May 09, 2005

Some things NEVER change.. or do they?

I was talking to one of my sup's today and she said something very profound... She said she was watching Dr Phil & he mentioned an analogy involving a blender. He said if u turn the blender on and take the top off and place your hand on the inside, how many times would you do it? Of course the answer most people give is they would never do it in the first place... Point being:
If you wouldn't put your hand into a moving blender then why would you do the same with your life!!?? I guess that really made me think about my own stupid mistake & the way I handle my life. Aaron is back and this past weekend was horrible..it was fight after fight .... Honestly, I can't even determine why. Is it me? My fault? Maybe... or it could be that he is the blender that I keep sticking my hand into. I wanna love him more than anything,.... I wanna have this family more than anything....but if I keep getting the same result everytime then what is the solution? It can't just be me all the time... I can't be this bitch that he portrays me to be or am I? I'm harder now... sometimes to a point where I don't even understand. The nice me is buried somewhere deep beneath all the bullshit I have been thru... and everyone suffers b/c of it... including me.

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