IF there was another way to love you....

Will I be ok?
Interestingly enough I've had many conversations with Aaron lately. ( hope he doesn't mind my using his name) For the most part, they've been ok. No yelling or fighting about things past or unchangeable. He asked me today will I be ok if he decides to move on .... u know like a SERIOUS relationship. Emotionally, I don't know if I am ready to handle that. I've contemplated the OTHER woman several times over and it never turns out well. I end up fighting with myself and comparing some mystery woman to the real woman I am. Like I said, it NEVER turns out well. I love him. That fact remains. Doesn't matter about what's been said or done... good or bad.. for the last 5 years he's been my life. Sure, there are lots of things I would personally change. Looking back, it's probably for the best we're not together at this time. I needed to find Cherise. I needed to LOVE Cherise... Since our seperation, I believe I've accomplished that. So what now? Obviously I can't continue to live my life inside of this shell. I've semi dated a few men... all of which have turned into disasters... (with the exception of Churchie.. who is the homie of the Century.)...it appears I've managed to build this wall around my heart without even realizing construction was under way. Men don't understand who I am... many of the men I meet can barely hold a conversation with me... yet alone get the woman I am... and then I think, Well... maybe I am the problem. Am I comparing EVERY man I meet to Aaron? Could be. Or is it that I am not truly over this man? Am I holding onto any shread of memory we have in the attempt to keep him close? As previously mentioned... I love him. IF there was another way to love him and move on... I'd be on it... like white on rice...but..unfortunately, I've yet to master that technique. Aaron has successfully stood his ground by keeping his distance and for that I am appreciative. He has forced me to search deeper for meaning and validation within myself and NOT thru any other means. I am no longer dependant on another human being for my happiness... I do me!! Many times u can catch me walking alone, but in the words of B... "I'm known to walk alone for a reason".... lol :) I enjoy me in ways I'd never imagined possible.... but again. .... I MUST reiterate...that man (AJV).... has touched me DEEPER than any other PERSON on this earth ( besides my son) He doesn't have a hold on me, but he's left an impression of his soul on my heart. Who can ever lift that?