Last night I experienced a set back. It's my own fault really. For some reason, I refuse to let him go. He's definitely let go.. shit he threw me back in the ocean. LOL I love him no matter how hard I try not to. The feeling resonates in the pit of my soul.. hidden waiting to be exposed... *SIGH* Who knows how long it will take to get rid of all these"feelings". Even if I pretend that it doesn't bother that he's "seeing" someone else.. .oh and then he sends me pictures of her... and she's really pretty... but then again, so am I ( just a little horn toot for self esteems sake). I truly can't believe he says he loves her... Unconditionally? Well, I take that back.. yes I can. Maybe this is what he needs. Maybe she is better for him that I am. Maybe she can resolve all that anger and pain that resides inside of his brain... hey! I am NOT trying to rhyme... I just naturally flow... Either way, I let some of it go today. I didn't let it affect my day the way I normally would in the past. I suppose this is step forward... towards what some call, Healing? I'd rather crawl up in a little ball and die... but I must face the world and remain strong for my own good and that of my child. I was walking to my car the other morning and suddenly it hit me! What would MarQuin do without me? Who could EVER understand my child the way I do??... that is definitely my motivation to remain here long enough to see him through to adulthood. No man, however wonderful can step in and take my joy or my will to live. That is way to much power to give another individual over my life! I think I am really growing up. I notice so many differences each day....
Thank God for the sunshine.... and rainbows...and the rain... and fresh air... and friends that love you no matter what u look like or what you're going through.. So whoever or whatever reigns this universe... Thank u... I'm breathing again! Now.. I'm off to the Gym!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment