Happy Thanksgiving?

I Want to rant and rave right now because what the fuck do I have to be thankful for? LOL I lost my babies, my job and my dignity in a matter of 3 weeks. Even so after all that was said and done I still hightailed to Thanksgiving dinner with Aaron. A week later I'm ever so bitter. Still asking questions I don't want the answer to and still finding more info that I really don't wanna know. I don't believe in love right now. Love is merely a word used in a well versed poem/story... Like Happily Ever After .... or waiting on Prince Charming to come and rescue you from some make believe tower. WEll, I've let my hair down one too many times... Pretty soon I'm going to be bald if these Ogars keep climbing up.. Love is just a fantasy far from my own reality....LOL Maybe the only reason WHY I'm even entertaining the idea of continuing this relationship is because I don't want to be alone. That's a horrible reason I know, but at least I'm honest. Also, I feel like I've been thru so much with this man why should anyone else reap what I sowed. Again a selfish endeavor. No, it's none of these. I love him. When I look at him I love him... when I hear him speaking I love him,.. when he is kissing away my doubt I love him. But I hate him. And I feel weak for continuing to love him. Am I the only person who is this dumb. I should walk away for good. Leave him! Make him know how bad he's hurt me. This seems like a never-ending saga.. like a never-ending story.. Kinda like Lauryn Hill's Ex- Factor, " You let go and I'll let go too" He KNOWS he's hurt me, but am I being childish for making him suffer.. Yes I am. I'm really confused right now. I've been taking a lot of time with myself for the past few days. Just reflecting on where I want to be. How I want to live. My job search is going pretty well... I have a few offers, but before I commit I want to make sure I'm happy whereever I go. I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Going thru all that I've been thru in the last 6 weeks has made me realize just how tough I am. I know how important it is to LOVE ME. I'm doing that.