It's not you... it's me...

Someone PLEASE point me into the right direction. I can't, for the life of me fathom WHY I keep continuing to meet men that A. Are Liars and B.Want to Lie to me like I'm a fucking idiot and C. Think they can get away with hurting me without any consequence. In the begining I am smart, beautiful and cool to be around... but as soon as anything remotely intimate happens or the "conversation" tends to sway in the direction of ..."Where are we going with this".... I hear the same bullshit lines. I am sick and fucking tired of draining my life energy with idiots...!! Now, some may argue that this is a conscious choice I make... and that may very well be true, HOWEVER... by the time you've figured out they are liars and idiots it's too late... or you've already fallen in love with them.



I've been told I give too much too soon... or I reveal too much too soon. Ok, for the sake of arguement maybe I do. Just because I don't have some down low, alterior motive to dig into your pockets or trap you into becoming my husband doesn't mean I deserve to be walked on like a door mat! And so what if I let my emotions hang freely upon my shoulder for everyone to see. Is it a crime to be honest and forthcoming with exactly what I want and don't want? Furthermore, once I lay down my intentions isn't a man obligated to act accordingly to those intentions?

For example, If I tell you in the begining a casual fling is NOT an option, shouldn't YOU BE MAN ENOUGH to walk away if that's all you're looking for? It seems much worse to dip your spoon in the pudding for a taste and then leave the container open and exposed .... half eaten for the next person to come along. Leave well enough alone.



What's wrong with me?
I've entertained this question time upon time. Intially, I've pondered if losing weight would change my circumstances.. well, I've been at this gym thing for almost 5 months and nothing has changed except my physical appearance. Ok, well then emotionally I'm just fucked up. I've been through entirely too much in my short time on earth... maybe my mind has just had enough... Maybe, no one will ever get me. So I ask myself....

Cherise, do you love yourself? ( silence)

He, they, or them never will if you don't. True words. Easier said than done.



Black men... Grow up!
You can't spend your lives running from real commitments and love. Hiding in dark rooms for hours playing PS2 or 3... until you can't see straight. Your boys aren't be there when your 50 and your back goes out... She will.. if u give HER a chance... life if supposed to get easier as we age. In my opinion, MOST black men my age are more immature, lazy and simply irresponsible than when I was 18 years old! Notice I said MOST not all. Unfortunately, the small percentage that are about anything are either GAY.. taken, or not tall enough (lol), just joking... I'm really not that superficial. This shit sucks... And I give up.... Period, at least for now.