Poetry, Conversations, the freeway and faith.

The past few days of my life have been really life learning. My weekend started off with some great conversation.. a spoken word joint.. and learning to just be me. I'm not really big on reading my poetry in front of people. I'd much rather have people read it themselves and take what they want from it. I really steer clear of the whole spoken word "thing".. I don't like to fall into a specific catagory. And doesn't it seem like everyone's shit sounds the same... on the same beat so to speak? I like to be different, so I'd rather refer to my style as Spoken Soul because that's where it comes from. It doesn't have a beat or drums.. it's just my voice revealing my soul.. so I did it. I read. It was mind blowing!! I'll definitely do it again. I haven't written in my book since Friday or Saturday... I can't remember. I had a really nice conversation with Darrick. He's a nice guy, but I had to be real with him. I'm not in the market to start any type of relationship.. my heart is elsewhere. I can't define my relationship with Aaron. I don't know if we're together or not. I love him. I do. I believe he loves me, but I really feel he wants to be single. Done are my investigating days. I know he still carries on with other women.. whether in the form of phone conversations.. internet exploits or other means... Frankly, it doesn't matter whether I know this or not.. confront him or keep it to myself.. I can't change or make his choices. He KNOWS he hurts me deeply. I just don't have the energy to fight anymore. I have much better things to do.. like WRITE. It's hard to learn to let go. It's extremely frustrating when you love someone and they don't get it... u become "annoying, a nag, bothersome, ignorant, childish, dependent" and they resent you. Instead of pushing them back into your direction... the exact opposite occurs... they run right into the arms of the awaiting sluts (ok that is my anger speaking, but ya'll get the point!). So, I'm taking a step back .... I guess that is what I'm saying. I'm not going to try and fill the void with various arbitrary men either. I am going to get my body right. My job is good, a lil boring, but a welcome boring. LOL I do miss my Willie & Nakia.. and a few choice other people, but there isn't much I miss about Vegas!


This morning it took me 2 hours to get to work. I spent the night with Aaron and I regretted it every minute I was in traffic! I think a lot when I'm alone. There's nothing more hilarious than people watching on the freeway! I seen some strange shit this morning. People shaving, picking their noses... talking to themselves... (ok I'm guilty of this one). I think about my goals and I watch the sky change. I'm amazed to watch the light come from the darkness... In life we get so busy and stuck like the traffic that we forget to just appreciate life.



Today was an interesting day. Now, for those that don't KNOW me... I have issues with religion.. and God and Heaven and Hell.. all that. It's not that I don't believe in God or Jesus... Because I don't know what to believe. I've been to many churches and I always feel like an outkast. Well, today I was driving and a woman made a left hand turn right in front of my car when the light turned green. I don't really know why I didn't hit her... but I missed her... I should have hit her. Being that I sometimes take my life for granted and do things that I know are wrong... I believe that God was trying to get my attention, She did. LOL Oh and I have a problem with the gender identification too... could be the feminist in me. LOL Why does God HAVE to be a MAN? Someone help me on this... PLEASE!