It all started with Goodbye...

Maybe Joe was feeling particularly generous last night or he was simply tired of running from me, but he talked to me for about 2 hours. I listened like I've never listened before... hearing his deepest feelings while watching the pieces of my heart crumble. I kept thinking to myself why does this matter? Why is he so important to me? I didn't have an answer. I was given a front row seat into my own life and the perceptions he had of me. How could I be so selfish and insensitive? I didn't realize that he felt trapped & even drowned by my affections. Actually I heard all it all before, but I never cared... I never KNEW that I HURT him the way that I have. Intentions mean nothing after everything is said and done b/c u can never go back to change the actions. I put myself on the pedalstool in his life therefore I deserve everything I get!! I knocked myself down. I don't blame him for walking away today. I am not hurt or even angry... I'm saddened by this outcome. We had something so real. More real than I was willing to admit. It had nothing to do with sex or sexuality. It was more about respect and trust... PRIVACY even. I can't say that we will never be friends again because in my heart we are still friends. More likely we need to break free of each other's hold. One day he will find me. I will ALWAYS be here waiting. Forever.
He knows it.