1. "Fuck the police coming straight from the underground, a young nigga got it bad cuz I'm brown", NWA
2. Why the hell was I in Jail last week at this EXACT moment?
3.Cold part is it was for some old ass warrants that I should've taken care of
4.I've realized JAIL ain't for me! It was cold as shit in that bitch!
5.Thank GOD for my momma... don't know what I'd do with her.
6. "And when he tells you you ain't nuttin don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you you should leave him
Cause sista you don't need him
And I ain't tryin to gas ya up, I just call em how I see em
You know it makes me unhappy (what's that)
When brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up" Pac Keep Ya head up!
7. That's just some deep shit right there
8. So two weeks ago I go into the doctor because I was feeling "weird".... found out I was 4 months pregnant
9.Aaron wasn't too thrilled about that....
10. Monday night after the gym...the pain started.. needless to say I've spent the last two days in and out of the hospital...and the baby is lost :(
11.Thank god for Eric... he keeps me smiling. :)
12. "Knowin you the best part of life, do I have the right to take yours
Cause I created you, irresponsibly
Subconciously knowin the act I was a part of
The start of somethin, I'm not ready to bring into the world
Had myself believin I was sterile
I look into mother's stomach, wonder if you are a boy or a girl
Turnin this woman's womb into a tomb
But she and I agree, a seed we don't need
You would've been much more than a mouth to feed
But someone, I woulda fed this information I read
to someone, my life for you I woulda had to leave
Instead I lead you to death
I'm sorry for takin your first breath, first step, and first cry
But I wasn't prepared mentally nor financially
Havin a child shouldn't have to bring out the man in me
Plus I wanted you to be raised within a family" Common w/ Lauryn Hill "Restrospect for life"
13. He really believes it's about HIM
14."iF only he could see through my transparent facade... he'd understand I'm deeper than the shallow pool he dove head first into".. Reese.
15." I think my closed mindedness just opened up" Reese again on Eric
16. my god son is the MOST adorable baby ever!
17. "my body is strong, but weakened by my mind.. I just need some TIME to get it together, but as the time TICKS I realize time is just a measure until we get to that last moment... then it's all over.. STOP WASTING TIME!" Reese... 07
18. I've lost 13 pounds in the last two months.. I can't wait until I'm not fat anymore!
19. he says, "When you get right, you won't give me the time of day".....
20. I say, " I'm not giving u the time of day NOW"... (he laughs at me)
21. Churchie will be here on Wednesday
22.Aww shit bonnie and clyde on the grind,
23. But I ain't fallin for the banana in the tail pipe..lmao!
24. I've realized that's it better to just live life and stop worrying about shit I can't change!
25. Is music really as deep as, "I'm hot cuz I'm Fly, you ain't cuz u not!"
26.You have to be fucking kidding me!
27.I remember when I used to be excited about new records coming out..
28.Now I just roam around Best Buy looking for old shit I don't got anymore
29.Did I wake u up last night teejie?? I shoulda called risha triflin ass.. Ya'll a hot mess
30. and I'm OUT!
March 31, 2007
March 18, 2007
You reap what you sow... A lesson in Love.
Current mood: creative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Nikki sat nervously on the edge of the table awaiting the doctor's reponse. Lately, she hadn't been feeling like herself. Mornings were the worst. She'd wake up completely exhausted and just yesterday she found herself having an intimate conversation with her toilet. So, here she was inside of clinic, legs dangling from the table, dressed in a paper gown. SHe heard a knock on the door and the doctor slipped in. The doctor was a middle-aged indian woman. Her name plate depicted an unpronounceable name, so Nikki didn't even try. She glanced up at the doctor, while trying to hold her gown in place over her freezing breasts.
"Well, seems as though I've found the problem", the doctor said. Nikki listened intently as the doctor began, "You're going to have a baby Miss". Nikki fell into a deep shock. "I'm going to have a baby?", she asked. "Seems that way, infact you're about 4 months a long", the doctor replied. Nikki didn't understand. She sat there thinking.... deeply. Had it been almost 4 months since she's seen him? Can't be, but then again, it had to be, for there was no one else. She felt sick and didn't know what she would do. Would he believe her? Would he be there? She did the only thing she knew how to do, she sent him a text message that simply said: I NEED TO TALK ASAP! WHENEVER YOU"VE THE TIME I'D APPRECIATE A CALL OR MESSAGE BACK! THANKS, NIKKI
Within in minutes she had a response. "HE" asked her what's up? How could she tell HIM, this person with whom she's spent countless nights declaring her love for. This same person who'd expressed his desire to venture outside of their once solid commitment just months before. She remembered the day vividly now as she listened to the doctor rant on in the background about her options and inquire if she were married or not. As the doctor's voice slowly faded into the darkness of her imagination, she was there again... in his room. She could see him sitting on their bed. He looked beautiful.... " I need to tell you this now", Jason said firmly. " I really don't know how to say this, but I think we should see other people. I mean, I'm just not happy anymore. Ever since you moved here from Georgia, it's different. I know what you're thinking, but there isn't anyone else. I just need to get myself together." his voice trailed off during his last sentence. Was she dreaming? Did her Fiance' just break up with her? She stood there silent for a moment and then the tears began streaming. She'd moved here for him... and her art as well. Sure she wanted to paint and New York was an excellent place to start for a young starving artist, but ultimately it was all for him. She hesistated before saying, " What about this ring? Does it mean absolutely nothing now?". She was furious. 3 years she's struggled with him and sure they had their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, it was the two of them together. ALWAYS. Jason said nothing. He just held his head down and whispered, "I think it's for the best, Nikki. We're too young for this. I've never been able to date without the pressure of a relationship. I love u and I always will, but I'm NOT in love with you. I think you should leave as soon as your able". He can't be serious. She has a 4 year old daughter to think about. He's the only father she knows. How will she explain this to Aubrey. She adores him. Her next move was one out of pure desperation. Before she knew it, she'd picked up a painting she'd been working on for 3 months.... it was an ode to their love.. something special she was going to give him for his birthday. She threw it at him, she screamed and through the tears she began throwing anything she could at him. He ducked and dodged her frivolous attempt to expell her anger.... "STOP!", he yelled. He finally reached her and grabbed her. Tears flowing freely from his own eyes, he looked her straight in her own and said, "It's over, I'm sorry". That was the last time she'd seen him.... 4 months ago... "SO, I will need to refer you to an OB-GYN ASAP!, you will need prenatal vitamens and"... the doctor's voice forced her back into reality. She quickly typed: I'M PREGNANT. 4 MONTHS TO BE EXACT. THERE HAS BEEN NO ONE SINCE YOU. He responded: I DON'T THINK "YOU" SHOULD HAVE IT. IT WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE. WE ARE NEVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER AND I AM NOT INTERESTING IN HAVING A FAMILY WITH YOU. ...... She read it twice. She couldn't believe the coldness of his reply. She sat there for a long moment and cried. What would she do? The last piece of their love lie deep inside of her belly. How could she terminate something so pure?
TO be continued.......
Category: Writing and Poetry
Nikki sat nervously on the edge of the table awaiting the doctor's reponse. Lately, she hadn't been feeling like herself. Mornings were the worst. She'd wake up completely exhausted and just yesterday she found herself having an intimate conversation with her toilet. So, here she was inside of clinic, legs dangling from the table, dressed in a paper gown. SHe heard a knock on the door and the doctor slipped in. The doctor was a middle-aged indian woman. Her name plate depicted an unpronounceable name, so Nikki didn't even try. She glanced up at the doctor, while trying to hold her gown in place over her freezing breasts.
"Well, seems as though I've found the problem", the doctor said. Nikki listened intently as the doctor began, "You're going to have a baby Miss". Nikki fell into a deep shock. "I'm going to have a baby?", she asked. "Seems that way, infact you're about 4 months a long", the doctor replied. Nikki didn't understand. She sat there thinking.... deeply. Had it been almost 4 months since she's seen him? Can't be, but then again, it had to be, for there was no one else. She felt sick and didn't know what she would do. Would he believe her? Would he be there? She did the only thing she knew how to do, she sent him a text message that simply said: I NEED TO TALK ASAP! WHENEVER YOU"VE THE TIME I'D APPRECIATE A CALL OR MESSAGE BACK! THANKS, NIKKI
Within in minutes she had a response. "HE" asked her what's up? How could she tell HIM, this person with whom she's spent countless nights declaring her love for. This same person who'd expressed his desire to venture outside of their once solid commitment just months before. She remembered the day vividly now as she listened to the doctor rant on in the background about her options and inquire if she were married or not. As the doctor's voice slowly faded into the darkness of her imagination, she was there again... in his room. She could see him sitting on their bed. He looked beautiful.... " I need to tell you this now", Jason said firmly. " I really don't know how to say this, but I think we should see other people. I mean, I'm just not happy anymore. Ever since you moved here from Georgia, it's different. I know what you're thinking, but there isn't anyone else. I just need to get myself together." his voice trailed off during his last sentence. Was she dreaming? Did her Fiance' just break up with her? She stood there silent for a moment and then the tears began streaming. She'd moved here for him... and her art as well. Sure she wanted to paint and New York was an excellent place to start for a young starving artist, but ultimately it was all for him. She hesistated before saying, " What about this ring? Does it mean absolutely nothing now?". She was furious. 3 years she's struggled with him and sure they had their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, it was the two of them together. ALWAYS. Jason said nothing. He just held his head down and whispered, "I think it's for the best, Nikki. We're too young for this. I've never been able to date without the pressure of a relationship. I love u and I always will, but I'm NOT in love with you. I think you should leave as soon as your able". He can't be serious. She has a 4 year old daughter to think about. He's the only father she knows. How will she explain this to Aubrey. She adores him. Her next move was one out of pure desperation. Before she knew it, she'd picked up a painting she'd been working on for 3 months.... it was an ode to their love.. something special she was going to give him for his birthday. She threw it at him, she screamed and through the tears she began throwing anything she could at him. He ducked and dodged her frivolous attempt to expell her anger.... "STOP!", he yelled. He finally reached her and grabbed her. Tears flowing freely from his own eyes, he looked her straight in her own and said, "It's over, I'm sorry". That was the last time she'd seen him.... 4 months ago... "SO, I will need to refer you to an OB-GYN ASAP!, you will need prenatal vitamens and"... the doctor's voice forced her back into reality. She quickly typed: I'M PREGNANT. 4 MONTHS TO BE EXACT. THERE HAS BEEN NO ONE SINCE YOU. He responded: I DON'T THINK "YOU" SHOULD HAVE IT. IT WILL ONLY MAKE MATTERS WORSE. WE ARE NEVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER AND I AM NOT INTERESTING IN HAVING A FAMILY WITH YOU. ...... She read it twice. She couldn't believe the coldness of his reply. She sat there for a long moment and cried. What would she do? The last piece of their love lie deep inside of her belly. How could she terminate something so pure?
TO be continued.......
March 14, 2007
The circle of Life
Life if truly amazing in it's purest form... a baby. Last night I witnessed my best and her husband bring their 1st son together into the world. I have to admit I was a little apprehensive about even being there.... as I still hold onto this pain, which burns like a never-ending candle in my heart. I miss my babies,..I want them back.. I want to share life with the man I love.... those are my thoughts on a daily basis... I want to watch someone stand in awe at our creation... Well, I experienced that all last night. I've known this person for half of my life.. she and I have shared intimate up and downs through our journey together... So, I had to be there.. for her and me.
Tears ...letting go... releasing pain
I heard his first cry and I knew this child was one of a kind. My Godson had made his entrance.. and he wanted everyone to know about it! I didn't even realize there were tears in my eyes until I went to focus on his little face.. How beautiful he was.. laying there.. cold and more than likely shocked at his new environment... I wiped my tears and checked on his mother ( who did a great job by the way)... then I watched his father... who stood there in awe at this little person whom was now an extension of his own soul. He carefully looked him over honing in on every detail about his son... More tears now followed. I thought of Aaron.... and our babies.. and how bad we both WANTED to experience this together.. I remember laying in his arms the night we lost our 1st child... he cried for hours... holding me.. apologizing for what he felt was his fault. I've never forgotten that night. Now, I'm standing here reveling in someone else's happiness... there was so much love in that room, that if you had a knife you could cut little hearts into the air. I took a deep breath and walked over to get a closer look at my new god son... his eyes were wide open and he looked at me as though he were waiting for me to say something.. So I talked to him... I told him how beautiful he was... and I told him he had a lifetime of adventure waiting ahead of him... Life has just begun for him... and he laid there listening to me... fingers in his mouth while his eyes intently followed every word I said... and then it happened... I let go. I hugged my friends... and left. I felt like I'd just releashed a life time of pain.... Pain that's been holding me down for the last16 months.... I felt free..
When I made it back to my car... I sent a message to Aaron. I truly hope one day he can experience fatherhood... I understand it will NOT be with me...
AND I'm OK with that...
Tears ...letting go... releasing pain
I heard his first cry and I knew this child was one of a kind. My Godson had made his entrance.. and he wanted everyone to know about it! I didn't even realize there were tears in my eyes until I went to focus on his little face.. How beautiful he was.. laying there.. cold and more than likely shocked at his new environment... I wiped my tears and checked on his mother ( who did a great job by the way)... then I watched his father... who stood there in awe at this little person whom was now an extension of his own soul. He carefully looked him over honing in on every detail about his son... More tears now followed. I thought of Aaron.... and our babies.. and how bad we both WANTED to experience this together.. I remember laying in his arms the night we lost our 1st child... he cried for hours... holding me.. apologizing for what he felt was his fault. I've never forgotten that night. Now, I'm standing here reveling in someone else's happiness... there was so much love in that room, that if you had a knife you could cut little hearts into the air. I took a deep breath and walked over to get a closer look at my new god son... his eyes were wide open and he looked at me as though he were waiting for me to say something.. So I talked to him... I told him how beautiful he was... and I told him he had a lifetime of adventure waiting ahead of him... Life has just begun for him... and he laid there listening to me... fingers in his mouth while his eyes intently followed every word I said... and then it happened... I let go. I hugged my friends... and left. I felt like I'd just releashed a life time of pain.... Pain that's been holding me down for the last16 months.... I felt free..
When I made it back to my car... I sent a message to Aaron. I truly hope one day he can experience fatherhood... I understand it will NOT be with me...
AND I'm OK with that...
March 08, 2007
The Woman I am?
Current mood: determined
Category: Romance and Relationships
As I grow older (grrrr), I find myself becoming more reflective on my life, my actions and the consequences that follow. I guess one could say this is a sign of maturity and growth..not to say that I don't make mistakes or require more growth. I guess, I'm slight more conscious of my choices. I think a lot about the past, which in my opinion is the only way to learn from my mistakes. I look at people close to me who seem to be stuck in their unhealthy, unhappy life. I don't feel I am better, but I do feel I am making better choices. After 5 long years of playing childish games and chasing fruitless endeavors, I've realized my happiness doesn't lie in something or someone else. I do, however understand that my own happiness starts with loving myself... a daily challenge... but one that I am consistantly working on.
When looking back on Aaron and I's relationship, I clearly see where I may have caused a lot of our problems. I haven't always been very supportive. Meaning, when he was down, I reminded him that HE WAS DOWN. I believe the reason for this attitude has a lot to do with my past and my journey in life. I'm not very empathetic nor sympathetic when it comes to other people. I've NEVER had it easy!! I've always had to fight, steal and take what is rightfully mine... sometimes literally. From the very day I entered this earth, I was set up to fail. I was a difficult teenager... with an identity crisis no one bothered to address.. and I was stubborn as hell... but through all of my adversity, I made it.. with a baby boy in tow... for me.. in my mind there is no excuse for a grown man to be without a job or a means to sustain himself. I still believe this to a certain extent, but I REALIZE.. being a BLACK MAN in America is a trial in itself, HOWEVER... one can overcome.... if u CHOOSE to. Bottom line is I don't know if I can be someone's equal mate and look at them objectively and not judgmentally.... it's extremely hard... but, AGAIN I am a work in progress and I'm just being honest.
In all fairness to myself... I have a lot to offer any man for that matter. I'm super intelligent, witty, a great conversationalist and absolutely sexy in the red light... ;) I meet a lot of men... most I'm not even attracted to. The ones I'm attracted too are just like me... confused... and unsure if a relationship is for them. There are times I long for this perfect family... a husband, children... beautiful home.. the works.. but I thought Aaron and I would do that together... now 8 months later I REALIZE he is NOT coming back.... I can't imagine myself starting that dream again, only to have it crushed. It all seems so redundant...
The woman I am today compared to yesterday is completely different. I look at life as an opportunity and I don't dread waking up any longer. I attempt to seize every moment as if it were my last... there are days when I feel like I can't or I won't make it... when I feel like giving up... walking away... yelling ( sometimes I do) or crying... BUT... for some reason, whomever is watching over us feels I deserve to be here and gives me another day to try again... Hopefully when it's all over I will have a meaningful life to look back on.... with many adventures to speak about.. until then I'm just enjoying the ride!
Category: Romance and Relationships
As I grow older (grrrr), I find myself becoming more reflective on my life, my actions and the consequences that follow. I guess one could say this is a sign of maturity and growth..not to say that I don't make mistakes or require more growth. I guess, I'm slight more conscious of my choices. I think a lot about the past, which in my opinion is the only way to learn from my mistakes. I look at people close to me who seem to be stuck in their unhealthy, unhappy life. I don't feel I am better, but I do feel I am making better choices. After 5 long years of playing childish games and chasing fruitless endeavors, I've realized my happiness doesn't lie in something or someone else. I do, however understand that my own happiness starts with loving myself... a daily challenge... but one that I am consistantly working on.
When looking back on Aaron and I's relationship, I clearly see where I may have caused a lot of our problems. I haven't always been very supportive. Meaning, when he was down, I reminded him that HE WAS DOWN. I believe the reason for this attitude has a lot to do with my past and my journey in life. I'm not very empathetic nor sympathetic when it comes to other people. I've NEVER had it easy!! I've always had to fight, steal and take what is rightfully mine... sometimes literally. From the very day I entered this earth, I was set up to fail. I was a difficult teenager... with an identity crisis no one bothered to address.. and I was stubborn as hell... but through all of my adversity, I made it.. with a baby boy in tow... for me.. in my mind there is no excuse for a grown man to be without a job or a means to sustain himself. I still believe this to a certain extent, but I REALIZE.. being a BLACK MAN in America is a trial in itself, HOWEVER... one can overcome.... if u CHOOSE to. Bottom line is I don't know if I can be someone's equal mate and look at them objectively and not judgmentally.... it's extremely hard... but, AGAIN I am a work in progress and I'm just being honest.
In all fairness to myself... I have a lot to offer any man for that matter. I'm super intelligent, witty, a great conversationalist and absolutely sexy in the red light... ;) I meet a lot of men... most I'm not even attracted to. The ones I'm attracted too are just like me... confused... and unsure if a relationship is for them. There are times I long for this perfect family... a husband, children... beautiful home.. the works.. but I thought Aaron and I would do that together... now 8 months later I REALIZE he is NOT coming back.... I can't imagine myself starting that dream again, only to have it crushed. It all seems so redundant...
The woman I am today compared to yesterday is completely different. I look at life as an opportunity and I don't dread waking up any longer. I attempt to seize every moment as if it were my last... there are days when I feel like I can't or I won't make it... when I feel like giving up... walking away... yelling ( sometimes I do) or crying... BUT... for some reason, whomever is watching over us feels I deserve to be here and gives me another day to try again... Hopefully when it's all over I will have a meaningful life to look back on.... with many adventures to speak about.. until then I'm just enjoying the ride!
Got damned Gary Brown and the rest of dem Browns.. Bobby Included!
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
Black People we must get a hold of our children while their young. Please refer to the profile below. This child is in SEVERAL of my son's classes. He is Bad.. In fact, he puts all 3 letters in bad. A few weeks back I took a surprise trip to MarQuin's school and sat in on his History class. Needless to say, Mr. Brown was not concerned about a parent entering the room. He continued his tirade in the classroom, while the teacher stood by helplessly watching. He and "Alex".. ( not a Brown, but a Castillo...which is the equivilant to a Brown! hahaha) decided it would be fun to tip the desks over while standing on them. MarQuin stayed silent in the classroom while the chaos erupted around him. ( He knew what was good for him) A clear depiction of a child that has an imbedded fear of his mother and what she might do. After about 15 minutes of listening/watching to various curse words and paper fly by my face I'd had enough!!!!!... I asked Alex if the desk he was standing on was his "seat". He replied yea and gave me a perplexed look. I responded in the harshest tone I knew, " GET YOUR ASS IN IT THEN!" ... Yea I cursed at someone else's kid, but hell... it's probably what THEIR parents need to be doing. I flashed a quick, dirty glance at Mr. Gary Brown and he cowered in his seat. If he were my son I'd beat the hell out of him for fun.. LOL Yup, pure, good ole child abuse...
So, today I am monitoring Quin's Myspace and I come across Mr. Brown's page...
..
.> GARY Pooh Pooh
..> ..> " I'll put a hole in all you niggas that fuck with me bitch"
Male
24 years old
Alabama
United States
..>..>
..>..>
">
This kid is 11... Do you hear me? 11... This shit scares the hell out of me. There is so much potential in these children, but unfortunately many of us were children when we had these children. We had no guidance or support, so now we must deal with those consequences. Now, I don't know what type of parents Gary has, but I intend to find out. It's not too late for him.. (hopefully) and all jokes aside, WE really need to focus on our kids... and EVERYTHING they do.
Peace.
Category: Life
Black People we must get a hold of our children while their young. Please refer to the profile below. This child is in SEVERAL of my son's classes. He is Bad.. In fact, he puts all 3 letters in bad. A few weeks back I took a surprise trip to MarQuin's school and sat in on his History class. Needless to say, Mr. Brown was not concerned about a parent entering the room. He continued his tirade in the classroom, while the teacher stood by helplessly watching. He and "Alex".. ( not a Brown, but a Castillo...which is the equivilant to a Brown! hahaha) decided it would be fun to tip the desks over while standing on them. MarQuin stayed silent in the classroom while the chaos erupted around him. ( He knew what was good for him) A clear depiction of a child that has an imbedded fear of his mother and what she might do. After about 15 minutes of listening/watching to various curse words and paper fly by my face I'd had enough!!!!!... I asked Alex if the desk he was standing on was his "seat". He replied yea and gave me a perplexed look. I responded in the harshest tone I knew, " GET YOUR ASS IN IT THEN!" ... Yea I cursed at someone else's kid, but hell... it's probably what THEIR parents need to be doing. I flashed a quick, dirty glance at Mr. Gary Brown and he cowered in his seat. If he were my son I'd beat the hell out of him for fun.. LOL Yup, pure, good ole child abuse...
So, today I am monitoring Quin's Myspace and I come across Mr. Brown's page...
..
.> GARY Pooh Pooh..> ..> " I'll put a hole in all you niggas that fuck with me bitch"
Male
24 years old
Alabama
United States
..>..>
..>..>
">
This kid is 11... Do you hear me? 11... This shit scares the hell out of me. There is so much potential in these children, but unfortunately many of us were children when we had these children. We had no guidance or support, so now we must deal with those consequences. Now, I don't know what type of parents Gary has, but I intend to find out. It's not too late for him.. (hopefully) and all jokes aside, WE really need to focus on our kids... and EVERYTHING they do.
Peace.
Why the aren't I asleep?
Current mood: restless
Category: Blogging
That's an excellent question. Usually during this time I am sound asleep, but for some reason I am up tonite. It could be simply because my son is sick and I am monitoring his breathing... or it could be because I can't get HIM off of my mind.
I don't want to say who HIM is... because it's like I've come full circle and I'm back to where I started. I really tried ya'll, but the truth is Life just isn't fun without HIM.... and the laughter isn't the same without HIM... funny thing is I am not trying to win him back... I just want HIM in my life somehow.. we are going out tomorrow... Hopefully all will go as planned. There are times I am lying in my bed and I can smell HIM all over me... I just want to lay my head on his chest... . .... Like I used to.. is that so wrong?
Category: Blogging
That's an excellent question. Usually during this time I am sound asleep, but for some reason I am up tonite. It could be simply because my son is sick and I am monitoring his breathing... or it could be because I can't get HIM off of my mind.
I don't want to say who HIM is... because it's like I've come full circle and I'm back to where I started. I really tried ya'll, but the truth is Life just isn't fun without HIM.... and the laughter isn't the same without HIM... funny thing is I am not trying to win him back... I just want HIM in my life somehow.. we are going out tomorrow... Hopefully all will go as planned. There are times I am lying in my bed and I can smell HIM all over me... I just want to lay my head on his chest... . .... Like I used to.. is that so wrong?
Why the aren't I asleep?
Current mood: restless
Category: Blogging
That's an excellent question. Usually during this time I am sound asleep, but for some reason I am up tonite. It could be simply because my son is sick and I am monitoring his breathing... or it could be because I can't get HIM off of my mind.
I don't want to say who HIM is... because it's like I've come full circle and I'm back to where I started. I really tried ya'll, but the truth is Life just isn't fun without HIM.... and the laughter isn't the same without HIM... funny thing is I am not trying to win him back... I just want HIM in my life somehow.. we are going out tomorrow... Hopefully all will go as planned. There are times I am lying in my bed and I can smell HIM all over me... I just want to lay my head on his chest... . .... Like I used to.. is that so wrong?
Category: Blogging
That's an excellent question. Usually during this time I am sound asleep, but for some reason I am up tonite. It could be simply because my son is sick and I am monitoring his breathing... or it could be because I can't get HIM off of my mind.
I don't want to say who HIM is... because it's like I've come full circle and I'm back to where I started. I really tried ya'll, but the truth is Life just isn't fun without HIM.... and the laughter isn't the same without HIM... funny thing is I am not trying to win him back... I just want HIM in my life somehow.. we are going out tomorrow... Hopefully all will go as planned. There are times I am lying in my bed and I can smell HIM all over me... I just want to lay my head on his chest... . .... Like I used to.. is that so wrong?
the what the hell was i was thinking list
Current mood: anxious
Category: Blogging
ok people no numbers today!this list is via my pocket pc...kinda cool....just made it to vegas!! the fun starts tomorrow....I'm headed to yung jeezys party as appollonia yes, I'm a sex shooter....In my quest for womandom....no...that aint a word!! I got my first bikini wax todayOUCH!I don't know what's worse....2 asian women with sissors and wax between my legs...or some strange asian gyno with a spectrum? either way they look like their having way too much fun...on the way up the hill of course there many sites to see...in 7/11 there was a white dude with 9 bucks worth of dimes and nickles....buying condoms..wft?hey....sometimes u gotta do what u gotta doI! seen a scion with a busted back window...the driver was kind enough to tape it up with a plastic bag and black tapethe poor bag was flapping around everywhere and why is there so much construction on the freeway, but aint no one constructin shit....have u ever seen a video with sub titles??? try that shit....I was working out the other night when why I'm hot came on u don't realize how super wack the lyrics are until u SEE them on the screen .....speaking of working out....round the way girls that just walk around the gym...knock it off!!while ur color coordinating work out gear is rather amusing...ur quest for attention is NOT! its a gym.not a club...well...its party time...ne body ready to get on their knees?lmao.....peace
Category: Blogging
ok people no numbers today!this list is via my pocket pc...kinda cool....just made it to vegas!! the fun starts tomorrow....I'm headed to yung jeezys party as appollonia yes, I'm a sex shooter....In my quest for womandom....no...that aint a word!! I got my first bikini wax todayOUCH!I don't know what's worse....2 asian women with sissors and wax between my legs...or some strange asian gyno with a spectrum? either way they look like their having way too much fun...on the way up the hill of course there many sites to see...in 7/11 there was a white dude with 9 bucks worth of dimes and nickles....buying condoms..wft?hey....sometimes u gotta do what u gotta doI! seen a scion with a busted back window...the driver was kind enough to tape it up with a plastic bag and black tapethe poor bag was flapping around everywhere and why is there so much construction on the freeway, but aint no one constructin shit....have u ever seen a video with sub titles??? try that shit....I was working out the other night when why I'm hot came on u don't realize how super wack the lyrics are until u SEE them on the screen .....speaking of working out....round the way girls that just walk around the gym...knock it off!!while ur color coordinating work out gear is rather amusing...ur quest for attention is NOT! its a gym.not a club...well...its party time...ne body ready to get on their knees?lmao.....peace
For you.. The love of my life.
For you.. The love of my life.
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life
Happy Valentines Day.
I remember it like it was yesterday... June 27,1995.....that was the day I was introduced to the love of my life for the first time. 9 months earlier I was working when I got the news. The telephone rang and I picked it up .... My life was changed forever. I was told you'd be arriving sooner rather than later....I had little time to prepare. The road traveled was rough...Many nights I laid alone awaiting your arrival....wondering what you'd be like.. if you'd love me....I was nervous.. and scared. I didn't know if I would be good enough for you. Then it happened... one hot morning in June....I started the day as I normally did... Breakfast... a little cleaning.. . 23 hours later I was looking into your eyes and it was love at first sight. I held you in my arms and promised to love you forever. You were absolutely beautiful... the way you looked up at me.. well, it took my breath away. That was the begining of our, now 12 year love affair. I will be the first to say, this love hasn't been easy. There are days when I've wanted to give up, but you ALWAYS give me a reason to keep going. You've showed me what it means to love unconditionally.... I can be angry with you, but it never lasts for long.. you'll look up at me with those familiar eyes and my heart melts everytime. I am sad on occassion ... I know you will leave me one day soon... or give your heart to another.... BUT... luckily I KNOW you and I have a bond that no one can break... for you are me and I am you... an extension of my soul... a continuing beat of my heart.... and when my loves ends on this earth... you, MY SON.. will forever be a branch extending my legacy. I love you. MOM
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life
Happy Valentines Day.
I remember it like it was yesterday... June 27,1995.....that was the day I was introduced to the love of my life for the first time. 9 months earlier I was working when I got the news. The telephone rang and I picked it up .... My life was changed forever. I was told you'd be arriving sooner rather than later....I had little time to prepare. The road traveled was rough...Many nights I laid alone awaiting your arrival....wondering what you'd be like.. if you'd love me....I was nervous.. and scared. I didn't know if I would be good enough for you. Then it happened... one hot morning in June....I started the day as I normally did... Breakfast... a little cleaning.. . 23 hours later I was looking into your eyes and it was love at first sight. I held you in my arms and promised to love you forever. You were absolutely beautiful... the way you looked up at me.. well, it took my breath away. That was the begining of our, now 12 year love affair. I will be the first to say, this love hasn't been easy. There are days when I've wanted to give up, but you ALWAYS give me a reason to keep going. You've showed me what it means to love unconditionally.... I can be angry with you, but it never lasts for long.. you'll look up at me with those familiar eyes and my heart melts everytime. I am sad on occassion ... I know you will leave me one day soon... or give your heart to another.... BUT... luckily I KNOW you and I have a bond that no one can break... for you are me and I am you... an extension of my soul... a continuing beat of my heart.... and when my loves ends on this earth... you, MY SON.. will forever be a branch extending my legacy. I love you. MOM
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