my adolesence I danced.. everything was dancing at one point... When I was 8, I entered a Michael Jackson dance contest and broke 2nd place with my rendition of Billie Jean. Even though my dreams of becoming the next big Paula Abdul were crushed long ago... I still choerograph entire routines in my bedroom off of my fav songs.. Yea, I do.. and we can have a dance off any day sucka's... I still got it. LOL
Yea, I just revealed some shit only a few select people know... and there is probably more weird shit about me.. but then we'd have to create a blog for ex's or family members to reveal what they feel is weird about us.. Although, I still don't think I am as weird as Teej ( i love u baby)... Now, I'm doing the tagging bitches! LMAO
1.Juswill
2.CJ wright
3.Church
4.Cloda (of course ;) )
5.SHAY
6. ALL Of my sisters
7.Aaron
8. Mark
9.mikey
10. Drum roll Please..... My cousin Jon Jon ( that shit should be funny) LOL
So many questions..... no answers.
Current mood: rejected
Category: Life
What happens when new love becomes old love? When smiles become frowns and laughter becomes painful? I'm just wondering out loud. Sometimes I still get jealous when I think of "him" with other women... does that mean I am still in love or attached to "him"? Nope. I don't believe so. I wrote this poem in my now, broken treo... I lost it.. Oh well! I've been losing a lot for the last 2 years. I went to the gym last night and spend 22 minutes on the cardio machine.. then I walked away.. I was tired... exhausted.. burned out... this morning my body feels like it's been in a car accident. I have to regroup. Am I the only one in this world who feels so unaccomplished and lost? I've gone back in forth in between two states searching for somewhere to belong to. Anywhere.. a job, a career.. a person, a friend.. but it NEVER happens. NEVER. I write until I cannot think of anything else to say. Still, no one understands me. If I give myself to someone and I exhale all of my pain......... confiding, trusting.. wanting to be truthful... and they turn around and spit it right back in your face... then, what else is there? Who can I trust? I don't write these blogs because I want people to feel sorry for me or I'm attempting to cast a dark light on whomever happens to be in my life. I write simply because it's the only thing I can trust. For anyone out there that has children... especially little girls, understand this: Everything that touches them physically or emotionally will ALWAYS affect them.. forever. I can never seem to get past my most basic need ... LOVE. But yet I've misconstrued love for so many years that at this point in my life I have no clue what it is. I told Marcel the other day, " If I give up on me and you give up on me, who's gonna be there for me?" ... I meant that.
While I sit fighting right now.. for who I am and where I wanna go in life.. I'm fighting alone... when I sit in court and listen to a judge talk about me as I am not there.. I sit alone... when I look at my son, and listen as he rambles off a thousand things he needs and wants.. and I KNOW I can't possibly get them.. I sit alone.. My point is ... I didn't bring myself into the world alone... I had two parents.. but neither seemed prepared or stable enough to provide me with any self assurance or self respect to nurture my growth into adulthood, therefore I relied solely on other people to fill the void... I wasn't involved alone in any alleged thefts .... but, I'm falling alone.. and I damn sure didn't get myself pregnant alone... and again.. I am just rambling shit off... because my brain is on overload right about now!
Nevertheless, I perservere... because it's who I am. I will be returning to work soon.. and shortly after my financial status will change. I haven't decided if I'm going back to school or not. I want to, but it's in the air for now. I'd like to get this book published. I'm done and it's just sitting here at my desk.. quietly waiting for me to get off my ass and send it to the government for my copy rights. I notice as I get older... I become more humble. go figure. Last night I was laying in my bed and I thought... I wonder how many people are thinking of me at this moment? Probably none, but then I get a text in the middle of the night from someone asking if I am ok... and be mindful that this "someone" is a person I was sure hated my guts.. Then Marcel calls at midnight... sooo.. Maybe I'm loved after all... (smile)
One more thing, I am tired of doing everything for everybody.. whether it be cleaning up at my house and I am NEVER there.. or listening... or giving money... rides.. places to stay.. cars... furniture..or just ME. All the shit I've done for everyone in the last 7 years has gotten me nowhere.. I still feel alone.. and I still feel like shit.. and in the meantime, I lose real friends...myself, my money or my time... I get involved in petty disputes with friends I love dearly.. all for what? So I won't be alone. That's how I lost the love of my life....
(sorry aaron)
Peace. Reese
Category: Life
What happens when new love becomes old love? When smiles become frowns and laughter becomes painful? I'm just wondering out loud. Sometimes I still get jealous when I think of "him" with other women... does that mean I am still in love or attached to "him"? Nope. I don't believe so. I wrote this poem in my now, broken treo... I lost it.. Oh well! I've been losing a lot for the last 2 years. I went to the gym last night and spend 22 minutes on the cardio machine.. then I walked away.. I was tired... exhausted.. burned out... this morning my body feels like it's been in a car accident. I have to regroup. Am I the only one in this world who feels so unaccomplished and lost? I've gone back in forth in between two states searching for somewhere to belong to. Anywhere.. a job, a career.. a person, a friend.. but it NEVER happens. NEVER. I write until I cannot think of anything else to say. Still, no one understands me. If I give myself to someone and I exhale all of my pain......... confiding, trusting.. wanting to be truthful... and they turn around and spit it right back in your face... then, what else is there? Who can I trust? I don't write these blogs because I want people to feel sorry for me or I'm attempting to cast a dark light on whomever happens to be in my life. I write simply because it's the only thing I can trust. For anyone out there that has children... especially little girls, understand this: Everything that touches them physically or emotionally will ALWAYS affect them.. forever. I can never seem to get past my most basic need ... LOVE. But yet I've misconstrued love for so many years that at this point in my life I have no clue what it is. I told Marcel the other day, " If I give up on me and you give up on me, who's gonna be there for me?" ... I meant that.
While I sit fighting right now.. for who I am and where I wanna go in life.. I'm fighting alone... when I sit in court and listen to a judge talk about me as I am not there.. I sit alone... when I look at my son, and listen as he rambles off a thousand things he needs and wants.. and I KNOW I can't possibly get them.. I sit alone.. My point is ... I didn't bring myself into the world alone... I had two parents.. but neither seemed prepared or stable enough to provide me with any self assurance or self respect to nurture my growth into adulthood, therefore I relied solely on other people to fill the void... I wasn't involved alone in any alleged thefts .... but, I'm falling alone.. and I damn sure didn't get myself pregnant alone... and again.. I am just rambling shit off... because my brain is on overload right about now!
Nevertheless, I perservere... because it's who I am. I will be returning to work soon.. and shortly after my financial status will change. I haven't decided if I'm going back to school or not. I want to, but it's in the air for now. I'd like to get this book published. I'm done and it's just sitting here at my desk.. quietly waiting for me to get off my ass and send it to the government for my copy rights. I notice as I get older... I become more humble. go figure. Last night I was laying in my bed and I thought... I wonder how many people are thinking of me at this moment? Probably none, but then I get a text in the middle of the night from someone asking if I am ok... and be mindful that this "someone" is a person I was sure hated my guts.. Then Marcel calls at midnight... sooo.. Maybe I'm loved after all... (smile)
One more thing, I am tired of doing everything for everybody.. whether it be cleaning up at my house and I am NEVER there.. or listening... or giving money... rides.. places to stay.. cars... furniture..or just ME. All the shit I've done for everyone in the last 7 years has gotten me nowhere.. I still feel alone.. and I still feel like shit.. and in the meantime, I lose real friends...myself, my money or my time... I get involved in petty disputes with friends I love dearly.. all for what? So I won't be alone. That's how I lost the love of my life....
(sorry aaron)
Peace. Reese
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