Life as Myself...

I know it's been way too long since I've jotted any personal
feelings down in my blog. Truth is, seems I've been hesitant.
I was trying to maintain some type of positive elements in my life.
I don't ALWAYS want to continue to write about my spiraling pain
that continues to go nowhere. I'm at a cross roads today. My relationship
is over. I'm sorely depressed and desperately trying to hold onto to
anything that means love. It feels horrible to go through this. It feels
like my life is over. Understandably, there are people in my life that
have assured me this is not true. And I know I am not the only woman
or person in the world to have pain, but it sure feels like it when
you're experiencing it. Everyday that I remain in his house life gets
worse. I'm reminded of his disgust and lack of respect for my person.
He plays cruel games with my heart pretending that we will be ok,
only to revoke any hope of reconcile. And frankly, I should want out.
But there is a definite sadness in my soul. A feeling that I will never
marry, never have another child and worst of all never love again.

Soon enough I will be moving out.. Most likely in the next 2 months.
Maybe that will help.