April 27, 2006
Design of a Decade
As my 20s come winding to an end, I've begun to reflect on the good and bad experiences I've encountered. I have to say, It hasn't been too bad of a ride. I've met some interesting people. Made lots of friends that I was able to share exciting adventures with. I've laughed and cried....Learned and moved past many obstacles. Some people are long gone... other's are newly found. I can't complain. For every not so great experience, I've 50 that were the highlight of one particular year. I've had the priviledge to grow up with my child and relate to him in a way most parents can't. I've always looked at 30 with such dread and I don't know why. Maybe it's the anticipation of wrinkles or old age or it could be the symbolism of impending adulthood... like, "Hello You're really grown up now!" Our 20s are always associated with youth and vitality, while anything above 30 is considered aged and worn. Why does society put so much emphasis on youth? Don't most things get better with time? Well, May 16th is around the corner.. and I plan to jump into my 30s with avengence! This decade is going to be my ME decade.. All about ME!
April 21, 2006
What's happening....
It's been a long week for me. I have to say that it started out pretty damned good until Wednesday, when the virus attacked my system. I have several problems with my sinus this time of year, so it's normal for me to have the sneezing and runny nose. Oh no! This was totally different! Not only did I have a runny nose, clogged sinus pressure building up in head, I had a full fledged FEVER of 101.4. Needless to say, I spent the day in bed yesterday. Today is no better, I'm here at work...feeling worse. I had a fever earlier and I have been dizzy throughout the day. My desk consists of various ailment products.. Carmax, for my chapped lips and sore upper lip( which is bright red;just call me ruldoph!) Water, vegetable juice, chicken brother, advil, alavert and several tissues. I'm a walking virus! How much mucus can possibly be in my nose? LOL Well, I'm toughing it out. I already lost one day of pay, no need to lose anymore. Not to mention, these customer's have been real jerks today. Good thing they are on the phone.. otherwise, I may not have a job. I swear, sometimes people are real jerks. Take for instance, Mr.Smith (let's just call him that) He calls, well his wife calls and he is talking in the background. They have a 2005 Pilot and need help with their Navi System. I could tell by their voice and tone they were definitely Senior Citizens. He gets upset with me because he can't understand how to work the Navi.. I try again and again to explain (even I don't understand what the hell he is saying) Finally he gets pissed and hangs up on me.
* The Weekend*
Long, boring.. slept most of the time.
* The Weekend*
Long, boring.. slept most of the time.
April 16, 2006
Weekend Wonderland...
I had a very active weekend. Saturday I went out clubbing.
I actually had a great time. Downtown Long Beach is a wonderful
place to hang out... there is a vast amount of clubs, bars and
lounges to choose from. This was the first time in a long time
that I stayed until the club closed. I had a few drinks, a lot
of dancing... then we headed to breakfast. By the time I got
home it was near 5 am... Sunday I slept in until Noon. Aaron and I
were invited to his Mom's for Easter. We headed there late in the
afternoon. It was cool. I'm not really into sitting at strange
people's homes, but I had an ok time.
Later on we went to Long Beach and rented bikes. We rode
down the coast for about an hour. Afterward, we took a stroll
down the boardwalk eating hot dogs and funnel cakes.
It was pleasant considering all the drama as of late.
I enjoyed his company. I guess we are trying to make the
best of a bad situation. I will be moving soon into my
own apartment... Hopefully sooner than later. I can't say
if we will be together or not. It's been a long road
and I believe that I've reached the crossroads... time
for some diffult choices, but I'm confident I can make the
right decision.
Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend!
I actually had a great time. Downtown Long Beach is a wonderful
place to hang out... there is a vast amount of clubs, bars and
lounges to choose from. This was the first time in a long time
that I stayed until the club closed. I had a few drinks, a lot
of dancing... then we headed to breakfast. By the time I got
home it was near 5 am... Sunday I slept in until Noon. Aaron and I
were invited to his Mom's for Easter. We headed there late in the
afternoon. It was cool. I'm not really into sitting at strange
people's homes, but I had an ok time.
Later on we went to Long Beach and rented bikes. We rode
down the coast for about an hour. Afterward, we took a stroll
down the boardwalk eating hot dogs and funnel cakes.
It was pleasant considering all the drama as of late.
I enjoyed his company. I guess we are trying to make the
best of a bad situation. I will be moving soon into my
own apartment... Hopefully sooner than later. I can't say
if we will be together or not. It's been a long road
and I believe that I've reached the crossroads... time
for some diffult choices, but I'm confident I can make the
right decision.
Hope everyone else had a wonderful weekend!
April 15, 2006
R U still Down?
Ok, so as of late I've been really trying to get it
together emotionally. Usually I write about whatever
is going on, come back and read it.. which helps
me put it all into perspective. SOMETIMES. LOL
Yesterday didn't start off too swell (aye) but, like
my girl Shamika says,"It is what it is, move on!"
So I did...
I went to Watts to get my hair braided. Ok, now I live in
Compton, which is the city directly connected to Watts.
But for ANYONE whom is from Southern Cali, they know what
I mean when I say,.. Watts AIN'T the business! LOL It's
only a few square blocks, but in those streets are lurking
dangers that only occur in Watts. Especially since it is the
Home to some of the Notorious Projects, The Jordon Downs,
(Menace ll Society) The Nickerson Gardens (Boys In the Hood)
and the Imperial Courts (WHERE I USED TO GET BEAT DOWNS LOL)
It's safe to say that I wasn't too ecstatic to roll thru
the hood with my limo tinted windows... :)
Anyhow, I mustered up all my courage and began my journey.
It was raining, but I kept one window down just so THEY
could see me... THEY, meaning any suspecting gang member
that may mistake me for someone attempting a drive by.
Yes! it's that REAL! By no means am I scared of my own
people, but I've been shot at, seen friends/family
die in these streets and I AM scared to get my head
blown off!! Well, it took me about 10 minutes to get
to my destination from my house. I pulled up to a single
house that sat directly across from the JD's (refer to Project
names above) there is a subway that runs thru every 15 minutes
which makes it pretty annoying and loud. I get out and walk into
the house. First thing I noticed was there was no door handles
on the door. Instead some type of rag was put thru the door
hole to keep it shut and then a replica doberman pitcher statue
was placed in front of the door to hold it closed.. Ok, I thought.
When I walked in I tried not to look around too much. There
was a lot going on in there. Leopard couches, the infamous
wicker fans hanging on the wall... 3 entertainment centers.. all
with various knick knacks... It looked like a Sanford and Son Musuem.
then I smelled the faint aromaof marijuana. Coming from one of
the rooms in the back of the house, I heard an older voice,
probably "granny" (I assumed such because one of the girls said,
"Granny is gonna fuck you up for lighting that Blunt in here)
yelling out random phrases, directed to various people in the house!
I got situated and took a seat in the dining room chair,
which was placed in the center of the cluttered
living room. The braider began to section my hair and ask
me what kind of style I wanted. I explained and she started
the four house task. While sitting there I witnessed a typical
day in Watts. . .
There were 3 babies, a 2 yr old boy, 1yr old girl and a 9 month
old baby boy. The 2yr year had corn rolls and a gold bracelet on,
not much else. He came running out of the room and went straight
for my purse! The girl braiding my hair said,"Stinky butt put her
purse back!" he replied, "Shut up punk!" and ran away. I just
sat there...
Now the girl braiding my hair was no more than 19. She introduced me
to her uncle, who was about 26. He immediately informed me he was a
Pimp. He pulled out money and threw it all over the floor to imply
he was paid. I was slightly amused, but more annoyed that he kept
taking pics of me with a stolen camera phone (he stole from a trick)
and demanded I give him my number. I'm no one to argue with a gansta
and certified PIMP, so I gave him A NUMBER... LOL He continued on
about what a big, sexy girl I was..careful not to be confused with
FAT... LOl I mean, I am a big gurl. I am 5 foot 10 and a solid 190.
After about an hour of being harrassed and granny screaming from
the back,"Leave that Gurl alone, MAN MAN!", he retreated to the BACK HOUSE,
but that didn't prevent him from asking one more time can he kiss
me on the cheek... ( oh I was flattered )
Two hours into braiding my hair and several laughs in my head later,
we were joined by 2 other young men. One was very handsome and all of
19.. he came on with a subway sandwhich and a bag of weed. While he
was rolling his blunt he asked me about 3 times if I smoked. Everytime
I repeated, "NO!" His friend was a young man about 20. He was going on
about the 5 children he has by 5 different GIRLs with 2 more
on the way. HE was a stocky boy with short corn rolls. Lots of blinging
cubic zurconia going on.. LMAO. They began smoking and needless to say
they were forcefully pushed into another room by my faithful admirer, whom
deemed their act disrespectful to me (his girl as he referred to me).
By this point I'm ready to go. Not because I was uncomfortable.
Simply because I was tired of looking at the same roach crawl
on the wall in between the wicker fans. My butt hurt and my head
was throbbing...I remember when I was growing up this was a
similar lifestyle.I stayed with various people and encountered
some of the same situations....Sitting there I felt out of place.
Like a ghost watching. I felt sorry a bit because this was the
stereo typical assimilation of our lifestyle in the ghetto. I wished
I could tell them something profound.But I didn't know where to begin.
I'd come from similar backgrounds,yet I was able to rise above and
move on...so far on that I'd forgotten that I lived with roaches once
and my daddy used to sit me on his lap while he smoked his "pot" in the
big, blue bong, I'd thought was a toy. There were many amusing points of
this story, but the moral of it all is,NEVER FORGET WHERE YOU COME FROM BECAUSE
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU WILL HAVE TO GO BACK.
When I walked down the battered walkway to my car, I glanced back
at the shabby house with the wet couch sitting in the front yard...
I smiled. I understood.
together emotionally. Usually I write about whatever
is going on, come back and read it.. which helps
me put it all into perspective. SOMETIMES. LOL
Yesterday didn't start off too swell (aye) but, like
my girl Shamika says,"It is what it is, move on!"
So I did...
I went to Watts to get my hair braided. Ok, now I live in
Compton, which is the city directly connected to Watts.
But for ANYONE whom is from Southern Cali, they know what
I mean when I say,.. Watts AIN'T the business! LOL It's
only a few square blocks, but in those streets are lurking
dangers that only occur in Watts. Especially since it is the
Home to some of the Notorious Projects, The Jordon Downs,
(Menace ll Society) The Nickerson Gardens (Boys In the Hood)
and the Imperial Courts (WHERE I USED TO GET BEAT DOWNS LOL)
It's safe to say that I wasn't too ecstatic to roll thru
the hood with my limo tinted windows... :)
Anyhow, I mustered up all my courage and began my journey.
It was raining, but I kept one window down just so THEY
could see me... THEY, meaning any suspecting gang member
that may mistake me for someone attempting a drive by.
Yes! it's that REAL! By no means am I scared of my own
people, but I've been shot at, seen friends/family
die in these streets and I AM scared to get my head
blown off!! Well, it took me about 10 minutes to get
to my destination from my house. I pulled up to a single
house that sat directly across from the JD's (refer to Project
names above) there is a subway that runs thru every 15 minutes
which makes it pretty annoying and loud. I get out and walk into
the house. First thing I noticed was there was no door handles
on the door. Instead some type of rag was put thru the door
hole to keep it shut and then a replica doberman pitcher statue
was placed in front of the door to hold it closed.. Ok, I thought.
When I walked in I tried not to look around too much. There
was a lot going on in there. Leopard couches, the infamous
wicker fans hanging on the wall... 3 entertainment centers.. all
with various knick knacks... It looked like a Sanford and Son Musuem.
then I smelled the faint aromaof marijuana. Coming from one of
the rooms in the back of the house, I heard an older voice,
probably "granny" (I assumed such because one of the girls said,
"Granny is gonna fuck you up for lighting that Blunt in here)
yelling out random phrases, directed to various people in the house!
I got situated and took a seat in the dining room chair,
which was placed in the center of the cluttered
living room. The braider began to section my hair and ask
me what kind of style I wanted. I explained and she started
the four house task. While sitting there I witnessed a typical
day in Watts. . .
There were 3 babies, a 2 yr old boy, 1yr old girl and a 9 month
old baby boy. The 2yr year had corn rolls and a gold bracelet on,
not much else. He came running out of the room and went straight
for my purse! The girl braiding my hair said,"Stinky butt put her
purse back!" he replied, "Shut up punk!" and ran away. I just
sat there...
Now the girl braiding my hair was no more than 19. She introduced me
to her uncle, who was about 26. He immediately informed me he was a
Pimp. He pulled out money and threw it all over the floor to imply
he was paid. I was slightly amused, but more annoyed that he kept
taking pics of me with a stolen camera phone (he stole from a trick)
and demanded I give him my number. I'm no one to argue with a gansta
and certified PIMP, so I gave him A NUMBER... LOL He continued on
about what a big, sexy girl I was..careful not to be confused with
FAT... LOl I mean, I am a big gurl. I am 5 foot 10 and a solid 190.
After about an hour of being harrassed and granny screaming from
the back,"Leave that Gurl alone, MAN MAN!", he retreated to the BACK HOUSE,
but that didn't prevent him from asking one more time can he kiss
me on the cheek... ( oh I was flattered )
Two hours into braiding my hair and several laughs in my head later,
we were joined by 2 other young men. One was very handsome and all of
19.. he came on with a subway sandwhich and a bag of weed. While he
was rolling his blunt he asked me about 3 times if I smoked. Everytime
I repeated, "NO!" His friend was a young man about 20. He was going on
about the 5 children he has by 5 different GIRLs with 2 more
on the way. HE was a stocky boy with short corn rolls. Lots of blinging
cubic zurconia going on.. LMAO. They began smoking and needless to say
they were forcefully pushed into another room by my faithful admirer, whom
deemed their act disrespectful to me (his girl as he referred to me).
By this point I'm ready to go. Not because I was uncomfortable.
Simply because I was tired of looking at the same roach crawl
on the wall in between the wicker fans. My butt hurt and my head
was throbbing...I remember when I was growing up this was a
similar lifestyle.I stayed with various people and encountered
some of the same situations....Sitting there I felt out of place.
Like a ghost watching. I felt sorry a bit because this was the
stereo typical assimilation of our lifestyle in the ghetto. I wished
I could tell them something profound.But I didn't know where to begin.
I'd come from similar backgrounds,yet I was able to rise above and
move on...so far on that I'd forgotten that I lived with roaches once
and my daddy used to sit me on his lap while he smoked his "pot" in the
big, blue bong, I'd thought was a toy. There were many amusing points of
this story, but the moral of it all is,NEVER FORGET WHERE YOU COME FROM BECAUSE
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU WILL HAVE TO GO BACK.
When I walked down the battered walkway to my car, I glanced back
at the shabby house with the wet couch sitting in the front yard...
I smiled. I understood.
April 13, 2006
"I get so Lonely".... and more importantly!
"Everytime I hear that song, it reminds me of the first
girl who ever loved me. Her name was Denise. She was
from Belize and astonoshingly beautiful.I remember watching
her in my car,wind blowing in her hair...while the sun beamed down
on her dark-chocolate skin creating a glow around her.. as if
she were an angel. Me,with all my self conscious insecurities,
held back my true feelings. She never knew I loved her.
She never knew I admired her. I wish I could tell her today.
Maybe I wouldn't have let her get away. We shared such a deep
connection. It was as if she could read my thoughts.
When she gazed into my eyes I could see her sadness...
Her pain from her past sat there in her eyes.
Denise loved that song "I get so Lonely",by Janet. It was her
SONG! LOL She would jump in my then, 87 Maxima and turn
it up so loud... she would play it over and over again.
I enjoyed watching her sing.. she would lean over
and touch my thigh and say,"You're so beautiful, Cherise
Why can't you see that?". I never had an answer and 9 years
later... I still don't. But I still ...Get so lonely."
(an excerpt from my Heart)
More importantly.....
AS openly as I've expressed myself here on my blog,
I feel I haven't been as honest as I could be.
I need a moment...
I've listened to your concerns and advice...
even if I may have not applied them to my life.
I 've searched,plotted, planned and schemed for a way
into true loves soul.
I've lost.
Everything that I'd hoped to find or gain has
all been deemed a big mistake.
One that I take full responsibility for.
I've often wondered when the end is really the end.
Well, I think I know... now.
I could chaulk this up to simply being a life lesson...
something to learn and grow from.
Unfortunately, my heart doesn't agree. It still loves
although it's broken. It still beats in seperate pieces
longing for someone to put it back together.
Maybe, I'm a hopeless romantic who is truly HOPELESS.
I'm not strong enough to walk away and I'm not strong
enough to say I've had enough.
Instead I subject myself to horrific ridicule and
disespect all in the name of love.
I know this is NOT love.
I'm not sure If I ever will KNOW love... again or
if I have.
Maybe love has simply been an actor in my drama called
life. *Sigh*
I know I've said it before.. but I will reinterate once
more.. You can't force love!
I feel as if I've wasted 4 1/2 years of my life.
I'm drained.
I'm sad.
I'm angry.
I'm still in love.
Empty...
I'm alone inside. What a beautiful facade on the outside.
When I look in the mirror. I never Look back.
girl who ever loved me. Her name was Denise. She was
from Belize and astonoshingly beautiful.I remember watching
her in my car,wind blowing in her hair...while the sun beamed down
on her dark-chocolate skin creating a glow around her.. as if
she were an angel. Me,with all my self conscious insecurities,
held back my true feelings. She never knew I loved her.
She never knew I admired her. I wish I could tell her today.
Maybe I wouldn't have let her get away. We shared such a deep
connection. It was as if she could read my thoughts.
When she gazed into my eyes I could see her sadness...
Her pain from her past sat there in her eyes.
Denise loved that song "I get so Lonely",by Janet. It was her
SONG! LOL She would jump in my then, 87 Maxima and turn
it up so loud... she would play it over and over again.
I enjoyed watching her sing.. she would lean over
and touch my thigh and say,"You're so beautiful, Cherise
Why can't you see that?". I never had an answer and 9 years
later... I still don't. But I still ...Get so lonely."
(an excerpt from my Heart)
More importantly.....
AS openly as I've expressed myself here on my blog,
I feel I haven't been as honest as I could be.
I need a moment...
I've listened to your concerns and advice...
even if I may have not applied them to my life.
I 've searched,plotted, planned and schemed for a way
into true loves soul.
I've lost.
Everything that I'd hoped to find or gain has
all been deemed a big mistake.
One that I take full responsibility for.
I've often wondered when the end is really the end.
Well, I think I know... now.
I could chaulk this up to simply being a life lesson...
something to learn and grow from.
Unfortunately, my heart doesn't agree. It still loves
although it's broken. It still beats in seperate pieces
longing for someone to put it back together.
Maybe, I'm a hopeless romantic who is truly HOPELESS.
I'm not strong enough to walk away and I'm not strong
enough to say I've had enough.
Instead I subject myself to horrific ridicule and
disespect all in the name of love.
I know this is NOT love.
I'm not sure If I ever will KNOW love... again or
if I have.
Maybe love has simply been an actor in my drama called
life. *Sigh*
I know I've said it before.. but I will reinterate once
more.. You can't force love!
I feel as if I've wasted 4 1/2 years of my life.
I'm drained.
I'm sad.
I'm angry.
I'm still in love.
Empty...
I'm alone inside. What a beautiful facade on the outside.
When I look in the mirror. I never Look back.
April 10, 2006
My yada yada yada list....
1.Work is good
2.a refreshing change
3.My son's father is back
4.I'm happy for my son
5."Dear Daddy, My Mommy can't be my Daddy TOO!"
6.A sign I read
7.Makes Sense
8.Bought my first Nikki Giovanni Book of Poems
9.Love it! Love it! Love it!
10.Haven't decided which one is my fav
11."Life Cycles" is good. So is "Lonely"
12.I may do a list with just Nikki Quotes
13.Bought a book called, "Mixed"
14.Excellent
15."I'm light skinned & Devastated"
16.LOL I totally related to ALL of her experiences
17.Angela Nissel is definitely my new fav Author
18.Even if you're not mixed,this is a MUST read!
19.Shopping has become my new therapy
20."Don't even waste your tears on that insensitive man!"
21.I've learned to just let it go.
22.We had breakfast yesterday
23.More games, more drama
24.If I knew then what I know now...
25.I'd be a Virgin!
26.Better believe
27.Matters of the heart can make or break your soul
28.Guess What?
29.I found my best friend!!
30.Her name is Shamika
31.She was all I had when I was a teenager
32.A lot has changed!
33.But the dynamics of the friendship remain the same
34.It's amazing how 10 years can pass
35.But your bond as a friend remains the SAME
36.We've hung out...she's been my savior
37.Especially in the midst of drama
38.We both came from the same background
39.I'm so PROUD to see her doing so well
40.and what a beautiful daughter she has!
41.Where the hell is Teej?
42.I have called him SEVERAL TIMES
43*Shakes Head* Umm hmmm
44.Guess I need to call the Hotel :)
45.Dee-Dee hows life?
46.Brea, Thanks for keeping tabs on me
47.I need that
48.Princess, I'm almost done !:)
49.I'm so glad it's Spring
50.The sunshine brightens my day!
2.a refreshing change
3.My son's father is back
4.I'm happy for my son
5."Dear Daddy, My Mommy can't be my Daddy TOO!"
6.A sign I read
7.Makes Sense
8.Bought my first Nikki Giovanni Book of Poems
9.Love it! Love it! Love it!
10.Haven't decided which one is my fav
11."Life Cycles" is good. So is "Lonely"
12.I may do a list with just Nikki Quotes
13.Bought a book called, "Mixed"
14.Excellent
15."I'm light skinned & Devastated"
16.LOL I totally related to ALL of her experiences
17.Angela Nissel is definitely my new fav Author
18.Even if you're not mixed,this is a MUST read!
19.Shopping has become my new therapy
20."Don't even waste your tears on that insensitive man!"
21.I've learned to just let it go.
22.We had breakfast yesterday
23.More games, more drama
24.If I knew then what I know now...
25.I'd be a Virgin!
26.Better believe
27.Matters of the heart can make or break your soul
28.Guess What?
29.I found my best friend!!
30.Her name is Shamika
31.She was all I had when I was a teenager
32.A lot has changed!
33.But the dynamics of the friendship remain the same
34.It's amazing how 10 years can pass
35.But your bond as a friend remains the SAME
36.We've hung out...she's been my savior
37.Especially in the midst of drama
38.We both came from the same background
39.I'm so PROUD to see her doing so well
40.and what a beautiful daughter she has!
41.Where the hell is Teej?
42.I have called him SEVERAL TIMES
43*Shakes Head* Umm hmmm
44.Guess I need to call the Hotel :)
45.Dee-Dee hows life?
46.Brea, Thanks for keeping tabs on me
47.I need that
48.Princess, I'm almost done !:)
49.I'm so glad it's Spring
50.The sunshine brightens my day!
April 06, 2006
A Poem. "The Truth is..."
( I don't wanna be with you)
You left me. Remember?
Then WE came back together.
I... Begging and Cryin'
You...Smilin' and Lyin'
Circumstances.
Tryin- to get the best of me.
See, We were apart before
we ever came together,
WE had to be Apart,
BEFORE we could come together.
We lasted four seasons
until the rain. THEN
Tears began to fall...
a painful disdain,
Yes it's painful.
Beyond my scope of tolerance.
Again, back to the rain.
Will the sting fade away
when the storms goes about it way?
You walked away, "It's too late!",
You said!
Now, Spring has arrived.
Flowers are in full bloom,
yet our LOVE continues to
wither away.
I'm trying to revive or save this
one last pedal... hoping to regrow
what used to be.
Will the sun save my dying
destiny?
I can't CHANGE or I WON'T change!
Nothing satisfies YOU.
Will it ever change?
The yelling.
I'm screaming.
Emotions out of control.
I'm out of control.
Listen.
Listen.
Please.
No more resistance.
You won't listen.
We DON'T listen.
.....................YOU DON'T CARE!
Am I outta love?
What happened to your patience?
I'm hiding in the closet.
You're down in the basement...
Wishing I'd give up this charade and
walk out of your life.
I'm punishing myself.
You don't love me.
"Don't go ok",
Remember that day, when you sent
this text?
it was the day after you said
"I love you" then retorted with
"I hate you" all in the same
breath.
What's the TRUTH?
"I don't wanna be with you",
you say.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I walked barefoot-
Thru the FIRE.
BURNED- but I still walked.
NO!
I RAN. Fast!
Into your arms.
Seeking your protection.
Unshaken by my pleas for love.
You said,
"I never asked you to come back!"
You never asked me to?
Since when did LOVE require asking?
You repeated,
"I never asked you to come back!"
I closed my eyes. I don't trust you.
Or this.
The truth is ....
I don't REALLY wanna be with YOU.
Then you kissed me good-bye.
You left me. Remember?
Then WE came back together.
I... Begging and Cryin'
You...Smilin' and Lyin'
Circumstances.
Tryin- to get the best of me.
See, We were apart before
we ever came together,
WE had to be Apart,
BEFORE we could come together.
We lasted four seasons
until the rain. THEN
Tears began to fall...
a painful disdain,
Yes it's painful.
Beyond my scope of tolerance.
Again, back to the rain.
Will the sting fade away
when the storms goes about it way?
You walked away, "It's too late!",
You said!
Now, Spring has arrived.
Flowers are in full bloom,
yet our LOVE continues to
wither away.
I'm trying to revive or save this
one last pedal... hoping to regrow
what used to be.
Will the sun save my dying
destiny?
I can't CHANGE or I WON'T change!
Nothing satisfies YOU.
Will it ever change?
The yelling.
I'm screaming.
Emotions out of control.
I'm out of control.
Listen.
Listen.
Please.
No more resistance.
You won't listen.
We DON'T listen.
.....................YOU DON'T CARE!
Am I outta love?
What happened to your patience?
I'm hiding in the closet.
You're down in the basement...
Wishing I'd give up this charade and
walk out of your life.
I'm punishing myself.
You don't love me.
"Don't go ok",
Remember that day, when you sent
this text?
it was the day after you said
"I love you" then retorted with
"I hate you" all in the same
breath.
What's the TRUTH?
"I don't wanna be with you",
you say.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I walked barefoot-
Thru the FIRE.
BURNED- but I still walked.
NO!
I RAN. Fast!
Into your arms.
Seeking your protection.
Unshaken by my pleas for love.
You said,
"I never asked you to come back!"
You never asked me to?
Since when did LOVE require asking?
You repeated,
"I never asked you to come back!"
I closed my eyes. I don't trust you.
Or this.
The truth is ....
I don't REALLY wanna be with YOU.
Then you kissed me good-bye.
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