So in about 48 hrs we will be in a New Year.. Whoo hooo.. I thought I'd give Mr.Armour something to ponder, being that HE is the Music King Of Chi Town.. LOL... These May be a lil easy.. but we will see what he's working with... Btw if u get all these songs I would like them downloaded On a CD and mailed to my perspective address.. LOL LOL Love, Reese
P.S. I mixed R&B (ole skool) & Hip Hop...
1.You are my lovelight, this I know
And I'll never let you go
You my all, you're heart, part of me
Once I was lost and now I'm found
Then you turned my world around
When I need you, I call your name"
2.That's the way it was
Happened so naturally
I did not know it was love
The next thing I felt was
You holding me close
What was I gonna do?
I let myself go
3."Here have a dollar
in fact now brotherman here have two
two dollars means a snack for me
but it means a big deal to you
be strong serve god only
know that if you do beautiful heaven awaits"
4."There's something that I want to say
But words sometimes get in the way
I just want to show
My feelings for you
There's nothing that I'd rather do
Than spend ev'ry moment with you
I guess you should know
I love you so"
5." U told me things and I believed them all.. u disappeared at times and that didn't matter at all. Ohh those lonely nites I waited for your call"
6."My baby and are back together again
Lovin' is better than it's ever been
If it weren't for the trials we've been through
I'd never have the courage to come back to you
7."People say that I've found a way
To make you say that you love me
Hey baby, you didn't go for that
It's a natural fact
That I wanna come back
Show me where it's at, baby
8."Girl, you're lookin' sweeter now
You got it every day, girl
Wish that I could love you now
In a special way"
9."I've got his picture
It's on my dresser
Right next to my bed
He doesn't know me
But I sure know him
I can't get him out of my head,"
10."You're Not Like Anybody I Ever Knew
But That Don't Mean That I Don't Know Where We Are
And Though I Find Myself Attracted To You
This Time I'm Trying Not To Go Too Far, Cause"
11."Black cat is bad luck, bad guys wear black
Musta been a white guy who started all that"
12."My mother went away for a month-long trip
Her and some friends on an ocean-liner ship
She made a big mistake by leaving me home I had to roam so I picked up the phone
Dialed Ali up to see what was going down
Told him I pick him up so we could drive around
Took the Dodge Dart, a '74"
13."African.
Very African. Come and step in brothers temple see what's
happenin
From the bass low, coming down from below"
December 30, 2005
December 29, 2005
Survey Says!
Back to taking Survey's.. this solidifies the boredom. I'm giving him space. Yada Yada Yada....
December 27, 2005
Teej Tagged me.. Dammit! 5 random things/facts about me....
1.I've always wanted to be a singer/dancer.. I used to be quite good at dancing..still am... I can still sing, but shh! don't tell anyone... Then everyone will really be calling me Alicia Keys when I get my hair braided.. LOL
2.I have a fear of heights/death/being out of control... oh and the Dentist... It's been 6 months and I haven't gone back to get the other side of my mouth done yet. LMAO. Ok so I will in 2006. Promise, but I ain't jumping out of any planes no time soon.
3.I believe in reincarnation. I think I was a man in my past life.. I have too many manly thoughts and ways... I've never been girly.. but I'm better now... Ask Teej how cute I am.. LOL
4.I have serious self esteem issues. I used to be a lot smaller and although everyone says I look good.. I feel fat, ugly and gross most of the time. I guess the images on T/V don't help. I'm considering going to get liposuction on my stomach. Being overweight makes me feel less of a woman...The biggest misconception is that I'm very confident and self assured.. IT'S all a MIRAGE/FACADE.LMAO
5.I'd rather be blind than deaf. Why? Because who cares about seeing a bunch of shit we take for granted anyway... I would miss the moon and the sunsets... But as long as I could hear my music.... the rain falling and the waves crashing I'd be good.
Now it's your turn
Princess
Curious One
Anonymous (the first one.. U know WHO u Are)
Brea
Stac
2.I have a fear of heights/death/being out of control... oh and the Dentist... It's been 6 months and I haven't gone back to get the other side of my mouth done yet. LMAO. Ok so I will in 2006. Promise, but I ain't jumping out of any planes no time soon.
3.I believe in reincarnation. I think I was a man in my past life.. I have too many manly thoughts and ways... I've never been girly.. but I'm better now... Ask Teej how cute I am.. LOL
4.I have serious self esteem issues. I used to be a lot smaller and although everyone says I look good.. I feel fat, ugly and gross most of the time. I guess the images on T/V don't help. I'm considering going to get liposuction on my stomach. Being overweight makes me feel less of a woman...The biggest misconception is that I'm very confident and self assured.. IT'S all a MIRAGE/FACADE.LMAO
5.I'd rather be blind than deaf. Why? Because who cares about seeing a bunch of shit we take for granted anyway... I would miss the moon and the sunsets... But as long as I could hear my music.... the rain falling and the waves crashing I'd be good.
Now it's your turn
Princess
Curious One
Anonymous (the first one.. U know WHO u Are)
Brea
Stac
Christmas... Bah Humbug!!
Tis the Season to be jolly, Right? Then why are there so many grouches walking around? LMAO. I'm sooo glad this shit is OVER and DONE with. See, every year for ah the past 5 years there's a Christmas competition at my house. I have a niece that is extremely spoiled... not to say my son isn't either, but there are too different kinds of spoiled. They are both only children. They both get a lot of things that I, as a child never DARED dreamed of.LOL U got a bike or skate board not both! U got a Barbie not 25.... These kids have it made. My feeling is this... if it costs so much that u have to let EVERYONE in the whole family KNOW how much u paid for it, then it's best left at the store. It doesn't make any sense to me that my niece has 4 doll houses and 70 barbies and every single kind of brats doll and accessory there is... how will she ever learn NO! and the meaning of humble? It makes no sense to me that my son has every game system and loses most of the $50 games or leave the cords places... or has just received his first Ipod and has not one clue as to DOWNLOADING... It's laughable what Christmas has become. Especially in my family. I bought EVERYONE one gift... including my son because First, I just started a new job and I'm not balling like that and Two, I know better! Years ago I learned my son isn't responsible with his things. Gone are the $200 shopping spree's only to find expensive, trendy toys left by the wayside on the playground or traded with the next door neighbor for something better. My mother goes thru this EVERY YEAR! She goes out and spends this mass amount of money for kids that DON'T NEED any of this stuff and then she complains or mentions how much money she has spent over and over again. It's ridiculous. I really think next year she should take that cruise... it's well deserved and I'm sure both of her grandkids will have toys to spare for years to come.. LOL Besides the usual family drama... I had a good Christmas. Can't complain. I was with my family,....shared some laughs..ate great food and slept really well... Isn't that what Christmas is about? Sharing, Caring and Leaving the price tags...personal crisis, and issues behind. Well, it's over now and we get 365 days to think about it and do it all over again!!
December 23, 2005
Be without you...(I wanna be here ONE DAY!)
Be Without You - Mary J Blige
gotta be with you
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
I wanna be with you, need to be with you
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Oooo (oh, oh, oh, oh) oooo
Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't deal nothing overnight
Cuz a love like this takes some time
People start off as a phase
Said we can't see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that (yes)
It's so true that (yes)
We've been through it (yes)
We got real sh** (yes)
See baby we been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (no)
Make me cry? (no)
Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
My love is only your love (yes)
I'll be faithful (yes)
I'm for real (yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
We've been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
See this is real talk
I'm always stay (no matter what)
Good or bad (thick and thin)
Right or wrong (all day everyday)
Now if you're down on love or don't believe
This ain't for you (no, this ain't for you)
And if you got it deep in your heart
And deep down you know that it's true (come on, come on, come on)
Well, let me see you put your hands up (hands up)
Fellas tell your lady she's the one (fellas tell your lady she's the one, oh)
Put your hands up (hands up)
Ladies let him know he's got you locked
Look him right in his eyes and tell him
We've been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
gotta be with you
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
I wanna be with you, need to be with you
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Oooo (oh, oh, oh, oh) oooo
Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't deal nothing overnight
Cuz a love like this takes some time
People start off as a phase
Said we can't see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that (yes)
It's so true that (yes)
We've been through it (yes)
We got real sh** (yes)
See baby we been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (no)
Make me cry? (no)
Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
My love is only your love (yes)
I'll be faithful (yes)
I'm for real (yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
We've been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
See this is real talk
I'm always stay (no matter what)
Good or bad (thick and thin)
Right or wrong (all day everyday)
Now if you're down on love or don't believe
This ain't for you (no, this ain't for you)
And if you got it deep in your heart
And deep down you know that it's true (come on, come on, come on)
Well, let me see you put your hands up (hands up)
Fellas tell your lady she's the one (fellas tell your lady she's the one, oh)
Put your hands up (hands up)
Ladies let him know he's got you locked
Look him right in his eyes and tell him
We've been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
December 21, 2005
What is this?
Every chance he gets he reiterate's it's over... I don't trust him and that's a big problem. When will I ever be someone's everything...or worth fighting for? HE doesn't want me. He hasn't for a long time. See, he's gotten used to being single even though he was in a relationship. Honestly doesn't exist. My days are hungry and slow when I know he's not waiting for me. How did I get to the bottom of this pit and why is it that whenever someone throws me a rope I can't seem to gather enough strength to pull myself out? I miss my babies and even As I cry ... the tears loudly hitting my keyboard like hail falling from the sky.. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. I came here to be happy and when friends ask me how I am doing, I simply reply, "Great!, Fine!". I'd look like an idiot if anyone really KNEW what I was feeling. So I keep smiling. I will wipe these tears away leaving no trace of sadness. I will smile at work in the morning. I will pretend like he is still my man. Inside I will be broken... running on a private generator. Acting as if I'm ok. I will make it. Maybe, one day when I'm beautiful again I will understand what the fuck is wrong with me and why aren't I good enough for him. Maybe it's not even me. I have a ball of rage stuck in my throat.It's fighting to be released, but I hold out. I'm NOT crazy. Just in love. This is my first love. I know NOW what love is and what it wasn't all those lonely times in my past. All those infatuations and lustful encounters that I'D mistaken as LOVE seem so miniscule compared to these feelings. When u go through fire and walk over mountains and swim through muddy swaps u expect something more than this.. no matter who's fault caused all the wrong turns.. u feel like you're owed some kinda right in all the wrongs. The story of my life. My practical voice says,"Get over it Cherise! It's done already!"................................................
The little girl, who's still searching for love says, "When is it going to be my turn...and when is it going to be real."
The little girl, who's still searching for love says, "When is it going to be my turn...and when is it going to be real."
December 20, 2005
Poetry, Conversations, the freeway and faith.
The past few days of my life have been really life learning. My weekend started off with some great conversation.. a spoken word joint.. and learning to just be me. I'm not really big on reading my poetry in front of people. I'd much rather have people read it themselves and take what they want from it. I really steer clear of the whole spoken word "thing".. I don't like to fall into a specific catagory. And doesn't it seem like everyone's shit sounds the same... on the same beat so to speak? I like to be different, so I'd rather refer to my style as Spoken Soul because that's where it comes from. It doesn't have a beat or drums.. it's just my voice revealing my soul.. so I did it. I read. It was mind blowing!! I'll definitely do it again. I haven't written in my book since Friday or Saturday... I can't remember. I had a really nice conversation with Darrick. He's a nice guy, but I had to be real with him. I'm not in the market to start any type of relationship.. my heart is elsewhere. I can't define my relationship with Aaron. I don't know if we're together or not. I love him. I do. I believe he loves me, but I really feel he wants to be single. Done are my investigating days. I know he still carries on with other women.. whether in the form of phone conversations.. internet exploits or other means... Frankly, it doesn't matter whether I know this or not.. confront him or keep it to myself.. I can't change or make his choices. He KNOWS he hurts me deeply. I just don't have the energy to fight anymore. I have much better things to do.. like WRITE. It's hard to learn to let go. It's extremely frustrating when you love someone and they don't get it... u become "annoying, a nag, bothersome, ignorant, childish, dependent" and they resent you. Instead of pushing them back into your direction... the exact opposite occurs... they run right into the arms of the awaiting sluts (ok that is my anger speaking, but ya'll get the point!). So, I'm taking a step back .... I guess that is what I'm saying. I'm not going to try and fill the void with various arbitrary men either. I am going to get my body right. My job is good, a lil boring, but a welcome boring. LOL I do miss my Willie & Nakia.. and a few choice other people, but there isn't much I miss about Vegas!
This morning it took me 2 hours to get to work. I spent the night with Aaron and I regretted it every minute I was in traffic! I think a lot when I'm alone. There's nothing more hilarious than people watching on the freeway! I seen some strange shit this morning. People shaving, picking their noses... talking to themselves... (ok I'm guilty of this one). I think about my goals and I watch the sky change. I'm amazed to watch the light come from the darkness... In life we get so busy and stuck like the traffic that we forget to just appreciate life.
Today was an interesting day. Now, for those that don't KNOW me... I have issues with religion.. and God and Heaven and Hell.. all that. It's not that I don't believe in God or Jesus... Because I don't know what to believe. I've been to many churches and I always feel like an outkast. Well, today I was driving and a woman made a left hand turn right in front of my car when the light turned green. I don't really know why I didn't hit her... but I missed her... I should have hit her. Being that I sometimes take my life for granted and do things that I know are wrong... I believe that God was trying to get my attention, She did. LOL Oh and I have a problem with the gender identification too... could be the feminist in me. LOL Why does God HAVE to be a MAN? Someone help me on this... PLEASE!
This morning it took me 2 hours to get to work. I spent the night with Aaron and I regretted it every minute I was in traffic! I think a lot when I'm alone. There's nothing more hilarious than people watching on the freeway! I seen some strange shit this morning. People shaving, picking their noses... talking to themselves... (ok I'm guilty of this one). I think about my goals and I watch the sky change. I'm amazed to watch the light come from the darkness... In life we get so busy and stuck like the traffic that we forget to just appreciate life.
Today was an interesting day. Now, for those that don't KNOW me... I have issues with religion.. and God and Heaven and Hell.. all that. It's not that I don't believe in God or Jesus... Because I don't know what to believe. I've been to many churches and I always feel like an outkast. Well, today I was driving and a woman made a left hand turn right in front of my car when the light turned green. I don't really know why I didn't hit her... but I missed her... I should have hit her. Being that I sometimes take my life for granted and do things that I know are wrong... I believe that God was trying to get my attention, She did. LOL Oh and I have a problem with the gender identification too... could be the feminist in me. LOL Why does God HAVE to be a MAN? Someone help me on this... PLEASE!
December 17, 2005
Song of the Weekend.
"Love"
[Verse 1]
I used to think that I wasn't fine enough
And I used to think that I wasn't wild enough
But I won't waste my time tryin' to figure, out
why you playing games, whats this all about
And I can't believe,
Your hurting me
I met your girl, what a difference
What you see in her
You aint see in me
But i guess it was all just make-believe
[Chorus]
Oh, Love
never knew what I was missing
but I knew once we started kissin'
I found......
Love
never knew what I was missin'
but I knew once we start kissin'
I found.....
[Verse 2]
Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
I'm so oo empty
my heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
My rainy days fade away when you,
come around please tell me baby
why you go so far away
Why you go...
[Chorus]
Love......
never knew what I was missing
but I knew once we started kissin'
I found......
Love
never knew what I was missin'
but I knew once we start kissin'
I found.....
I found you
yeaaahhhh
oooooo
Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
I'm so oo empty
my heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
Rainy days fade away
when you come around
say your here to stay
With me boy
I don't want you to leave me
I need you.........
[Chorus]
[Verse 1]
I used to think that I wasn't fine enough
And I used to think that I wasn't wild enough
But I won't waste my time tryin' to figure, out
why you playing games, whats this all about
And I can't believe,
Your hurting me
I met your girl, what a difference
What you see in her
You aint see in me
But i guess it was all just make-believe
[Chorus]
Oh, Love
never knew what I was missing
but I knew once we started kissin'
I found......
Love
never knew what I was missin'
but I knew once we start kissin'
I found.....
[Verse 2]
Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
I'm so oo empty
my heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
My rainy days fade away when you,
come around please tell me baby
why you go so far away
Why you go...
[Chorus]
Love......
never knew what I was missing
but I knew once we started kissin'
I found......
Love
never knew what I was missin'
but I knew once we start kissin'
I found.....
I found you
yeaaahhhh
oooooo
Now you're gone, what am I gonna do
I'm so oo empty
my heart, my soul can't go on
Go on baby without you....
Rainy days fade away
when you come around
say your here to stay
With me boy
I don't want you to leave me
I need you.........
[Chorus]
December 16, 2005
TOO MANY THOUGHTS.Listing
1.Fisting! fisting! Fisting!
2.it's cold as hell...
3. I don't remember cali being this cold
4.who am I today
5.wouldn't u like to know
6.wouldn't I like to know
7. I think I lost myself about 10 yrs ago
8.who does my mom think i am
9.why doesn't she understand I'm different
10.yet so much like her
11.i'm distant but close enough to touch
12.i'm still cold
13. i keep blowing into my hands
14.hey, has anyone ever found a mouse in a box of croutons?
15.i feel like my life is trudging on
16.im the strongest person I know
17.i hide a lot
18.peek a boo
19.can u find me....
20. who remembers where's waldo?
21. that issh was KRAZEEE
22.am I the only person who used to safety pin condoms to my cross colors?
23.Now dats Ole Skool
24.I think I may be emotionally challenged
25. I need a check for that
26.lol
27.what keeps me with him>
28.is it love?
29. he had a date on sunday....
30. of course I found out.
31. he lied to me again
32. he always lies to me
33.WHY?
34.I think it's a mandatory law for being a man
35.sorrrrrrrry MEN, but ya'll lie
36.ABOUT STUPID SHIT
37.and u ALWAYS GET CAUGHT
38. no more whining
39.the job is mad coooool!!!!!!!!!
40.the people are nice.
41.i dont miss vegas AT ALL
42.i'm trying not to run right now
43.no more chances
44.christmas is crazeeeeeeeee
45.no more santa
46.i haven't watched TMC in a long time
47.I do miss my lazy Sunday afternoons ... in MY BED
48.and the quietness of my HOME
49.im thinking of being single
50.no more mcdonalds
51.irresistable fries do it everytime!
52.I haven't been eating much lately
53.mary j blige really inspired this morning
54.she said we should be thankful all the time
55.NOT just xmas time.
56.I'm thankful to be alive
57.that's a whole nother' list
58.nare nother....
59.member that?
60.been pimpin since pimping been pimpin
61. i got a challenge for teej...
62.Who said this............
63."I don't give a fuck.
You tell her I'm at where I'm at
and I'll be where I be.
Motherfuckin' pimp.
If I gotta go where every ho
want me to be, I'd be confused"
64.Come on baby! U can do it...
65.Peace
2.it's cold as hell...
3. I don't remember cali being this cold
4.who am I today
5.wouldn't u like to know
6.wouldn't I like to know
7. I think I lost myself about 10 yrs ago
8.who does my mom think i am
9.why doesn't she understand I'm different
10.yet so much like her
11.i'm distant but close enough to touch
12.i'm still cold
13. i keep blowing into my hands
14.hey, has anyone ever found a mouse in a box of croutons?
15.i feel like my life is trudging on
16.im the strongest person I know
17.i hide a lot
18.peek a boo
19.can u find me....
20. who remembers where's waldo?
21. that issh was KRAZEEE
22.am I the only person who used to safety pin condoms to my cross colors?
23.Now dats Ole Skool
24.I think I may be emotionally challenged
25. I need a check for that
26.lol
27.what keeps me with him>
28.is it love?
29. he had a date on sunday....
30. of course I found out.
31. he lied to me again
32. he always lies to me
33.WHY?
34.I think it's a mandatory law for being a man
35.sorrrrrrrry MEN, but ya'll lie
36.ABOUT STUPID SHIT
37.and u ALWAYS GET CAUGHT
38. no more whining
39.the job is mad coooool!!!!!!!!!
40.the people are nice.
41.i dont miss vegas AT ALL
42.i'm trying not to run right now
43.no more chances
44.christmas is crazeeeeeeeee
45.no more santa
46.i haven't watched TMC in a long time
47.I do miss my lazy Sunday afternoons ... in MY BED
48.and the quietness of my HOME
49.im thinking of being single
50.no more mcdonalds
51.irresistable fries do it everytime!
52.I haven't been eating much lately
53.mary j blige really inspired this morning
54.she said we should be thankful all the time
55.NOT just xmas time.
56.I'm thankful to be alive
57.that's a whole nother' list
58.nare nother....
59.member that?
60.been pimpin since pimping been pimpin
61. i got a challenge for teej...
62.Who said this............
63."I don't give a fuck.
You tell her I'm at where I'm at
and I'll be where I be.
Motherfuckin' pimp.
If I gotta go where every ho
want me to be, I'd be confused"
64.Come on baby! U can do it...
65.Peace
December 15, 2005
Redemption unjustified. Tookie Williams. Executed!
First of all, this is in no way meant to condone nor excuse the actions of Tookie Williams. I'm not God, so there is no way to know if he was truly innocent or guilty of the crimes he was convicted on. I will say that it takes a brave soul to hold onto to their beliefs even it meana that it would ultimately end in their demise. This man KNEW w/o a formal apology or some sort of remorseful statement denouncing his diginity, thus admitting to CRIMES which he claimed innocence ... would end his life. To some extent, some may consider this foolish, but we all KNOW white folks need to feel like their important.. especially the powers that be! This was just as much a political statement as a moral one! There are several victims in this situation. A man was executed at the hands of our fellow man. I don't agree with that. I agree that there needs to be retribution & punishment. But aren't we sending the same message by murdering? I look back at the last 15 years of Tookies life and I feel THEY took away something great! Just last nite on the news there were reports showing an increase in gang related homicides. Tookie was an advocate of non violence. He was a man that these children could relate to. He was one of them .. or one of us I should say. I've grown up in a generation filled with murder and murderers. I sat next to these young men in elementarty school and watched them drop like bad apples from a tree as we grew into our teenage years. My very first crush.. murdered in cold blood. I can go on and on about the senseless killings of those I've known and those I didn't, but what is that going to change? What message did the state of California send by killing Tookie Williams? Should we revel in the theory of an EYE for an EYE. I read an article which contained a comment made by one of the victims step mothers.. she said, Justice was served... RIGHT! 26 years later and your son is STILL DEAD, THAT'S NOT JUSTICE!! If we're going to sentence one to death shouldn't that sentence be carried out immediately? Why did we allow this man to sit on death row for more than have of his life? I find that a cruel injustice. Although some may feel that he got what he deserved... 4 people were murdered! I know if someone murdered my son, my first reaction would be anger. That is a human reaction... I may even want to kill the person who did it... but what justice will it really serve? It wouldn't bring my son back... and it doesn't make me feel better.. it simply satisfies my instinctive need for blood... Aren't we as humans, supposed to be above that? I believe if Tookie did murder those people he was a different person then... a young man without any direction. Maybe prison provided him something he wasn't attaining on the streets. It grounded him and forced him to look into a mirror revealing a hideous reflection. I believe that he'd changed. It's been 26 years... over half of his life spent in prison. He didn't have to spend his time writing children's books.. he could've continued the gang life right there in prison. This is reality, nothing changes once you're in prison... except you can't leave... it's a society unknown to most.... but for those of us that have been there or have loved ones there... we know that NOTHING CHANGES. I believe Tookie started something real it's up to us to finish what he started. I plan to buy his books for my own son.... support the positive legacy he left behind.
Peace to the victims that were murdered and Peace to Tookie & his family.
Peace to the victims that were murdered and Peace to Tookie & his family.
December 09, 2005
It's OVER! ................Don't cry over spilled milk.
I have to write because it's my only outlet for my pain. I don't care who doesn't like what I have to say or how I say it. I've always been the outkast.. Never really fitting in any where I've been. I don't know why. I guess I'm a pretty girl. But I never knew what I had then and that pisses me off now! I'm not an angry person, but a lot about the world makes me angry. I hate to be alone. I feel like it's the end of the world. The man I LOVE; that I've put EVERYTHING in my life to the side for; Says he doesn't want me. I irritate and drain him. I'm too consuming. I had a conversation with my mom. She thinks I hate her. It's quite the opposite. When I was a little girl, before I knew real pain.. she was my hero. Didn't matter that I was mixed and she was white. She was my mom. I love her.I wish I could be more like her. I can't. That is sad too. I'm just Cherise. What you see it NOT necessarily who I am. Inside I am multi-tude of personalities. I want to be accepted, but I don't like being one of the crowd. I'm over emotional, but I tend to hide my feelings. I want closeness... intimacy, but I don't always give it. Most of the time I just go with the flow. I'm not really a risk taker, but when I look back at my life& the risks I've taken... I should have no fear. I LOVE to laugh... but lately all I do is cry. I grasp onto to these great ideas, but they slip away......... fast. I'm disappointed in the bad decisions I've made in my life and I have a hard time letting go. This is no one's fault but my own. I can be real stubborn and hard headed. I don't pity me nor the circumstances for which I'm in. I made decisions without really thinking clearly. I've been holding onto this image in my mind about what family should be or how life is supposed to be.. kinda like a great sitcom..Cosby or Family ties...Lavern & Shirley where you're always busy or occupied. Truth is.. there isn't much to life if u don't make it something! I think I'm learning and maturing, but I still have those defeating feelings of wanting to die. Then I think of my son. Lately I haven't been so great to him. He yearns to be how we used to be. I push him away, even resent him at times. Then I remember How I felt JUST LIKE HIM once upon a time. It's not fair to him. I didn't think clearly when I decided to bring him into the world. He didn't ask to be here. Neither did I. I have to keep breathing. As long as god blesses me with life it shouldn't matter that he told me it's over and I feel like a complete idiot. I should move on. But I don't know how ya'll. If someone can help me lift this cloud from over my head I'd appreciate it. I guess I can always write until I can't write anymore. I need confidence and self respect. I'm working on it. I am. I try everyday to understand who I am and where I am going. I focus on positive thoughts. But I still love him. More than anything. It's really stupid when I think about it. By the way, I started the book. The deeper my pain the more I write. I bought 2 notebooks and I haven't been able to stop writing. I will give little snipets here and there. Maybe I should go to GOD. Maybe that is WHY I'm in such despair. I need GOD or some form of spirituality. Well, the job is going Ok. I'm thankful I have one. I won't write for the rest of the weekend.. So I hope everyone who breezes thru my spot has a great 2 days off ( if you're off lol ) Pray for me and I will pray for you too... we could all use a little prayer during this holiday season.
Peace.
P.S. America's Top Model Sucks.. We all KNOW Bre was the ONE... * Shakes head at Tyra,..after Bre left Nik should've took that ... EASY.*
Peace.
P.S. America's Top Model Sucks.. We all KNOW Bre was the ONE... * Shakes head at Tyra,..after Bre left Nik should've took that ... EASY.*
December 02, 2005
Windy days blow in Great opportunity...
Happiness is a state of mind. Why are there so many rich people in the world so unhappy... I used to think that money was the end all, be all to a happy existence. I was so wrong. I'm not in the greatest of situations. But it could be worse. My relationship with my man has so many unanswered questions.. Yet he is still here for me. I hate living with my Mom, yet I could be on the street. When I look at my life in retrospect... I realize there are so many things that make me happy. I love the sunshine.... hot baths... long walks... the ocean... hot chocolate.. good food... being held... sleeping.... and most all just sitting back and watching life. Most of these don't cost a thing! I may not have a bottomless bank account or an iced out car, but I have a lot. Enough to sustain my well being. Btw... I got a job!! A good job making more than I was making in Vegas... with benefits and the potential for more. It's NOT in a Call Center which is definitely in the right direction!! No more screaming customers (lol lol)! This is the first job I've ever had a paid lunch... for an hour! LOL I'm very excited... and so looking forward to the opportunity. Just to let u guys know.. I truly appreciate all the support I get here... I go thru so much... and it's comforting to know that there are people out there in the world that actually CARE about what I'm going. Sometimes I don't recognize how lucky I am. My book is going to be about me.... or referring to my life.... the story of a mixed girl who grew up with many adventures to live to tell about. It should make interesting reading. I'm going to write it as fiction, but the basis will be on some actual events. I hope to be finished by summer.
December 01, 2005
The My life List....
1.life is good today
2.yesterday the sun shined bright
3.today the clouds are bullying the sun
4.i didn't know if i would be alright
5.i thought i would lose it when i lost the babies
6.i made it
7.then the lies were exposed
8.the cheating. the ex, the other women
9.still ok. i made it
10.i forgave him
11.now i need to forgive me
12.i can get used to this loving me thing
13.makes my life a whole lot better
14.im not affected by the negativity
15.someone hit my damm car
16.again im ok
17.when did i start numbering my lists
18.some more shit i got from teej
19.speaking of teej.. thats my boo
20.we had a blast together
21.it was like we've known each other our whole lives
22.funny how complete strangers can complete us
23.he's a real sweetie for the ladies that didnt know
24.came with the ole skook kiss on the cheek
25.how sweet
26.im going to be making my way there to chill with him and dee-dee
27.she's like a big sister to me
28.her and brea
29.except brea is my lil big sister
30.lmao
31.my hair is getting long again
32.i think i will let it grow really long
33.my son is adjusting well.
34.he likes being here in cali
35.i like being here
36.jobs are abundant
37.i will have one next week
38.im excited with an open mind
39.thinking positive makes a difference
40.i willed a cold away in 24 hrs
41.im thinking of joining jenny craig
42.im going to try to lose this last 30-40 lbs
43.that will weigh me in at 160-170
44.i think life is never ending learning experience
45.if u learn your lessons
46.u will be wiser for the next experience
47.which will only enhance your life
48.i think cheese and ice cream are 2 of the greatest things on earth
49.is that weird?
50.i've found my topic for my book
2.yesterday the sun shined bright
3.today the clouds are bullying the sun
4.i didn't know if i would be alright
5.i thought i would lose it when i lost the babies
6.i made it
7.then the lies were exposed
8.the cheating. the ex, the other women
9.still ok. i made it
10.i forgave him
11.now i need to forgive me
12.i can get used to this loving me thing
13.makes my life a whole lot better
14.im not affected by the negativity
15.someone hit my damm car
16.again im ok
17.when did i start numbering my lists
18.some more shit i got from teej
19.speaking of teej.. thats my boo
20.we had a blast together
21.it was like we've known each other our whole lives
22.funny how complete strangers can complete us
23.he's a real sweetie for the ladies that didnt know
24.came with the ole skook kiss on the cheek
25.how sweet
26.im going to be making my way there to chill with him and dee-dee
27.she's like a big sister to me
28.her and brea
29.except brea is my lil big sister
30.lmao
31.my hair is getting long again
32.i think i will let it grow really long
33.my son is adjusting well.
34.he likes being here in cali
35.i like being here
36.jobs are abundant
37.i will have one next week
38.im excited with an open mind
39.thinking positive makes a difference
40.i willed a cold away in 24 hrs
41.im thinking of joining jenny craig
42.im going to try to lose this last 30-40 lbs
43.that will weigh me in at 160-170
44.i think life is never ending learning experience
45.if u learn your lessons
46.u will be wiser for the next experience
47.which will only enhance your life
48.i think cheese and ice cream are 2 of the greatest things on earth
49.is that weird?
50.i've found my topic for my book
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