I’m soooo E mo SHUN nal

My heart....
Lately I've been contemplating writing a list ... especially since I've been on the road for the last month and seen so many things. For some reason, I couldn't fathom how to put it all together. Let's see, things have progressed so fast for me lately. I've been across the country 3 times in the last 6 weeks. I've met a man who's turned my world upside down. Good, bad or indifferent he did and I don't know what to do about it. I've come to realize that I attach myself to the idea of LOVE instead of actually allowing LOVE to manifest and grow. Maybe I am LOVE. At this point, I am unsure if I can continue on with him. When you travel at 80 mph you tend to miss a lot of important details passing by.... for instance, trust, honesty and respect. You may be fooled into believing these things existed, but in all actuality they never did. Let me leave it at that. It's not my intention to ponder any further about if I made a HUGE mistake in letting this person into my realm, which is forever evolving.. (smile) because in my heart, I still feel it was the right thing to do. For whatever it's worth he showed me a new side to myself and he made me better. He made me STOP and carefully analyze my personality in a way I'd never done before. I loved watching him watch me. We were talking the other day ( we do a lot of that lately) and he said to me, " I think you're too advanced for me, like the way you put things together, you're gifted. I haven't read ALL of your blogs, but you don't have to, to know you have a gift. I could NEVER listen to a song the way you do. And of course your beautiful too, but I am not caught up on your looks. With you being mixed and all"..... I laid there for a long time, suffocating in my tears after he said this to me... I want this to work soo bad... but with LOVE, you just NEVER know, right? It's hard to downshift from fast to slow when you've been speeding the ENTIRE time.





On the road...
Ok, black people. If I see one more cadillac, buick, cavalier or old ass MC, with missing doors, a rusted hood, painted wording that says things like, "Kiki love Dayshawn" Or "This is why I'm Hot" with some 20", 22" or 24" rims, ya'll are going to JAIL! How the hell does everyone in the middle of tim buck two have rims on their car? We are rolling in the depths of Mississippi Burning... rednecks, chickens, cows, forests for days... and what do I see... spinners, rims, low riders, jheri curls, corn rolls, colored weaves and I've had enough! lmao On some real talk, we NEED to get it together black people. ALL OF US!



The best part about being on the road is the tranquality. We'd ride for hours and I'd stare out of the window, just watching and thinking..... dreaming. I love the animals. Especially the cows! They are sooo majestic to me. Yea, I said Majestic. Have you ever watched a cow? Well, until you do.. shut it up! Haha! From time to time he'd ask me what I was thinking about.... it varied, but usually my life... my dreams and where I want to go with all of this writing I do. We'd pull over in the middle of a storm and just lay there... listening or watching the lightening. We got caught in a bad storm in Mississippi and when I say I almost drowned walking.. dammit, I did! But once you get yourself of the element... you can actually sit back and enjoy nature in it's purest form. One night we pulled over somewhere near New Mexico and Texas... we opened the back windows and went to sleep. I swear the cool, crisp air put me right to sleep and it was the best damned sleep of my life... ya'll KNOW how much I LOVE to sleep... lol Anyhow, overall being on the road is very interesting and exciting. You meet a lot of people from different walks of life and the Walmarts down south have much better merchandise.. go figure.



Crazy ass people
Why the hell did a man chase a 6 year old boy with a meat clever and stab him to death. Not soon after stabbing the mother as well. Now, the report said there were SEVERAL witness'. Ok, I don't know about you, but if I see a clown chasing a baby with a meat clever, I am NOT going to just sit back and watch. I will run his ass over... get a bat, a gun, something... but there's no way I'd just sit back and let it happen. Needless to say, the baby died and the mother is in critical condition. The world is really on it's last leg......



Peace.