Broken lines of communication

There is no tactful way to do this. In fact, Arlyn thinks it's pretty scandalous.. but at this point in my life.. I can ONLY BE HONEST. Since I've been without Aaron.... I've been searching for anything to fill a void, that obviously cannot be filled.

I've had this crush on this beautiful man for weeks. From head to toe, he is a living, breathing, work of art. Chocolate skin... body cut like someone sculpted him into perfect human anatomy. Him and I talk ALL the time.. at work... e-mail, text messages. We've hung out a few times before, but nothing really came out of it. I've been literally dying to kiss this man for weeks. Trust me when I say... I WORKED hard for last night. It was perfect too. I cooked dinner... candles... alcohol...music.

I've never had a problem holding a conversation with him because we have so much in common. A few drinks later and the red lights were on... Janet crooned softly in the background... "At home I'm so alone... I'm wishing you were here.... baby tonight, my bed is cold... .. .... ba ba take care of me ba ba fullfill my needs...." I'm a little drunk.. still sexy, but DRUNK... there I was, face to face with this work of art ... I could feel his breath on my lips...and in the middle of my sentence.... it happened! He kissed me. The kiss I've dreamed about... I lost a moment in time that I will never get back. It felt safe right there... his hands in my hair... up and down my back... damn.. I opened my eyes... and it wasn't Aaron... I told you I got lost for a minute.... More Alcohol. I hear Rkelly now.... " down low... down low..." it's the remix.. and so appropriate to our current circumstances. How I ended up on my knees, looking up at him, remains to be seen. And wow..how can I say this in a tactful way ...without sounding cruel... but the infatuation and momentum that I'd built up over the weeks had instantly dissipated. How can someone so beautiful be lacking in the most important department. Yea, I said it... he had the smallest penis. And even if I wanted to TRY to work with it... I wouldn't do that to myself.

Game over.

That's what I get for putting this man on a pedal stool in my mind. He wasn't able to live up to my expectations at all. He is still very beautiful, but not for me. It makes everything I went through totally worthless. I ended up laying on my couch half naked, unsatisfied, crying and begging Aaron to please come home. I can't do this. I can't spend another night in someone else's arms.



Today, I have the worst hang over. I don't think I will be able to face him again. For fear, that A. I may laugh and B. Yea, I will laugh and that is not very nice.... Fuck.

I'm done.