Winding Down...

This past weekend has been probably one of these most eventful weekends I've had since the New Year. Friday was an all out chaotic day...When I got off of work I had to run to cash my checks...go get my feet done..pick up kids...drop off kids,..move furniture..make jokes and manage to remain calm when things didn't go my way...and this was just from 6:30 to 10 pm.
I didn't make it to bed until 2:30am. Saturday was extremely BUSY. My day started @ 6:30am... (remember I didn't go to bed until 2:30am) I had a hair appt @ 7am. Today was the big day...Alicia Keys Concert and I had to look perfect..and I DID! I spent the day shopping and shopping and more shopping...I came together in a pink and black pin stripe suit with a soft pink silk camisole underneath the jacket...hair was flowing perfectly. My make-up flawless...Oh I was cute and trust me I have my low esteem days, but Saturday was NOT one of them. We were all very well put together..Nakia & Willie wore matching white outfits & Teri wore a sexy low cut shirt with some white slacks. The concert was beautiful! That Alicia can SANG! The concert donned a 1930's theme with a 36 piece orchestra. I really had a good time. Afterward we headed to eat b/c thru all the mayhem during the day I'd forgotten to eat. Later on we made our way to the Club where I proceeded to take Hypnotic shots to the head...Ohh those are creepers be careful...lol Besides the fact that I had A WOMAN grabbing my ass all night & it was hotter than fish grease in there, I had a good time. Onto Sunday. I was up around 10am after getting in @ 3am the nite before. I had another busy day. Teri & I rushed to get the kids from the sitter and we headed to my house to get dressed. We'd decided to go to the Shark Reef @ the Mandalay Bay.. If you ever come to Vegas this is a MUST SEE!! There were gators and piranas..and some big ass sharks!!! I even got to touch some of the baby sharks as well as some sting rays.. it was one of the coolest things I've ever done. Marquin really enjoyed it too! He loves sharks and he just sat at the glass and watched the sharks swim by. After spending the day in the aquarium we went over to my friend Haseem's house. He decided to throw a last minute barbeque. That is where the drinking began. All I know is I was pretty messed up. Then my car broke. The alternator went out. Hahaha I have a warranty and guess what I have to pay a $200 deductible to get it fixed...but that is not the funniest part!! No! wait...the dealership that I bought the car from (which I've only had for 4 months) is now out of business. So, good thing I was drunk! lol I will work thru it... I ALWAYS DO! I ended up being stuck until road side assistance came @ 1am.
Monday was a trying day. I spent the most of the day @ the damn dealerships trying to get rid of this car, but of course I am upside down in my loan... WFT? How do they get away with this shit... Nakia & Willie had a barbeque around 4pm...I ended up drunk again, talking shit and playin spades.. ( more women grabbing my ass, ha! ) But I had a good time. Thru all the up's & downs my weekend was pretty great! The glass is definitely half full & NOT half empty....

p.s. Work was funny today... I will write about tomorrow... OMG.. LMAO

What a weekend!!!

From Friday to Monday it's been non-stop action. Since I am just coming to from my drunken stupor I will fill you in on all of the gory details tomorrow, when I am sober & coherent. In the meantime, I will head home. A place I haven't been in awhile.

Is it Friday yet?

Sometimes I am so morbid. I think things like what if I am dead tomorrow ...or I count the ways I could die in my mind over & over again. I hate that about myself. This week seems to be dragging on...I have so many things to do in the next 3 days... The concert in on Sat... Can you believe I have $621 loaned out??? I'm in the middle of collection my money as we speak..by the way I am broke as hell!! LOL Anyhow, here's the run down of my life.. Aaron is moving back to Cali AGAIN... ( figures) Joe is gone.. ( for good? I dont know) My sister is trying to make small attempts to help more (bout time) My new position is great! willie and Nakia are still my best friends... I am not trying to save the world... and I got a bad yeast infection from all the antibiotics (GROSS).... I'm alive and I can't complain too much........................Peace

It all started with Goodbye...

Maybe Joe was feeling particularly generous last night or he was simply tired of running from me, but he talked to me for about 2 hours. I listened like I've never listened before... hearing his deepest feelings while watching the pieces of my heart crumble. I kept thinking to myself why does this matter? Why is he so important to me? I didn't have an answer. I was given a front row seat into my own life and the perceptions he had of me. How could I be so selfish and insensitive? I didn't realize that he felt trapped & even drowned by my affections. Actually I heard all it all before, but I never cared... I never KNEW that I HURT him the way that I have. Intentions mean nothing after everything is said and done b/c u can never go back to change the actions. I put myself on the pedalstool in his life therefore I deserve everything I get!! I knocked myself down. I don't blame him for walking away today. I am not hurt or even angry... I'm saddened by this outcome. We had something so real. More real than I was willing to admit. It had nothing to do with sex or sexuality. It was more about respect and trust... PRIVACY even. I can't say that we will never be friends again because in my heart we are still friends. More likely we need to break free of each other's hold. One day he will find me. I will ALWAYS be here waiting. Forever.
He knows it.

Weekend Blogs

I hardly ever blog on the weekend. That could be due to the fact that I'm rarely home or when I am home I don't want to go anywhere near my computer. There are a couple of reasons for this. First one being it smells in there ..... My younger sister occupies that room and there is a horrendous odor coming from her closet.. DON'T ASK!!! Secondly, I am on this computer all week long for 9 hours out of the day... The last thing I want to do is spend more time in the house on the pc. Most of the time I just avoid it. It's a bad habit. I'd much rather be out in the 100 degree heat frolicking.. (lmao) Guess what. While I am on bad habits. HA! He is at is again...
He meaning Aaron. He found a new prospect online... good for him! But I hope he knows I AM DONE WITH HIM! HE CAN FUCK WHOMEVER HE WANTS... It just won't be me!!!
I had a wonderful weekend by the way. Saturday I cleaned up and chilled all day watching Lifetime & Sunday I went to Church. After Church I hung out with my friends until about 10 then I went home and got in the bed. I can't complain. I'm alive.
Be Back Later

I wanna go swimming...

Not many black women swim,including myself. I never really thought about until a minute ago. I missed out on the pool action last weekend at my Mom's house... Why?? One simple reason... My hair. There is a long process to getting my hair straightened. Don't think for one moment that just b/c my mom is white it's all good. It Ain't ( my daddy is still BLACK)... LMAO My shit is real kinky.... like an old Prince song...( still laughing at that one) When water hits my hair the curls cling to my head...There is no such thing as blow drying it straight...unless I'm going for the 70's fro look...So, whenever I have my hair flat ironed I'm pretty much confined to dry land...sitting by the side lines...watching the fun... all for the sake of straight hair... (sigh) How rough it is to be me.. ( smile) The only problem is now it is HOT AS HELL... Time for braids SOON!

One more thing... I am sooo glad today is Friday... You have no idea!!

Feeling better. . .

I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER TODAY. I HAVE A STRONG DOSE OF ANTIBIOTICS IN MY SYSTEM.

Blah!

Today I have the Blah's... I don't know if it's b/c my sinus's won't drain & the feeling is uncomfortable or if I'm so much of a hypocondriac that I'm sitting here worried that they are draining into my brain causing a brain abscess.... at which time I could drop dead at any moment... Ayeeee! I really need some help.. Guess what? Haven't heard from Aaron since my bday...Well, Oh Fucking Well.. I think he has my son's house key.... I'm just tired of going back & forth with him. I honestly wish him the best in life & love... Be back later...maybe??

Turning 29

I guess I was expecting to feel something different ( like I do every year I get older) but of course I had no such luck! I took a trip home to Cali, which for the most part was really great! My mom, of course bought me lots of stuff I didn't actually need...well, I can always use a 100 new outfits to put in my already full closet... We went out to a very expensive dinner @ Benihana's. (If you're not familiar with it ...it only happens to be one the most prominent Japanese Restaurants In Cali) We seen Michael Jackson's Mother there, so you can get the point. Just think of the Iron Chef cooking right at your table. LOL I was very hesitant to take Aaron with me on this trip because frankly when he is not high he is not very tolerant or nice. The first day went pretty good. It was Sunday when he really showed his ass. I guess he didn't realize this was my weekend...MY birthday & I really wanted to spend time with my mom & family & give them a chance to get to know him. Obviously he had other other plans. He wanted to go & hang out with his family in Compton. I thought this was selfish. This wasn't a regular weekend.. It was special to me. I really wanted my family to see him in a different light. We ended up getting into A BAD ARGUMENT YESTERDAY...So guess where he is... BACK AT HIS GRANDMA'S!! At this point, he can stay there. I've come to realize in the last couple of weeks that I'm not even in love with him anymore... I love him...but I just don't like him. His bad outweighs the good. PERIOD. I guess I needed to have him with me again to understand. Overall My bday was great....... Thanks to everyone that made it wonderful.... EVEN W/O JOE. LOL (I'M DONE WITH HIM)

My Friends. . . and last night.

Let's start off by saying that last night was one of the worst experiences in my life. I did the unthinkable... I LOST MY KEYS IN WALMART. Yes, I know how could I be such a ditz!!! They must have fallen out of my pocket...because while I was carelessly walking around shopping I didn't notice nor hear them drop. It's safe to say that it was a complete nightmare. Aaron got upset with me for losing them, he walks off and leaves me there at Walmart. I was soooo HOT!! Then the fucking idiots @ Walmart didn't make it any easier by putting me under interogation for my keys.. What did they look like, how many keys are on the ring,..any key chains? I'm thinking to myself as well as saying it outloud...THEY ARE SOME FUCKING KEYS...Lemme see what you have & I will show u which ones are mine...but NO that was too easy! Walmart is the epitome of The Word IDIOT!!! Anyhow an hour and several curse words later they found my keys.... SO that was the end of that... Moral of the story: Don't lose your keys @ Walmart.

Today: My friends are the GREATEST !!! When I came into work today My Desk was decorated with red balloons ,,... red candles...RED EVERYTHING... It is soo beautiful ! Then they framed a picture of all of us together,,. I feel so loved. :) Not only that they made a special lunch and cake just for me..I FEEL SO SPECIAL>>>I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

*Smiling*

My new job is absolutely wonderful and I'm loving every minute of doing nothing...

*** Still Smiling***

Hater's... LOL

So I got the promotion yesterday, but no one was advised until today. Of course I came to work very cute today.. all dressed up. I've received many looks, mainly dirty.Well, FUCK EM! I came here & did my job...I deserve everything I'm getting. So to all the haters @ Mpower Communications... Kiss My A$$ .... (still smiling)

Guess What!!!

I GOT THE JOB!!!!! A PROMOTION, A RAISE ALL THAT. I'M SOOOOOO HAPPYYYYYY!! I FEEL LIKE I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING.

Some things NEVER change.. or do they?

I was talking to one of my sup's today and she said something very profound... She said she was watching Dr Phil & he mentioned an analogy involving a blender. He said if u turn the blender on and take the top off and place your hand on the inside, how many times would you do it? Of course the answer most people give is they would never do it in the first place... Point being:
If you wouldn't put your hand into a moving blender then why would you do the same with your life!!?? I guess that really made me think about my own stupid mistake & the way I handle my life. Aaron is back and this past weekend was horrible..it was fight after fight .... Honestly, I can't even determine why. Is it me? My fault? Maybe... or it could be that he is the blender that I keep sticking my hand into. I wanna love him more than anything,.... I wanna have this family more than anything....but if I keep getting the same result everytime then what is the solution? It can't just be me all the time... I can't be this bitch that he portrays me to be or am I? I'm harder now... sometimes to a point where I don't even understand. The nice me is buried somewhere deep beneath all the bullshit I have been thru... and everyone suffers b/c of it... including me.

Mood Swings...

Lately I've noticed my moods changing a lot (more than usual) Things that really didn't bother me before are really starting to piss me off... So I will just go thru the list of bullshit that ticks me off...
#1. I loaned out some money to a close friend over 2 wks ago...
her car was repo'd among other things..she just had a baby & her good for nothing nigga does nothing. I am sickened by this situation because she is a good person, but it seems like she chooses dead beats as mates...I want her to have the best & I always have. I've ALWAYS been there for her no matter what...I've even lost other friendships because of it. Now I believe it's time for me to stop trying to save her & everyone else who seems to think that I just have it like that! I don't. What makes me even more upset is that she knows I pay & do everything alone..she hasn't even mentioned the money...she hasn't answered my text's message's, but then she calls me this morning like nothing happened and ask's me to turn on the phone for her ( i work for the phone co) That pisses me off!!!
#2. These motha fucca's @ work piss me off. I feel like most people here are 2 faced. They're always in your business. I've really worked hard on trying to develop a good rapport with all the sup's here. I recently applied for a lead position...still waiting on the decision...but there are so many hating ass bitches here...nigga's are bitches too... in particular..one new boy...
first he was sending me little love emails...(which I ignored)then I had to correct him the other day & he started acting like a little ass bitch. Rollin his eyes...just acting like a little kid... Then I go back and forth on a daily basis with nakia & willie...mostly over stupid shit...but that shit gets on my nerves. I want to go back to school. I am tired of working for someone else. I need to cultivate my gift and stop bullshitting..ALL this get's on my nerves too...
#3. Aaron... he get's on my nerves b/c he doesn't know how to talk without yelling..he also likes to talk about other people but when you talk about him or his family he gets a fucked up attitude...Also, he is not very neat and that shit gets on my nerves.///

#5. My period won't come// that is a whole notha issue.... but that shit gets on my nerves b/c I feel like I'm in a never-ending pms cyclone!

#6.this bitch ass nigga that i used to chat with occassionally on bp.(I wasn't gonna mention this but what the hell) Anyway, he has hit me up a few times. I intially sent him a note b/c I thought his page was interesting. He constantly wanted me to come and see him,but I always declined..something just ain't right about a man that seems desperate. Anyhow,yesterday he hits me up & asks me what clubs are hot in Vegas...Now, I'm not anything close to a club hopper... Majority of the clubs I hit up are gay clubs...WHY? Because all of my friends are gay!!
So I relay this to him....He replies.... "Oh! So u are a switchhitter?" I'm offended now...So I respond, "I'm bi-sexual...I have been all of my life". Then the conversation goes totally to the left... He says, "I didn't know lesbians liked big gurls".....Ohhhhhh Hell naw... Yes I am a "big gurl" I am 5'10...19something...but by no means am I desperate..lonely or FAT! All this time I am at work. I'm thinking wtf is up with this guy. He's not even cute...I hit him up b/c I thought he was someone that had some type of intelligence..NOOOOTTT ...................SO then he proceeds to tell me how he owns this and that...has no children...and I'm still thinking wtf is your point buddy? So I told him point blank...FUCK YOU! Stop sending me Im's you desperate ass bitch! I don't care about all the material name dropping you are doing...if you have to talk about it then you probably don't have it...if memory serves me right he told me he has 2 roommates,was a student & worked part-time... lol lol Sounds real promising and successful. I was very irritated. I blocked him from sending me IM's, but I didn't even get his angle...was he upset b/c I said I was bi-sexual...was he upset b/c I never initiated any contact. Whatever the case may be I knew the guy had issues because he was one of those " I don't usually date black women" motha fucca's.
ya'll feel me??/
That had me pissed for a hot minute....

The Dentist..

There is nothing more in the world that I hate than going to the Dentist. Please believe that I am big scardy cat. I have post poned my appt's 3 xs, but I needed to go. I have to get these deep cleaning treatments to prevent my teeth from falling out. I would be not so attractive without my teeth,lol... So I was forced to go. I hated every minute of it. Besides, having at least 3 full fledged panic attacks, my mouth is sore as hell and I was late to work...Soup it is for lunch...ewwww

Monday Blah's. . .

Yes today is Monday. Back to work & so far everthing is quiet. The weekend was pretty uneventful. Can you believe I stayed in ALL weekend with the exception of Friday. I went to a birthday party & then a gay club after. It was nice, I had a good time. Saturday I went & got my hair done, ran a few errands and called it a day. Sunday was my cool out day. I cooked brunch...cleaned up...headed to Walmart... amoung other places and spent some time with Aaron. Yea, I said Aaron. Besides the stupid argument we had about MarQuin, we had a nice time together.... You know I LOVE to drag him into Walmart (his least favorite place) He has this thing about pointing out all the men in the store that are being dragged along with their wives..looking desperately for an escape...secretly, I think he loves it!!!! Well, back to work.
Peace.