Just leave me alone....

It's Friday... Hot, Humid and HERE I am sitting at home staring at the pc...
writing. Well, things could be worse. Somehow in my silly little heart,
it feels like it is. Why does he contact me, only to reiterate that he doesn't want me? What's up with that? One minute, it's," I love you, Reese" followed by FUCK YOU!

I haven't been to his house since I left.
I make it a point to stay away. I just work. Because what else do I have?
My son is away with his dad. My best friend is starting a new family.
And well, everyone else has a LIFE except ME. I don't want to date.
And it's even hard for me to get out and enjoy myself. While I appreciate being noticed for the few pounds I've lost during this transition,
I'm lonely.


I've organized my poetry book. I'm happy with it. I started on getting my blog together a few months ago, but I stopped because I felt like it was missing something... an ending. So, I'm content on having my poetry book published for now.


I love him. It hurts so bad that I cannot even cry anymore. The fights are
endless and honestly pointless. He told me today, "Who cares who's right
or wrong? I don't, I'm tired of fighting!" It's the first thing he's said in a long time that I agreed with.
I can't make his wrongs right or vice versa. This is my fault...It's me. I need validation. Revenge.


Something to make ME feel just. I just CAN'T MOVE ON.

Or can I, but refuse?


I asked him to make a decision today and while I ranted and raved about past events I cannot change I heard him CLEARLY when he said,"Cherise, I don't want to be with you".................. Well, Aaron, neither do I.


I know they say time heals all pain. I've been here once before.
I guess this time around I need to try a different angle.

Single. The games begin.

Ok. So I'm real new to this single stuff. Honestly, I don't
even feel like I'm single. I still see Aaron from time to time.
We are working on this friend thing. I live alone. And yes I'm lonely
as hell, but I deal with it. I have my pc and my TCM (turner classic
movie channel) and I'm good. It helps that I am right near the
beach because I love to go walking. (Although my schedule has caused
a bit of conflict in that department) Anyhow, there is this GUY.
A guy I have known for about 4 years. I won't bust him out because I
actually LIKE him, for whatever that's worth! LOL


Lately we've been speaking via texts,e-mails and phone. We talk
about everything. He is a very nice man and has a good head on
his shoulders. BUT he asked me to borrow $100 yesterday.
I mean, I haven't even SEEN him in over a year. So what would
make him think I would give him a $100 bucks. I would give
Teej $100 bucks before him and he is 2000 miles away/LMAO.
My point in saying this is why would he even consider asking me.
WE TALK about EVERYTHING. He knows I just moved. He knows I'm a single
mother. He knows I just bought a new vehicle. So Why in his right
mind would he think I have an extra $100 bucks? It truly makes
me question his integrity. I mean come on, we haven't seen each
other in a year. And it's not like I have spent this mass amount
of time with him when I was in Vegas (oops just gave it away lol)
but even so, I thought it was pretty inconsiderate and very poor
judgement. I look at him totally different and find myself uninterested
in getting to know him now.

I could be totally WRONG about this, but this is just my opinion:
Men should not ask women to borrow money. At least a woman, whom u
barely know or a woman that is NOT directly related to you. It's
not very classy at all.

My first night without him...

Well, everything is moved. I spent the entire day unpacking what
I could to give myself "something" to do. The apartment is
coming along great! It was weird, being there alone, with only the
sounds of my thoughts and sometimes my heartbeat as I made my
way up and down the stairs. I felt so... satisfied. I felt like I
belonged at this place.. at this moment and everything I've been
through brought me right back to where I started 10 years ago.
I believe this is called Full Circle.

After a day of unpacking and shopping I was exhausted. The
best thing about being in my own apartment again is
being naked. (lol Teej) Of course, I can only do this when
my son is not home, but for now he is away with his father, so
I can perform cartwheels naked if I want. LOL
I took a long, hot shower and boy that felt great!! I just walked around
naked all night.. lol and I LOVED IT... I fell asleep around
10:30 and I thought I would be a little scared my first night...
Who am I fooling? I was! I slept with my hammer and the living room
dimmer lights on.. lol.. but when I woke up this morning
I was refreshed. When I came into work, people noticed the
difference. I had time to get everything done I needed.
I even put my make-up on.. lol
I got the through the first night, now I just have to get
through the rest of my life.








P.S.
I'm sorry I didn't get to see my friend this weekend.( Teej)
But I'm sure he understands that I had a huge agenda that
needed to be accomplished. Just think, next time he comes he
can stay with me.. ;)
And speaking of friends, I have one that lives about 9 minutes
away ( I timed it) and I haven't seen her in like 2 weeks..
lOL umm hmmm