Childhood Memories....Cabbage Patch Kids... Love.

I got my first Cabbage Patch Doll Yesterday. Her name is Cecilia Justina.. and she is light skinned just like me. I never had a Cabbage Patch as a child and I remember How I always longed for one. I was so Happy when he handed it to me, especially since these past few days have been rough for me. Aaron and I went thru something this past weekend. I broke down.. literally. My mind was tired and restless... my body worn. I couldn't fight him anymore about anything. Fuck the hoes... the text messages... black planet... myspace. Fuck it. And in a cloud of Rage and Hurt... I let go. For anyone that has read my blogs in the past... u know the struggle I've gone thru with this man. Some may say leave or it's been a useless pursuit for love, but I did what I felt I needed to do. .. I followed my heart. I loved this man. Well, I LOVE this man. But my heart had had enough! When the tears dried and my mind settled I didn't feel anything. I rolled over and went to sleep. He's never seen me this way. So distant and out of touch. The next day I received an email .... I have to post it because it was so profound to me.




Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2006 08:37:30 -0800
From: "Aaron Voorhees"
Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To: cherisejthomas76@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Fwd: Funny...But True

well i was about to close my bp page..i havent yet and really im
waiting to hear if mike has some other emaill...we talk through there...
i changed the status...i probably wont use it again..talking to anyone..its
a waste of time...and it causes more harm then good..even those who i
come across who claim to be about knowledge still only use that as
another avenue to find romance, sex etc....i feel really stupid and low when i
make you cry & second judge yourself or feel pain..cuz no matter what we
have been through i dont want you to feel those things becuz of me...ive
been really mean to you..and its not cause im tryin to drive you
away...some of it is cause i dont get any private time..some of it is cause i
really dont know what is wrong with you or how to help and it gets
frustrating...i understand that you feel weak right now and me doing some
of the things i do make that feeling worse..and for that alone i should
change my actions..cause when it boils down to it...id rather be
fighting with you then talking to any broad about anything online honestly...and
sometimes i do whatever and act like I dont care because i feel your problem
is bigger then me and my actions arent the fault...thats not the right
thing to do..because whether i think its because of my actions or not...i do
know that my actions make it worse..bottom line...i honestly dont know what im
going to do about us for the future but for now reese..ill be there for
you for whatever you need..ill stop letting these women i dont know or
even care to..influence you or hurt you..i wouldnt like it on the other
end..im going to try and have more patience with you..no more internet
period..ive been done with it really..lately i dont even know why i been
online ...but i do believe that we need to figure out why you feel so
much pain inside..before we can get married or even move on...cause me
leaving you like this would only make it worse..and if your with me or
not..i still want you to feel empowered as a person and
worthy...regardless of whats going on with us..so from now on
im going to try to help you ..honestly..not out of pity
but because i know there's something inside you want to let
go and dont know how..so ill
help you get to where you want to be as a person...
if i love you i owe you that cause if i
was all broken up from my life youd try and
help me out of the dark


aaron






I didn't respond. I just accepted it for what it was... an apology. And maybe he finally seen that what he was doing was killing my soul.

Weekend Rap up...

Ok I won tickets to see Mike Epps, Dominque and Cat Williams
( Money Mike from Friday After next).. All I have to
say is IF this show comes to your town PLEASE
support this man! Not only were ALL of his counterparts
Hilarious, but Mike himself was off the chain.
I don't think I've ever LAUGHED THAT HARD! Money
Mike was probably at his best.. he did this bit
about Michael Jackson that will have u rolling.
I really had a great time and I would PAY to
see this show again if it came back into town.
I'm hoping they weren't just taping it for
reviewing purposes only,
but they will either air it
on HBO or make
a DVD for everyone to get.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


How about them Steeler's?? Well, I'm hoping Jerom Bettis
gets his SuperBowl ring so he can retire and
chill with his wife & Kids, he truly deserves it!
That is one hardworking brotha!
I seen a documentary they did on him and his
physical regiment.That guy is a true testiment
to hard work and determination.
I'm truly estatic my team won,
I was so proud.. Although I am
disappointed that my Raiders didn't make the
playoffs. Well, there is always next year,
Randy Moss... I still wub you.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Hopefully I will have a new job next week.



Peace.

Listen to this shhhh... lol

I'm learning that life is pure comedy. I wake up. Expecting something wonderful to happen.. .and maybe it does.. (I'm awake) lol Sometimes I get so caught up in the negative aspects of life that I miss the beautiful goings on around me. For instance, the morning before last... I was awake... outside around 6ish. It was a quiet morning in Compton, for the most part. No sirens screaming in the background or gunshots popping in the distant horizon. The only sound I heard were these 2 birds sitting up on the telephone wire. The looked like black crows, but their beaks were yellow, so I could be wrong. Anyhow, it appeared they were having a conversation with one another. They exchanged glances and dialogue as if engrossed in a deep, intellectual meeting of the minds. LOL Most likely oblivious to my obsevance of their secret communication. I stood there for a long time, in the cold, just watching. I wondered what they were talking about. LOL Whatever it may have been. I know that may sound silly, but with the bleak life surrounding the bright city lights.. and the fast lane that most people LIVE in... who stops to appreciate something so simple. I've always been a fan of nature. I would like to own a house on a lake somewhere one day. A place where I can make breakfast and sit on the porch and eat it. I want a fireplace that is ACTUALLY used in the winter. I love the city, don't get me wrong. But there is a part of me that longs for a simple existence.
..............................................................................


So I haven't written in my book since the New Year. It's sitting in my car. I thought to myself the other day, " Cherise, u need to pick up that pen and notebook and write, NOW!" I will too. But I was considering writing something totally different. What I'm working on now is more like a love story. 2 profressionals that meet by chance and end up in a relationship much too fast. During their relationship they learn just how selfish and self-absorped their are in their careers. Neither have experienced real love and in their endeavors to gain love they lose each other and don't realize what they've lost until they are a part. This will NOT be the typical happily ever after love story. I want it to resemble REAL life. SO that readers can relate. Not everyone realizes their mistakes in time to fix them. And NOT everyone breaks up to make-up. On that note..give me some feedback on what u guys think about the general plot.


................................................................................


On a more positive note. I won tickets to see Mike Epps tonite. I will be Fierce and cute as ever.. Of course there will be pics to validate this statement. I'm excited because I've never been to a comedy show before. It should be fun. Well, I should have some funny stories on Monday. Have a Great weekend. I intend to.



Peace

Change. People Change. Days Change. I Change.

Reflection.
This blog, I feel now reflects who and what I am. It's calm underneath all the drama. LOL I had to take some time and get within me. I'm kinda just sitting still waiting for IT to hit me.. whatever IT is. I don't have a job anymore. Which is good and bad.. good that I have plenty of money in the bank to keep up with my carnote.. and bad because I feel like I wasted 6 weeks of my time. See, when I was hired it was supposed to be a permanent position, I was taking someone's job that was leaving @ the end of December. Well, it's Jan 17 and she is still there.. and I guess she decided over the weekend that she wasn't moving to AZ after all. Boo Hoo Wah Wah... LMAO. So they politely left a VM on my cell advising me that my services were no longer needed. Oh Well, move on to the next opportunity.


Acceptance.
I've spent a lot of time with Aaron. We've broken up and gotten back together like 4 times since the New Year began. I believe he doesn't want me anymore. So, what should I do? I basically live with him because the situation @ my mom's isn't ideal. This past weekend was really great. We went out and had a great time. But the texts messages keep coming... and the women are adding up in the phone... and I'm just tired. I love him. He knows. I just accept whatever happens and I'm not hoping or expecting anything... not anymore. He says he loves me. This I believe to be true. But if he can't stop the conversations that lead to the I love you's and I need you's from all these "friends" he's never met... I can't give him me anymore. I won't spend another year being a private investigator.



On being a loser...

Now this is what I feel today.... Like a total loser. Let's see... I had my OWN apt in Vegas, a Job, friends, a stable life.
Now, My clothes live either in my car, Aaron's room or my mom's garage. I have no job, yet again. Well I have my son... and my life. Oh yea and my car.. lol ... Now, I understand how homeless can happen so fast. I can't blame anyone except myself. I chose to come here. I chose to leave everything I worked for behind. So, Now I must face the music. I will say, I don't miss Vegas, but I sure miss my bed and the comfort of having my own.There is nothing like it. I know that in times of adversity my personality almost always prevails because I'm strong. No matter how depressed or lost I become inside... I still must move on.




Some random issh I've done, seen, or read.....

I ate @ this great Brazilian restuarant in Old Town Pasadena... but my stomach didn't have the same idea of greatness.. LMAO

I watched this wack ass, white washed movie about Shaka Zulu that had nothing to do with the King Himself... we had to turn it off.. it was too too funny and ridiculous.


Also, I seen American Pyscho.. for anyone who has NEVER seen this movie, PLEASE rent it.. it is well worth the 2 hrs.


Aaron and I went to church on Sunday. Yea I said church! The theme of the morning was, "Homosexuality! That's just nasty!" Aaron and I could not stop laughing. Please, someone give me GOD without all the propaganda... All the HUH's! and screaming Yes Lord's! everytime the Bishop opens his mouth, interfere's with my ability to catch the Holy Ghost or otherwise talk with GOD myself. I'm much too preoccupied with the drama formulating about the church and maybe all the yelling scares off any spirit that dares to get next to me. LOL



Finally, a collab effort from Aaron and I.. Something I like to call, "We agree to disagree"....




I wrote...on the napkin of course.

Love is pain.
Pain is reality.
Reality is an unconscious
realm forever evolving.

He wrote.
Sorrow.
Sweet Sorrow,
I'll learn tomorrow
but I love the sweet
sorrow today.


and he Continues.

Just Live.


I respond.

Just love.
Love to understand.
Understand to love.
Live to be just.
Just Love.



He replies,

Wah! Wah! Wah!


...incoming text. LOL


Peace, hope ya'll enjoy the newness.

Reese

2005 in a nutshell....

I was waiting on Teej to take the song challenge, but his ass is slower than an old lady in the fast lane that can't see over the steering wheel.. *Sigh* so here it goes.. A lot happened to me in 2005. So many changes occured in my life that the only way to get it all out is YOU guessed it a list... But before I get to that.. I want everyone to know that 2006 is GOING to be MY year because I'm going to make it my year. Somehow I'm going to love me enough to let go of the past and look forward to the future.. Well, here it goes



1.so many people died in 2005
2.Richard Pryor, Rosa Parks, Ray Charles
3.Icons.. to name a few
4.I'm thankful to be here
5.I grew up in 2005
6.I moved back to Cali
7.Mistake or Milestone.. soon to come
8.I lost my twins.. that was devestating
9.I met My Teej in March
10.What a blessing!
11.Hence the Blog... Definite Milestones
12.I made some wonderful friends in 05
13.Dee-dee... so supportive and calm
14.Princess Dominique.. the voice of reason
15.Curious One....The Insightful Poet
16.Brea... the Adventureous photographer (lol)
17.Aaron and I went round for round in 05
18.I don't plan to repeat this in 06
19.Maybe it's really time to let go
20.then I'll grow
21.I don't need a man to live and breathe
22.but they shoo come in handy when it's cold.. lol
23.I let Joe go in 05
24.that was hard.
25.he was my best friend.. I loved him a lot.
26.I got a promotion, and lost my job all in 6 months
27.that has to be some kind of record
28.I missed tupac
29.Music wasn't that great in 05
30.at least for me
31.I'm still stuck in the 80's & 90's
32.Mariah made a helluva come back
33.Goapelle, Ameil, Kem all acquired a new fan.. ME
34.Now that's music
35.I finished the poetry book
36.It's small, but a start.
37.I started my book.
38.The life of Love is what I will call it.
39.Whatcha Think
40.My son turned 10 in 2005
41.What the hell happened to the last decade
42.I remember when he could barely walk
43.He was sooo cute.
44.He is really independent of me
45.He played football for the first time
46.Wow that was scary.
47.He is growing up.
48.I learned to control my panic attacks
49.They no longer control me
50.My niece was born Jan 13. 2005
51.Time for the first Bday
52.My sister gave me a run for money
53. I learned Karma is a bitch.
54.I plan to be more careful with her.
55.lol







In 2006 I plan to take care of Me... nuture my son... and give myself a chance to be Cherise. Whoever She may be.


Peace