Childhood Memories....Cabbage Patch Kids... Love.

I got my first Cabbage Patch Doll Yesterday. Her name is Cecilia Justina.. and she is light skinned just like me. I never had a Cabbage Patch as a child and I remember How I always longed for one. I was so Happy when he handed it to me, especially since these past few days have been rough for me. Aaron and I went thru something this past weekend. I broke down.. literally. My mind was tired and restless... my body worn. I couldn't fight him anymore about anything. Fuck the hoes... the text messages... black planet... myspace. Fuck it. And in a cloud of Rage and Hurt... I let go. For anyone that has read my blogs in the past... u know the struggle I've gone thru with this man. Some may say leave or it's been a useless pursuit for love, but I did what I felt I needed to do. .. I followed my heart. I loved this man. Well, I LOVE this man. But my heart had had enough! When the tears dried and my mind settled I didn't feel anything. I rolled over and went to sleep. He's never seen me this way. So distant and out of touch. The next day I received an email .... I have to post it because it was so profound to me.




Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2006 08:37:30 -0800
From: "Aaron Voorhees"
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To: cherisejthomas76@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Fwd: Funny...But True

well i was about to close my bp page..i havent yet and really im
waiting to hear if mike has some other emaill...we talk through there...
i changed the status...i probably wont use it again..talking to anyone..its
a waste of time...and it causes more harm then good..even those who i
come across who claim to be about knowledge still only use that as
another avenue to find romance, sex etc....i feel really stupid and low when i
make you cry & second judge yourself or feel pain..cuz no matter what we
have been through i dont want you to feel those things becuz of me...ive
been really mean to you..and its not cause im tryin to drive you
away...some of it is cause i dont get any private time..some of it is cause i
really dont know what is wrong with you or how to help and it gets
frustrating...i understand that you feel weak right now and me doing some
of the things i do make that feeling worse..and for that alone i should
change my actions..cause when it boils down to it...id rather be
fighting with you then talking to any broad about anything online honestly...and
sometimes i do whatever and act like I dont care because i feel your problem
is bigger then me and my actions arent the fault...thats not the right
thing to do..because whether i think its because of my actions or not...i do
know that my actions make it worse..bottom line...i honestly dont know what im
going to do about us for the future but for now reese..ill be there for
you for whatever you need..ill stop letting these women i dont know or
even care to..influence you or hurt you..i wouldnt like it on the other
end..im going to try and have more patience with you..no more internet
period..ive been done with it really..lately i dont even know why i been
online ...but i do believe that we need to figure out why you feel so
much pain inside..before we can get married or even move on...cause me
leaving you like this would only make it worse..and if your with me or
not..i still want you to feel empowered as a person and
worthy...regardless of whats going on with us..so from now on
im going to try to help you ..honestly..not out of pity
but because i know there's something inside you want to let
go and dont know how..so ill
help you get to where you want to be as a person...
if i love you i owe you that cause if i
was all broken up from my life youd try and
help me out of the dark


aaron






I didn't respond. I just accepted it for what it was... an apology. And maybe he finally seen that what he was doing was killing my soul.