I'm Just Reese...

IT came to me last night, while I was laying half naked in my bed,
ALONE, surrounded by darkness: I don't NEED him anymore!!
The longing has left my body and any hopes of happily ever after has slowly dissipated from my soul. He is gone and in his place now are the sounds of a hissing mechanical toy. This is my life.

I laid there waiting for IT to happen. Squinting in the dark,thinking
HARD about anything that would carry me away from everlasting loneliness.
Nothing happened.Shit.
Maybe I do NEED him, I thought. "Nope,you don't", my mind replied.
Think Harder I told myself.
Conjuring up any image I could fathom that remotely resembled a MAN.
2 minutes later I laid there exhausted from my efforts to attain sexual
stimulation. I gave up. I turned over on my side and drifted off to
sleep.6 hours later my alarm sounds in the silence like a school fire alarm.
It startled me out of my dream...it's still dark.It seems as though I've lost
my drive to do anything more except work.I spent this past weekend just hanging
out with my mom and laying around my house.I didn't spend one penny.
Which is a blessing, I guess.

Usually when I get this low,I shop.It's like having my own personal therapist. I love shoes and recently gave away about 40 pair.( A gesture that was definitely a sacrifice in itself)But,I have no desire to purge myself inside
of some bright,busy department store.That's too much like Happy.And Happy I am not.
I walk at the beach a lot and tonight I'm off to the gym to become another
spectacle in a sea of perfect bodies. Sounds like such fun.Hooray! A nice bag
of chocolate should suffice, with nuts please...then maybe,I will head on over
to the stair master to step my fat away.

It only gets better, they say. Well, someone let me know when better gets here.