Every chance he gets he reiterate's it's over... I don't trust him and that's a big problem. When will I ever be someone's everything...or worth fighting for? HE doesn't want me. He hasn't for a long time. See, he's gotten used to being single even though he was in a relationship. Honestly doesn't exist. My days are hungry and slow when I know he's not waiting for me. How did I get to the bottom of this pit and why is it that whenever someone throws me a rope I can't seem to gather enough strength to pull myself out? I miss my babies and even As I cry ... the tears loudly hitting my keyboard like hail falling from the sky.. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. I came here to be happy and when friends ask me how I am doing, I simply reply, "Great!, Fine!". I'd look like an idiot if anyone really KNEW what I was feeling. So I keep smiling. I will wipe these tears away leaving no trace of sadness. I will smile at work in the morning. I will pretend like he is still my man. Inside I will be broken... running on a private generator. Acting as if I'm ok. I will make it. Maybe, one day when I'm beautiful again I will understand what the fuck is wrong with me and why aren't I good enough for him. Maybe it's not even me. I have a ball of rage stuck in my throat.It's fighting to be released, but I hold out. I'm NOT crazy. Just in love. This is my first love. I know NOW what love is and what it wasn't all those lonely times in my past. All those infatuations and lustful encounters that I'D mistaken as LOVE seem so miniscule compared to these feelings. When u go through fire and walk over mountains and swim through muddy swaps u expect something more than this.. no matter who's fault caused all the wrong turns.. u feel like you're owed some kinda right in all the wrongs. The story of my life. My practical voice says,"Get over it Cherise! It's done already!"................................................
The little girl, who's still searching for love says, "When is it going to be my turn...and when is it going to be real."
This is who I am
- Cherise
- I'm ever changing as change is the only constant. I'm currently pursuing furthering my education. I am a mother of two boys, ages 14 and 1, that always proves to be interesting and challenging at the same time. I love life and I enjoy surrounding myself around other's that feel the same. Positivity breeds blessings.
7 comments:
i feel u, each and everything thing u say...
Word, try to take a step away from ya relationship... What would you do or think?
Also congrats on stepping up and doing ya thing... May it be the first of many
Okay you always make me want to cry. I can feel your pain, yearning and hurting. Hang in there. There are promises for you in 2006!
I don't even know why your still typing about this situation if it's over! Your bringing back bad memories etc. It's not worth even thinking about. Understand me and I understand you-
I'm anonymous cause I'm anonyous....understand me and look at me and you will see who I am. Yes you know me, and I know you better than most. However I'm still anonymous.
Anonymous, u need to come out of the closet.. LMAO.. I love u though.. "Whomever you are".. um hmm and Curious, I think I'm scared to step back and lose him.. I'm scared I'll never find another... and I feel embarrassed that I'm trying to hold onto something that ain't there anymore..
Princess,thank you for your words and encouragement!! It always helps me think things through. I'm still working on this book. I'm thinking of doing something small first and see how that rolls over... A black romance novel. What do u think?
I wish I had some snake oil for you; I'm sure everyone has advice that doesn't seem to work for you. But I can say this: The only thing that's the same about everyone is that they're ALL "different." Ever heard anyone ever say, "damn, he/she is just so...so...so...the same?"
Either way, good luck figuring it out.
Peace, Love, and have a Happy Holiday.
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