Silent Thoughts.

A lot times my brain has it's own agenda. I tell it all the time NOT to be suspicious or insecure, but HEY! it doesn't seem to listen... (( sigh ))
I'm laying here on my bed, just finished barfing ((another sigh)) and I get a call from him. Ya'll know who him is.. lol I immediately get suspicious. Why? Who fucking knows! Lately he's been calling a lot.. saying things like Hey Princess or sending me random pics of meaningful things that he knows will make me smile. So, I should be happy & grateful & all those other mushy feelings that come over us when we're in love, but instead my mind plays detective...He told me the other night that I take the internet too seriously. Yea, well why does he have so many hoes numbers from the internet... ** Excuse me, pardon me,** Clears throat**
Sounds like a double standard or a contradiction to me. But as soon as I make comments regarding this he is quick to tell me I'm jealous or possessive! It's making him Crazy... Hell yea I'm jealous and possessive, but NOT by choice! LMAO Let's be honest here. Sure, I've ENCOUNTERED men/women on the internet that have sparked enough interest to result in the exchange of numbers.... a few I've met... most have fallen by the wayside. The point being is that I don't engage in this behavior any longer. Not because I find anything wrong with it. Simply because I'm in love and I'm serious about having something real with this man. This has been a debate in our relationship for a long time. So he needs to understand that it is difficult for me to just let it go and be done with it! He needs to understand that TRUST is earned NOT given. THAT APPLIES TO US BOTH. I don't write these blogs to call him out or put our business out in cyberspace. I write to gain a different perspective and grow within. This is in noway meant to hurt or label him or myself. WE'VE both been guilty of cheating and lying .... and afflicting pain on one another. I'm just tired of playing childish ass games! I'm changing and I feel like I'm giving forth a great effort to give him space, time and love. That is some hard shit to do!