Milestones.

I'm at work right now and today I feel like I just wanna walk out and quit! Get my baby.. a UHaul and bounce. Why? ummm I guess it's just one of those days. I didn't get much sleep... (damned Kitten)I had to get up early today because my co-workers designated me 2 buy soda/juice for a Bday party we're having later. I left home around 7:30am... Right into RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC. I was doing ok riding & listening to my Ready for the World when all of a sudden I couldn't see. I was dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out. This wasn't new to me. I've been suffering from these episodes for 10 years. They are medically diagnosed as Panic Attacks or Chronic Anxiety disorder. Years ago I took medication. Unfortunately, when I moved here that became unavailable to me... so I've suffered and tried to manage them with my inner strength. Today was more severe than others. I quickly dialed Aaron's number because I desperately needed to hear his VOICE! I was in complete panic. I almost pulled over to the side of the road. I don't know what happened. I screamed as loud as I could because I hate being out of control. There is nothing worse in the ENTIRE WORLD to me than feeling out of control. I was shaking... and my heart was racing as if I'd just run a marathon. Aaron answered and instead of revealing what I was really going thru I simply said, "Good Morning" and ended the call. I was embarrassed. He always tells me it's all in my head. I know it is. It really makes me crazy because sometimes I don't enjoy simple things in life due to this disorder. I may consider going back on medication


**** Who the hell is he****

Joseph Wiley decided to grace my presence at work today. I'm standing there looking at this person of whom I gave my undivided attention & heart to once upon a time...
and I was floored that I didn't have an ounce of feeling in my body for him. I look back on the last 4yrs and I'm really surprised that I gave him my all the way I did. He was no more special than any other nigga that came in and out of my life. If he was so much of a friend he wouldn't be standing here in front of me with this smug look on his... ** thinking he is too good to engage in any meaningful convo**
Thus bringing me to slap myself **slaps self hard!! 2xs for Aaron** What a selfish person. I paid for half of his DC ticket.. which I didn't have to b/c I NEVER agreed to go in the first place. And not even so much as a hug.. Thanks Cherise.. Oh I forgot he sent me some bullshit Text message on yahoo... What a jerk. How was he EVER the center of my life.. I don't get it. So we're standing there talking and I ask him.. Why do u act as though u don't know me? HE replies, I don't.
I walked away.
Good- Bye Joseph Wiley