The Day After. . .

Well, after the yelling came the crying.. Him and I.. Me asking Why and Him trying to explain what the hell was going on. I listened intently as he exposed his inner most pain... right there in the middle of the street. This man cried. He spoke of being angry for no apparent reason... how he didn't feel good about what he did. He thought that when he came back here we were over.. he never anticipated having anything with me... or missing me or needing me. I didn't know whether to believe him or blow it off as a bunch of bullshit. Why should I believe him? He's lied & cheated. Then I looked in the mirror. I've lied. I've had my own version of indescretions... is it in any way different? No. That doesn't EXCUSE him. I don't trust him. I love him. But there is no trust here. I laid awake most of the nite next to him and I just watched. I thought of all the horrible things I could do to HURT him. Then I cried again.. quietly to myself. He tried everything to make me feel better. I still felt numb... distant and BETRAYED. I kept imagining him with these women.. touching them and kissing them.. saying the sweet things he says to me or promising things he can never do. Then here comes my conscience kicking me in the ass. One year ago this month I was seeing Monte..the stripper I'd met. I'd no regard to Aaron's feelings and dismissed him as a loser... he'd hurt me so much that I was oblivious to his very existence. I treated him like shit. So maybe this was my karma. Then my heart speaks loudly above my conscience Cherise, you guys left all that behind, remember? You'd made a pact to start a new begining... there is NOT an excuse for this at all... walk away. My anger screams even louder.... HURT HIM.. POISON HIM... FUCK SOMEONE TOO! I decided to listen to my heart for now. I can't allow him close to my heart. I came home because of him. Now I must complete what I started. Find my soul here. Get my life on track to a happier existence. Take care of Cherise for a change. Love Cherise for a change. If I don't, I'm destined for doom. So, today.. the day after yesterday.. I'm hurt, but not angry... shocked, but not vengeful... Truth is this has again taught me a valuable lesson... it's made me become a better person. I'm trying this positive outlook...
Peace.


It hurts to be cheated on and lied to. It hurts to know that your man has laid down with someone other than you... worse it tears me up when I find out he is still contacting these women ... begging and pleading for their apology. I want to scream, but no one is here to listen. I will NEVER do these things to another human being. That is my word. This is my only outlet for my pain. I have nothing. cjt.